Saturday, February 13, 2010

Just a Rant...

Today was kinda crazy, great and scary all at once. I am sort of wondering why I am not sticking to my plan 100%... and wondering what the heck it will take to do that. I WANT it, I have a plan, I have the knowledge, I have the ability. Is it the chemical reactions of sugar and fat in my brain that is causing me trouble? Is it some hidden emotional issue I haven't tapped yet (although I have tapped A LOT)? Is it some flaw in me? Am I just too scared to lose the weight?

I dunno. It frustrates me when I "wake up" shoving food in my mouth that I never intended to be there. I mean, I will just be walking through the house and suddenly have a chunk of bread in my mouth. Or at a friend's house and discover I am eating chocolate kisses. Bad habit? Subconscious self-sabotage? Geez, I dunno. I am tired of analyzing it, and tired of muting the joy of a good day with these ridiculous slip ups. I just want to live a normal life!

Anyway, today went like this:

Got up, felt great, had my Chai tea with milk & agave nectar that I have every morning. Dished up a bowl of steel cut oats from the crockpot which I had prepped the night before. No sugar added, but I drizzled a teaspoon of honey over it and added a splash of milk. Tasted great. Felt energized. Drank a cup of green tea and started being productive.

Cleaned, made a birthday cake for a family member (I made it from a BOX, which is unheard of for me, but I don't like boxed cake mixes so this was my way of making sure I was not eating cake for days). Went outside and did yard work for over an hour. And I mean WORK!! I raked vigorously. The sweat was pouring off me. My heart was racing. It was a fantastic workout, it felt great, and my yard looks wonderful! Came inside drank some water and then found a cookie in my mouth. Seriously. I didn't even think about the dumb cookie and it belonged to my 17-year-old who is trying to GAIN weight. The cookie was all natural, healthy, yada yada but still I had no intention of eating a cookie.

Then I stuck with my plan to eat "real food" and had 2 nice slices of real whole wheat bread from a local bakery (no junk in this bread, very basic) with a bit of butter. I had a glass of milk (from grass fed cows, yummy) and a half cup of fresh, local, organic apple cider that tasted just like drinking an apple! So good.

Then we went on errands. I took my son to work, went shopping, went to visit a friend, and then it was 4pm and I obviously hadn't had enough protein. Picked up my son who was hungry. We stopped at a little shop and had a small cheese steak. I ate a few of my son's fries. I drank half a Coke. Why?? Because I wanted a Coke... I love the stuff. Do I love it more than my health? More than losing weight? Geez, apparently. I mean, I don't think so but then in the moment it is like I would give my left arm for that Coke. I hate that feeling.

Even up to this point I was within my calories. Yes, I coulda had an apple instead of cider. I coulda had a chicken sandwich instead of cheese steak. I coulda, shoulda. But even til then I was ok, if I had what I was PLANNING to have for dinner (chicken and vegs).

Went home to cook dinner. Whoops, the stove is not working. The microwave went out and a new one is going in. Kitchen is inaccessible for cooking. Birthday Boy asked for Chinese so we ordered take out. I ordered chicken (breast) cooked with cabbage, broccoli, onions, and garlic... a good choice. It was delish. I had maybe 1/4 c rice with it but also delved into someone else's sweet and sour pork (the battered, fried greaseball kind). I had 4 balls of pork before I realized what I was doing. I was on, like, autopilot eating like I used to eat (but smaller portions). I stopped eating before I was full.

Then out came the cake and ice cream. I had half of a very small piece and a scoop of low fat ice cream but I didn't even like it. I ate it out of "respect" for the birthday person. WHY? Where is the respect for MYSELF?

After everyone dispersed and I was left alone with myself, I was sitting here and just went and got 3 cookies and another scoop of ice cream. And after I ate it I got mad and started ranting inside my head, telling myself there is something wrong with me, I have been stagnating about my weight for over a year, and why the hell can't I just DO THIS THING and quit dinking around and lose the damn weight?

I know this blog sounds angry, and 'down,' but in fact the overwhelming FEELING I have is one of determination. That I HAVE to do this. I HAVE to find a way. People are always saying, try this, try that. Just don't have anything 'bad' in your house. I can tell you, if I lived alone or just had small kids this would be a million times easier because I would have ONLY healthy foods in my cabinets and fridge. But I am not the sole shopper, and I am not the only person living here. Maybe if I told my son, who has a job and earns his own money to buy what he wants, "you can't have anything but apples and whole wheat bread," maybe then I'd lose weight. Or maybe he would just move out or go live with his Dad to get away from a mother who raised him on junk but expects him to suddenly eat 100% healthy foods. I do the best I can with these kids. Four of my kids are teenagers (one is almost 20). They have been very good and supportive of a lot of changes: skim milk instead of whole, whole grain crackers instead of Ritz, ground lean turkey in place of beef, light mayo instead of regular, veggies added to their meals, turkey sausages instead of pork, whole grain pasta instead of white, brown rice instead of Minute Rice. I used to keep them stocked in donuts and Oreos and ice cream and take them to McDonalds and Taco Bell. No more. They are good supportive kids and I am not going to be a diet nazi with them (although I kind of am with my daughter, who is 4, because I do not want her raised on junk the way they were). I also have a husband who, when he is here, brings in a lot of chips, snacks, high fat foods, sodas, etc and then eats them in front of me. I asked him to keep 'his' food in a special place where I wouldn't see it all the time but he won't. (No bashing, please, I know what he is). No matter what I say, the high cal foods roll in. I have to learn to deal with it and not eat it just because it is THERE. Just because other people have their junk does not mean I have to eat it. I really have got to just put a stop to eating "their" food.

