Friday, February 19, 2010

Peanut Butter Flashbacks

Last night I went to bed at 9 to try and catch up on my sleep. And today I feel *so* much better! I feel energized and alive and just overall GOOD, which is especially nice since this is PMS week. My little girl seems to be improving, too: no fever last night, and her cough is just a little bit better. I'm going to take her out in the yard today so we can both get some fresh air and sunshine.

I've been eating healthy meals, staying under my calorie goal and doing ok with that. I am also paying close attention to getting enough protein with my meals because I tend to feel hungry a lot when I am PMSing. I had an interesting "flashback" of sorts yesterday when I was eating my snack; I thought of something I had forgotten for a long time.

Yesterday, I was in the kitchen grabbing a banana and peanut butter for my snack. Usually I spread the peanut butter on the banana, but this time I just wanted to hurry up and eat it because I was so hungry. I grabbed a half tablespoon (measuring spoon) and levelled it off with peanut butter, and took a lick. As I was standing there, I remembered something I used to do *all the time.*

Back in the day when I paid little attention to how much and what I was eating, I often would grab one of those large soup spoons from the drawer and use it to scoop a *heaping* glob of Jif peanut butter out of the jar. Then I'd stand there (alone, of course... who would eat like that in front of anyone??) and lick the peanut butter off the spoon until it was gone. Then I'd do it again (with a fresh spoon just because I didn't want to be TOO gross). And I'd do that 3 or 4 times and then wash the spoons so hopefully no one would notice (except for asking "where'd all the peanut butter go??")

Now, thinking back, I had NO sense of how many calories I was ingesting. One heaping spoonful was *easily* a quarter cup of peanut butter; even being conservative, if I ate just 3 spoonfuls that is 1,140 calories! It wasn't on a sandwich, or a meal, or a treat, or anything in particular; it was more like, "I'm bored, I want something yummy, how about some peanut butter?" I was absolutely mindless about my eating, and it is no wonder I got to 280 pounds. But because it was so mindless it was a huge shock when I saw the pictures of myself on vacation in my size 26/28 pants and 3x shirt and said, "who IS that person??"

As I enjoyed my half tablespoon (48 calories) of peanut butter the other day, it tasted good. But I didn't even consider eating a GLOB of peanut butter like I used to. I just can't be that person anymore; my mind has changed... not just my body. And as time goes on, I hope my mind will decide not to want other unhealthy amounts of food, because right now, it's still a challenge not to want candy and cookies and cakes and pizza. I'm thankful I have stuck with my committment to stay away from fast food. And I am almost completely off sodas (with about 2 or 3 a month, trying to cut down to zero!) Eventually, there will be enough changes that my food intake won't even vaguely resemble the way I used to eat. At least, that's my goal.

23 comments:

NewMe said...

I adore peanut butter and eat it on a slice of toast with some sliced banana every morning.

One little thing: do you buy no-sugar, no-salt peanut butter? It really makes a difference taste-wise and it's so much better for you!

Lyn said...

NewMe~

You are SO right about that. I have to admit I am still a Jif girl. I *hate* that even real, freshly ground peanut butter doesn't taste good to me (yet). But, I *do* buy no-sugar, all natural almond butter, cashew butter, and sunflower seed butter that I really love, and I use those most of the time instead of peanut butter. I try to limit the Jif.

Fat Vegan said...

Years ago I gained so much weight melting gobs of peanut butter and then pouring it on top of ice cream. I did it a couple times a day. It was disgusting the amount I went through. It makes me sick thinking about it.

Lyn said...

Fat Vegan~

omg, I did that too!! I was trying to get the "Friendly's" experience. Yikes...

Dinah Soar said...

Don't forget, it took a long time to get in the condition you were in at your top weight. And it is going to take time to lose all that weight and change your mind as well as your body in the process. You could do something to lose it fast but what would be the point if you only regained it in the end?

Protein and a little fat always helps me stay full longer. Also, eating some filling things like a big salad of raw stuff along with my fat and protein helps-- fiber in the stomach takes longer to digest . And in between meals munch on some raw fruit to appease your sweet tooth..I tell ya, eat a big old navel orange, then eat an apple or a banana. You will feel full especially if its dessert at the end of a meal.

You might try eating a lot of fresh raw fruits and veg for about 4 days in addition to your protein and fat. I think it helps to cleanse the palate of all the processed stuff.

Margie M. said...

