Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Desires

I was sitting here minding my own business yesterday when suddenly I got an email from Starbucks. Like a fool, I opened it, and was accosted by a photograph and description of their new spring beverage... Dark Cherry Mocha.

Oh my gosh. I feel silly admitting this but I almost had a complete meltdown. My inner child came RAGING out and threw an almost tangible tantrum right there front and center in my head, wanting that stupid coffee drink. I could almost feel her pounding her fists and kicking her feet inside my head. She was really having a meltdown. I felt 1) left out and 2) deprived because I could not have that drink. It reminded me of the times when I was a little girl in grade school sitting in the hallway while my classmates had a birthday party, Easter party, Valentines party, or Christmas party that I was excluded from because of my childhood religion. I'd watch the moms walk past bringing cupcakes and cookies and knew I couldn't have any. I was doing it "for God" so I'd sit there and pray and try to feel like I was doing the right thing and He was pleased with me for not having those cupcakes. But that didn't change how sad I felt. (You can read more about this experience in my life here and here.)

The mocha meltdown wasn't really about the childhood past thing, but it was the same *feeling.* I have gone over and dealt with those experiences and have come to peace with them. But I still, somehow, feel the same way when I "can't have" a particular food. I don't JUST feel like I wish I could have it. I feel left out.

I got over it quickly enough... went on about my life, baked some delicious calzones for my family for dinner while I made myself a cauliflower pizza. The calzones smelled so wonderful, like pizza and freshly baked bread all at once, and I really enjoyed smelling it. But I was okay with not having any. I wasn't tempted to have some even though I knew it would be good. I just enjoyed the warm scents and the pleasure of my kids eating their homemade dinner.

Maybe I will have a dark cherry mocha someday... maybe not. I don't really care. It's funny how for just a few moments that coffee drink *became my world* and nothing else existed. I guess there is something to be said for waiting out a craving (or a want).

28 comments:

Autumnforest said...

Just replace "dark cherry mocha" with a "juice track suit" or "Manola Blahnik shoes" and it probably seems rather junior high to be excited about the newest trend. I help myself whenever I hear of some new chocolate item by thinking of the commercial saying "we just found another way to kill you slowly and painfully--have our new double chocolate shake." Makes me put it in perspective real quickly. It's like the devil on your shoulder trying to seduce you. You win when it doesn't work anymore. Your attitude is good. You recognized the childish excitement and then instead of acting, let yourself chill out and think about it. You show a huge deal of emotional maturity.

Andra said...

I almost hurled when I read "dark cherry mocha" because it sounds vile.

I know this post isn't really about Starbucks but honestly, Sbux coffee drinks are seriously overpriced and underwhelming and I absolutely hate the way my hair and clothing smells after sitting inside the shop for an hour.

Marketing and advertising does its job to make us want things we do not need. You played the game well by feeling "the want" then processing it and then letting it go. That money and calories are better spent elsewhere.

Bella said...

When I'm struggle with a raging food craving, I like to picture that treasured snack in its most unappetizing form. Instead of thinking of the Dark Cherry Mocha beverage, I think of the chocolate sludge at the bottom of the cup. Instead of thinking of ooey gooey cheese, I think of what it looks like congealed on my plates when I'm trying to do the dishes.

That said, I'm yet to find a way to use this technique against cookies or cake. They're just so tasty I can't focus on the less appetizing moment. We all have our weaknesses.

Anonymous said...

You couldn't celebrate birthdays when you were a child? How awful! What was your mother's religion?

Ex Yo-Yo Dieter Debbie said...

Maybe the dark cherry mocha drink wouldn't even taste good!

That Starbucks! Maybe you should unsubscribe from their e-mails for a while, so they can't blindside you like that!

Lyn said...

Anonymous~

No holidays or birthdays at all. But I don't name the religion nor go into the specific beliefs because I don't want to start a religious debate on my blog and don't want to bash any religion. To each his or her own... but it wasn't for me in the end.

Losing Harry said...

The cost of Starbucks alone is enough to turn me off to anything they have to offer.

mommygonemilf said...

We were shopping the other day for a carpet cleaner and my husband found an ice cream made with Girl Scout cookies - Samoa. (There oughta be a law) While looking at the carpet cleaners he asked me to hold the ice cream! Pure torture, I wanted to cry. I told him that was the meanest thing ever! We both laughed.

P.S. you can make a choco cherry mocha out of a medifast shake and sugar free cherry syrup!

Carrie said...

I wanted you to know that I caved and had a tall dark cherry mocha this morning and it was HORRIBLE! I don't even know why I thought it would be good. What a waste of money. At least I didn't drink it all and waste calories as well. You are such an inspiration for me and so many others. I can not thank you enough for sharing your adventures.

Blubeari said...

In those moments nothing else in the world even exists or matters.... after it's all over I feel so silly. Either way, I understand. Big congrats for not giving in!

spunkysuzi said...

