Friday, May 14, 2010

Different

If you read the last two posts, you may be wondering how I am doing... really. I wondered, too. I started thinking about it in bed last night.

I am at the hardest part in my monthly cycle right now, with the PMS hormones. This is the time of month I used to always binge. My emotions were a roller coaster and I was irritable and felt awful and didn't understand it myself. But I have to say, even now, at the worst time of the month, I feel more emotionally stable than I have in a long time. I still have mood swings but they are just so tiny compared to what they used to be. I feel *rational.* I do not feel like my thoughts and actions are being driven by a force beyond my control anymore. Oh, I do feel influenced a bit, but I am not feeling the emotions I *used* to feel on a regular basis:
panicky
anxious
worried
desperate
worthless
hopeless
unworthy
fearful
doomed

Instead, at the worst of it I feel annoyed with some people or slightly disappointed in myself if I make a poor choice. But even those emotions are so fleeting. I have a new ability: the ability to feel kinda bad about something but still feel good overall. I don't have to be *consumed by* whatever negativity flits through my mind. How's that for a revelation? I always used to dwell in the bad feelings for way too long.

Last night after I blogged, I went out and took a nice walk in the cool evening air. I chatted with a friend and then biked for 30 minutes. Then I soaked in the tub for awhile. The difference, here, from the past, is that my reaction in the past (to eating something off plan) might be:

a) feel like a failure, eat more junk, keep feeling like a failure for hours or day or even weeks, keep eating more junk
b) hate myself and punish myself by forcing myself to exercise, hating it the whole time, with a voice running through my head about what a failure I was.

But this time I really felt okay. My eating no longer defines me. I walked because I felt like walking, and I biked because that's what I do. I bike. It was not at all connected to whether my eating was great or not. The biggest change of all:
My mood and emotions were NOT determined by what I ate. By evening I felt the same as I had every previous evening... no depth of despair, no hopelessness, no fear. And this morning I did not awake with self-loathing; I awoke with the same optimism and happiness that I usually enjoy in the morning.

I think I really have changed! Peace is good.

23 comments:

kristi said...

I just signed up for Medifast yesterday. I have been stuck for months (read 7 there) and hope this will have the same effect on me as it has on you. Thanks for all your posts. Here is to making this work.

Katy said...

I hope I can feel like this one day. It's inspiring to see you not abuse food... gives me hope.

Stephanie Hill said...

I am so thankful that you are sharing with us what you learn. I'm hoping reading about your lessons will help me learn my own.

I don't know how you feel about alternative medicine, but the Bach flower remedies are really helpful when it comes to dealing with different emotional states. In fact, the Bach folks make a special kit for people who deal with emotional eating issues. I don't sell these remedies, but I am a long-time user of their other remedies. Planning on purchasing the emotional eating remedies for myself soon.

Amy said...

You managed to verbalize exactly how I have felt for the past 15 years. You teach me and inspire me by leaps and bounds every day! Thank you for sharing your journey with me!

FrugalMom said...

It sounds like a great cha
The Fit & Frugal Challenge
nge.

Winner at a Losing Game said...

You have come a long way. Congratulations.

Lori said...

Isn't it amazing how much we don't know about how foods, affect us both for the good and the bad.
Lori
http://deepdarkweightloss.blogspot.com/

Margie M. said...

Learning how to accept "different" and live with it is essential. Good for you!!! Great post today, as always, Lyn.

Margie M. writes at:
www.myhealthylivingthruweightcontrol.blogspot.com

Jack Sh*t, Gettin' Fit said...

What an uplifting post!

You are on a great adventure, my friend.

Anonymous said...

Does Medifast include a B vitamin complex in their products? D3? I find that taking the range of B & D vitamins with my other supplements really reduces inflammation, chronic pain and seems to turn the "pessimist" switch to "optimist"...something I struggle with to some extent. It seems to be much easier for me to be happy while keeping up my B & D.

From what you have said about emotions changing a bit, I would be interested if not only eliminating the simple carbs, but some of the supplementation is helping. Especially if they do include it.

Lyn said...

Anonymous~

Medifast claims to have 100% RDA of vitamins & minerals in a days worth of its meals. However I have been taking D3 since fall and a sublingual B complex for maybe 2 months. I am sure both help.

georgia said...

Excellent state of mind! It takes time to get there, but when you do it feels great!

ivoryfrog said...

I hope I can get to this stage some day... I have all those negative feelings about myself regularly. I have hope that things can be different someday. :)

thank you for sharing :)

amoslionhorse said...

i was going to ask about the vitamins or if happy pills were involved with medifast. :)

as someone else said.. what an uplifting post.. you sound awesome, it feels good to write it doesn't it?

Betty said...

That is so wonderful! I'm so glad for you. And inspired BY you! Here's to being healthier and happier!

Anonymous said...

I would not mind trying medifast. But I have concerns about it. First off, I could not stick with it forever due to cost, and second, if I lose weight and go off of it, will the weight come back?

I also have issues with low blood sugar and I have to eat higher amounts of protein when controlling my portions and calories.

Lyn said...

Anonymous~

those are absolutely valid concerns. Depending on what you spend for food NOW, it may be expensive or it may save you money. But I would definitely not want to be on it forever regardless. Medifast does have a transition plan to get you off their foods and back into a regular healthy way of eating, so I will do that (and blog about it) when the time comes.

And YES! Like any diet, if you go off it and go back to unhealthy overeating the weight will come back. So it is very important for anyone, on any diet, to have a lifelong eating and exercise plan for maintenance. Mine is going to be mainly whole, unprocessed food, high protein, low carb, and lots of exercise. We'll have to wait and see how that works. :)

Karen said...

Lyn, isn't it amazing how much getting off the junk food improves our lives in every way??? I have had only 1/7 the success you have had but I can already see my moods becoming more stable and its so much better. :)

As always, you are an inspiration...even my Mom said so! LOL!!!

Jennifer said...

Congrats Lyn! There is something about Medifast that takes the whole obession of food away. The plan is rigid and I am feeling in control of my food choices. And it sounds like that is where you are at too. So congrats and keep up the good work.

Jennifer
http://wecanlosethepounds.blogspot.com/

Julie said...

You are doing great! It's amazing when you can actually revel in your accomplishments and just be happy!!!!

Anonymous said...

Greetings from Georgia. I visit each day to see how you are. And today is Sunday and no message - are you OK.
You have accomplished so much and have really helped me stay on program. Medifast really works - down 30 pounds in 2 months and counting.
Keep up the good work.

moonduster said...

Yay! I'm really happy to see you reach this point! The positive emotoins will breed more positivity, and soon enough you will be able to only notice and focus on all the good in yourself and around you. :)

Hanlie said...

This is enormous progress! I'm still working on this mindset. It takes time...