Oh, I've done the exact same thing. In fact, I posted a very similar story about "Secrets" a while back. I was always a secret eater. I think it is good to remember and be able to think back on those old days, just like you did today. It is part of the learning process in getting to that healthy lifestyle we all want.

Margie M. writes at:
www.myhealthylivingthruweightcontrol.blogspot.com

M said...

I hate PMS weeks.

The Sweet Tooth Obliteration Operation said...

I also used to do the same thing in high school. My friends and I used to call them "peanut butter lollipops". Looking back I also had the same really unhealthy eating habits, I used to come home from school and make a half batch of cookie dough and eat it all, I would never even consider doing that now.

Genie @ Diet of 51 said...

The ease of consuming mega calories of peanut butter is frightening! Glad you're aware of that now, and have changed you behavior and attitude toward it.

Jeane said...

Ooh peanut butter spoons!! That is what we called them. Geez I've never realized how many calories were in them. Hmmm.

Debbie said...

Oh, I'm SO happy that I don't like peanut butter. I don't need that temptation! Now, if only I could stop liking chocolate quite so much...

You're doing great!

rmslil said...

I sometimes eat peanut butter on my bananas too and I always get weird looks. I have to tell them about you and thar I am not alone.

The Chubby Girl Diaries said...

I love peanut butter! It is so addicting! I used to like to make myself pb & banana sandwiches every now and then! I still think PB & bananas are a healthy snack! :)

I am so glad that you are having an awesome day! PMS is the pits!! I can feel that time drawing near for me as well. I get so irritable that I could bite my own butt!

Have a wonderful weekend!

~Kellie

Seth said...

Definitely did that too! 3 months ago - ha!:)

screwdestiny said...

Mmm, peanut butter is delicious. I pretty much did exactly what you described when I was pregnant. But in my defense, I had hardly anything to eat most of the time and needed to get my calories from somewhere.

Anonymous said...

I'm not sure your cravings for junk ever really go away. People say that it does, but I don't believe them. I lost 56 lbs over the past year and am finally at my goal weight. I still want junk food everyday. I just have to want to be thin more. Just sayin'

Seren_Sighs said...

I was eating krema peanut butter for a while, which was just peanuts. But kroger stopped carrying it so now I eat the all natural kroger peanut butter which is just peanuts and salt. I love it, but it is different from the name brands. It tastes like just peanuts and I find processed peanut butter is really sweet.

But the reason I won't eat processed peanut butter is the trans fats/hydrogenated oils in it. I couldn't believe it whan I saw that stuff in there. Plus I think there might be high fructose corn syrup too.

I like almond butter but I've only had the one that has a little sugar in it, not "raw" almond butter which is just almonds. The raw one is like twice as expensive though.

If I started eating processed peanut butter again I would probably like it but I just don't give myself that option. It's natural peanut butter or none at all.

Steelers6 said...

I wonder if you have Crazy Richard's natural peanut butter on your coast, Lyn.
Tasty stuff, and ya gotta love the ingredient listing: "peanuts". period. :) It is available here even in the large chain supermarkets.

Also, I see there is now "simply Jif" avail, which is a weee bit better than regular. Every little modification helps, as you remind us often!

Hey, so proud of you on your changes, such as fast food and soda pop. I love this -- "Eventually, there will be enough changes that my food intake won't even vaguely resemble the way I used to eat." Oh yeah, that's what I"m talking about!! Me too!!! I'm actually kind of amazed by myself sometimes if I stop to think about it. Woo hoo! Go us! =) Chrissy

Anonymous said...

What a great story of transformation. It gave me flashbacks of eating PB from the jar--never comprehending the consequences--except I used the same spoon for every bite! It's nice to be reminded that I've changed a harmful behavior even though I still have a long way to goal weight. Thanks!

Salted with Shadows said...

Lyn, I am also a Jif girl--it just tastes right. I measure out the portions now. I like it on bananas or apples.

A spoonful of peanut butter is better than my standby from waaaay back in the day, a spoonful of frosting from the can--do they even make that stuff anymore??!?!?

Momma Hunt said...

I totally understand where you are coming from, been there done that. I am right with you trying to work on those destructive eating behaviors. Good for you going with the measuring spoon!

Anonymous said...

jif = fudge. it's amazingly delicious and addictive, and that's why. peanut butter + shortening + sugar = joy. candy, not really peanut butter. total sugar trigger for me.

Anonymous said...

I have done just that with the peanut butter. I love it and it is a real danger to have in the house. I have had to ban if for this reason.

Good luck on your journey

Christine