I actually thought it sounded really good. And then i started to think in my head how i could order it healthier. I am so Starbucks illiterate that i wasn't sure what i would ask for, and then i thought if it's that hard do i really want it?? No!

Anonymous said...

Cauliflower pizza? I was planning on making zucchini pizza for dinner, but I am intrigued by the sound of this.

seattlerunnergirl said...

Lyn, sometimes I feel like you're in my head. I talk about my "inner teenager" and the tantrums she throws a lot. I did have one comment, though. You said that you couldn't have that drink. You really could, you know. Something that really helps me give my inner teenager the bird is framing things this way: I have a choice. I can eat whatever I want. I am CHOOSING to limit/change my food intake in order to achieve my goals. So, you could have had that mocha, but you chose not to. Congrats on riding out the craving!

Theresa said...

advertising is so powerful. We've been victims of it forever. Good for you holding out on it. I think recording your feelings like this is so empowering. :)

Lyn said...

Anonymous~

recipe coming! It was really great!

PhluffyPrincess said...

Sometimes I have a craving like that, never for coffee bc I don't drink it, but for CHOCOLATE! I can totally relate. And although I didn't have the religious restrictions you had as a child, I never went trick or treating bc my mother didn't allow us to "celebrate" Halloween and the Monday after when all the kids had their TONS of candy, I felt so left out!!!

Anonymous said...

had the exact same experience a couple yrs ago when sbux announced the salted caramel hot chocolate.

well, i struggled many weeks debating on whether to try it, i finally ordered it and was so so let down. the 'barista' just opened a packet, poured it in a cup and added hot milk and syrup. yuck. coulda done that with swiss miss.

I second everyone here on the power of marketing....same reason i have an ipod when really any mp3 player does pretty much the same thing

Lissa said...

It's not that you CAN'T have it, Lyn. You have a car with gas and you're not broke and God isn't forbidding it. You CHOOSE NOT TO because you're awesome and strong and motivated and determined and deserve to be healthy. There's a difference!

first steps said...

Hi Lyn,
I just wanted to tell you that I found your blog on Sunday and have spent every spare moment since then reading it all from the beginning. I have been so inspired! I began my own journey that very same day! I have a loooong way to go, but am taking the first steps thanks to you and your blog. Your words have brought me to tears more than once and I can so relate to many of your experiences. I have already tried some of your recipes and have my "first ever" butternut squash in my kitchen ready to try. Thank you so much for your honesty and keep up the good work!! (I,too am eagerly awaiting your cauliflower pizza recipe!)

Deanna - The Unnatural Mother said...

Waiting out a craving, actually succeeding is HUGE!!! Congrats! And yes, one day we will all have our dark cherry mocha drink because we will find balance with food, we will, we will, I know we will!!

My Lipstick Life said...

A tip I got was to tell yourself you can have it tomorrow if you still want it. After the initial craving is passed and tomorrow comes (along with sanity) it is much easier to say no and mean it. Glad you were able to say no today too.

globalmom said...

That cauliflower pizza looks awesome! I've gotta try it! Do you have any idea of what a couple of slices would come to in terms of calories (without any extra toppings?) The best part about it is that I'd probably get it all to myself, since I can't sell cauliflower to anyone else in the fam! Thanks for sharing!

Lyn said...

globalmom~

405 calories :)

screwdestiny said...

Oh my gosh, that does sound really good!

I don't know if this helps, but I'm not able to have one, whether I want it or not, because I live in a stupid small town that doesn't even have a Starbucks! *pouts*

Anonymous said...

Hey Lyn, I've been reading your blog for a bit and you are an inspiration. I'm amazed by you. I now know why I *get* you. I was also brought up in what i can only imagine was a *very similar* if not the same religion from the age of 4. I missed out on all the normal school stuff like friends, was dissuaded from trying hard at school and just about forbidden from going to university - I had to devote my life to god and spend time trying to get others to believe instead of spending time in the *bad* associations of the the *world*.
It's taken me a long time (20 years out of the religion) to forgive myself and stop regretting, go to uni and start to live.
Thanks for your words, they made me feel sane and not alone.....
PS - I *never* post on blogs this one just meant a lot to me.xxxx

Lyn said...

Anonymous~

Yep, sounds like we have had the same exeperience. And it is one that people cannot fully grasp unless they've experienced it. I have written a *lot* about it but never put it on here because... well, maybe someday.

I'd love to hear from you if you want to email me :)

All Women Stalker said...

I am a big fan of coffee and would prolly have rushed out to go and grab that drink pronto. It does take a lot of resolve to be able to wait out a craving, and I admire you for that.

Vicki said...

Remember that this dark cherry mocha (or pretty much anything from Starbux) is NOT your friend. It's just like that two-faced little girl in school who always said nice things to your face then stabbed you behind your back. That's what this mocha is doing. Do not let it into your life.