Saturday, May 1, 2010

May 1, 2010: 212 Pounds

I tell you what. I am in a bad mood. It's the first lingering bad mood I have been in since February, really. I have felt pretty good, positive, able to cope with things better than before. And I guess I still feel like I cope better; even though I am in an awful mood, I am not doing anything destructive to myself and I am not hiding away in my brain somewhere. I am still living, just feel lousy.

It happened yesterday. I was tired because my daughter woke up twice in the night and kept me up a bit, and then my husband was banging around in the kitchen at 5:30 and woke me up an hour earlier than usual. Not getting enough sleep does set me off a bit; I feel out of sorts. And then, mid-day yesterday, I felt it: a distinct hormonal 'crash'. I am really super-sensitive to my female cycle hormones, both mid-cycle and end of cycle. When things change, I am affected. My body feels different and my emotions become a little less stable. In fact, when I noticed how crappy I was starting to feel, I went and looked at the calendar and sure enough it was exactly mid-cycle. So I am pretty sure this mood is hormonal.

I gave my girl a Star Chart so that if she stayed in bed she'd get a sticker, and then I went to bed early. But she woke up with severe leg cramps/growing pains at midnight (two of my kids have had this problem of waking with pain in their legs in the night, and the doctor said to give them Tylenol). Well, the last thing I heard on the news last night was that children's Tylenol had been recalled, so I couldn't open the new bottle and give her some for the pain. As a result, she laid in my bed and fussed on and off until 4:30 AM when we both finally drifted off to sleep.

So yeah. I am all screwy in the head this morning. Not enough sleep, the hormonal thing, my husband being here after months away, and just finding out that my son is going to be a half credit shy of his graduation requirements all combined to make me the pissiest woman alive right now.

In the past, I'd self-medicate. I HAD to. I was an absolute BEAR if I could not stuff myself full of donuts and cookies to get through this kind of day. But that's no longer an option... nor is it a desire or even a possibility. So I have to get through it some other way. Like, maybe, in a healthy coping way.

I meditate. I calm myself. I breathe. I will spend the day nourishing myself as much as possible, not just with food but with the things I love: sunshine, fresh air, children, music, maybe even a soothing bubble bath at the end of the day. I'll get through it. It'll be fine.

As for the weigh-in, I am pleased. On April 1, I weighed 219 pounds. That's a 7 pound loss for April. I have been 100% on plan with my eating. NO binges, NO fast food, NO junk. I walked for 30 minutes outdoors about twice a week, plus I walked a couple blocks to the park with my daughter several times. I also strength trained twice a week all month (upper body). I feel better. I am, overall, happy with my weight loss progress.

Over and out. Wish me a peaceful and productive day! I wish one for you.


Lori said...

Congratulations on the loss in April - that is fantastic!

Hope your mood improves.

Shelley said...

You are doing so great, Lyn - I am so happy for you!

As for the mood - ain't it a bitch when everything combines for one heck of a bad mood? Hope you feel better...and teenagers - oh, what fun times (much sarcasm intended). Hugs to you for dealing with that!

Friend of the Bear said...

Hi Lyn. Yes, Bears are the grumpiest creatures alive so you wouldn't want to be like one of those!

Congrats on your progress and I hope you have as unbearlike a day as possible.

Bearfriend xx

~HoneyB~ said...

With seven kids I can sooooo relate to the whole day being set off by middle of the night problems.

I am finding that exercising is helping with the monthly mood swings, and of course as you mentioned sunshine... ohhhh glorious sunshine!

I know it might be an irritating time but keep your chin up :) This too shall pass and you're seven lbs closer to goal to boot! Great job!

Rebekah said...

Congrats on your weight loss. Sorry you are having a rough emotional time but maybe with some sleep tonight you will feel better tomorrow! Keep on keeping on lyn!

He Took MY Last Name said...

Hmm I am a evil witch during my time of the month. I dont even notice mid cycle lol but I always always always end up bawling like a baby. I dont know. It helps.

Maybe you just need an hour or two to yourself. Ask husband to take the kids out for a movie or something, and just take some time alone.

Lynna said...

When I get like this, the best antidote is to hop on my Nustep and ride like a maniac until the crazies depart. Incidentally, I thought of you while reading promo material for this equipment. It is designed for very low impact on the joints. I LOVE IT!!! They are available in lots of gyms and PT clinics. Very pricey, but I figure one health crisis can cost tens of thousands of dollars, so, it's been a great investment for me.

anne h said...

Here's a dose of my happiness...
And a cyber hug ♡!
You, of all people deserve it!
I lost my bad mood awhile back.

It gets better, Miss Lyn!
Somehow, someway.
A cloud cannot put out the sun!

Physicallee Fit said...

Tough through it. You just have to get to tonight when you can lay down and rest.

'Course then tomorrow you'll start all over again.

You can do it.

✯FiTCETERA✯ said...

You got it, Lyn ... I wish for you to have a very peaceful, productive Saturday and let's make it the entire weekend for now, too! ☼

212 ... This is lower than your first low!!! This is fabulous, Lyn.
You so deserve this!

I hope your spirits are lifted soon. Do THAT something you KNOW will make you truly feel better whatever that may be for you.


Theresa said...

I can really "feel" the pissy-ness in your post. This is awesome! No smiling and making all nicey nice. REAL thoughts. REAL living. We can't all be on top of the world every day. A good dose of sunshine and a better sleep tonight will hopefully land you a more peaceful feeling..... until then I am so happy you are bracing yourself and ready for the ride.
Congratulations on the new territory for the scale! :)

Anonymous said...

May your dreams be sweet and nourishing tonight!

May your morning dawn happy and bright!

Blubeari said...

Oh, I hope you feel better. Congrats on a great loss for April!!

Jack Sh*t, Gettin' Fit said...

That's solid work for April, Lyn. Way to keep moving forward even when the waves got choppy. You're doing awesome!

Laryssa said...

Darn those hormones (and everything else that's going on to get you pissy)!! You continue to give me hope that I can get to a point in my eating habits where binging or eating off track because of *insert any reason here* can be a thing of the past.

Hope you can at least get lots of sleep tonight!

BusyMe said...

YAY for the weightloss! Great job! I hear you about the growing pains! My youngest is going through that now, but also did with my younger two. It's hard when the kids hurt. =(

Angie said...

Great job on the weight loss!

I can totally relate to the bad mood when it comes to lack of sleep. My oldest daughter also wakes up with leg pain and it is really hard to get her to calm down and go back to sleep. It is the worse.

Julie said...

Hormones suck!!!

Congrats on your loss and for coping in a much healthier way with the stress in your life!!

Fiona said...

I am at the beginning of this journey so am just starting to find "cures" for the monthly bad moods. Food was always the answer and its hard not to revert to old habits so well done you! Being tired is also crappy. Hope things improve soon, thinking of you xxx

Anonymous said...

A bad day here and there is to be expected, especially because of hormones.

So congrats on the weight loss and the new coping techniques.

You need a bad day to make sure you can stay on track!

Mother of Many

Fat Grump said...

I am still at the "Oh what's the point!" stage in my efforts to lose weight. I so admire your determination Lyn.

Knowing you'll be fine during difficult days by breathing, meditating, thinking, going out into the fresh air, music and a nice treat like a bubble bath indicates that you really have stopped using food and eating as an escape from life's trials. I'd have been tempted to scoff something sweeet to soothe myself - and then have had all the guilt and worthless feelings afterwards.

Chin up. Sorry your sleep has been disturbed and you've been feeling grumpy, but take lots of comfort in the fact that you are not using foods (junk, in large quantities)to deal with moods.

Lindsay said...

Congrats on the April losses good job!!! Have a happy day :)

...three sixty-three no more... said...

Holy shit I can so relate to that. Really this is inspiring to me.

spunkysuzi said...

I totally understand the hormone rushes!! I have the hardest time sticking with my plan then :(
Congratulations on another great loss.
I'm late commenting but i hope you had a stress-free, relaxing weekend.

screwdestiny said...

Seven pounds is a great loss for the month and WOO-HOO on finding a healthy way to cope with the crap that's going on.

Bonnie said...

Lyn, I have been reading your blog from start to finish over the past several days and I am inspired but not how you may think. I too have a husband who is not supportive. Have you ever plotted your weight chart or moods against his comings and goings? Please don't be angry or upset, it just seems to come out when read over a short time that he is not a helpmate.

Lyn said...


Yes, in fact, I used to lose just great when he was away and then struggle, maintain, or regain when he came back, over and over. He brings in a lot of junk food and is not terribly encouraging, and likes to go out to eat a lot which makes things harder. It wasn't until recently that I took ownership of my weight loss and eating 100% and stopped letting HIS behavior dictate MY behavior. Now, he can come and go as he pleases and my weight just goes down, down, down :)