Ah, this turning into quite the rant. Yet another look straight into my brain right from your monitor. Well, the bottom line is I want to lose the weight, so I am just going to keep working at it until I get it right. I wish it wasn't such a battle. I've done low carb, I've gotten off sugar, I've done just about every plan there is, I've gone to counseling, I've read almost every book anyone has suggested on this blog, I've done Beck, and yet here I am. I guess I already knew that there is no magic solution. The answer has to come from inside ME. I have it about 80% right, which is enough to maintain where I am. It's that other 20% that is hanging me up.

I WILL get it right.


Ms. PJ Geek said...

Just kinda right where I am at today. I'm always looking back at what I did when I had wt loss successes and lost the first 100lbs. I asked myself why am I still here, wanting to binge, actually binged today . Why? what caused it?
Today, I had a new thought..I just have to start off as a newbie..forget some of what I think i know and forget trying to figure out what worked in the past. And just work my program.

Thanks for putting it out there, Lyn. It helps me understand myself too.

Amberly said...

I live at home with my husband (who doesn't eat a whole lot of bad things) and I always thought of this as my safe haven.... then I had some friends stay with us for 2 months... I was a wreck (and I literally gained back about 35 lbs) I was so upset... Pizza, Pop tarts, cookies, cakes, candies.... in my safe haven!!! I starting thinking... 'When I have kids there's not gonna be this... or that" then after I settled down... I thought... I can never really control my environment, I can try to... but at the end of the day it's really up to me. I'm accountable to me.
These obstacles you are going through are definitely gonna make you such a stronger person so that you can control you in your own environment. You are totally right about it being up to you. Thanks so much for being an inspiration. I've started to go back and read your blog from the very beginning. You are awesome... keep up the good work!

Hanlie said...

I think most of us know what we need to do, but lack consistency. Yes, it's hard. But we WILL figure it out!

screwdestiny said...

Well, the thing is, food is one of the great pleasures of life, at least in my opinion. And probably in the opinion of every overweight person out there. But when it caused you to be morbidly obese, you saw that it was hurting you. You started to see all that "delicious, wonderful" food as the enemy, and as something that you could not allow into your body because even though it tasted good, in the end it had given you a body you didn't want, made you feel crappy, etc. So you rejected the food for a while, knowing that the taste simply was not worth it. But now that you have lost over 30 pounds, you're significantly better, your body still isn't perfect, but it can do a lot of the stuff you want it to do, and with greater ease. This isn't exactly a life or death situation anymore. So I think that you now want to get back to that pleasurable food since it's no longer this great enemy. And that's perfectly normal. It just won't get you where you ultimately want to be. Anyway, I might be way off base there, but it seems like that might be what's causing you to stray a little off plan lately.

Rachel said...

This rant is awesome. I know that's not necessarily what rants are supposed to be, but it is awesome, because it is real and honest and analytical and passionate, and even just the energy behind it is noteworthy. I am rooting for you, that you will be able to put that psychic energy into physical energy.

And the big paragraph about your kids/family and foods inside your home and whatnot? I'm really glad you wrote that. I will admit that in the past the thoughts have crossed my mind like "Hmm, I wonder why she even has that at home to eat..." but I can say at least for me, that kind of thought is a lot more about ME than about YOU, since I do live alone and there's been plenty of times where I find myself shoveling down ice cream or crackers or whatever with no reasonable excuse to be made at all. At any rate, it's a good reminder that even if we have well-meaning tips and encouragements to share with each other, we are all very different in our circumstances.

Best of luck, Lyn. Thank you for writing such a thoughtful and well-written blog :)

The Accidental Fat Chick said...

Rants can be good things, getting it out there and off your chest. :)

With your Chinese dinner (which I'll now be dreaming of lol), I noticed you said you ate the same foods as before, but in smaller amounts. Be proud of yourself for sticking with the smaller portions!

You're headed in the right direction. We all have slip ups and setbacks, the important thing is to remember tomorrow is a new day... a fresh start. :)

Anonymous said...

Laurel Mellin's "The Solution." WORKS.

Anonymous said...

Luckily, the junk food that my husband likes, I have no desire to eat. The rare occasion that he brings home something that I like and I'm a goner. I wish there was an easy solution aside from simply resisting temptation from the junk food you buy for your children. Can they keep the non-perishables in their rooms? Since you say they're on-board with your eating, maybe they can help in this sense. I used to keep my food in a Rubbermaid container in my dorm room under my bed and never had any bug problems or anything. That way, it won't be staring you in the face.

Anonymous said...

"We stopped at a little shop and had a small cheese steak. I ate a few of my son's fries. I drank half a Coke. Why?? Because I wanted a Coke... I love the stuff. Do I love it more than my health? More than losing weight? Geez, apparently. I mean, I don't think so but then in the moment it is like I would give my left arm for that Coke. I hate that feeling."

Once again Lyn, I suspect you are writing about me....and a whole host of people trying to lose weight. Don't we all know that feeling?

Playing amateur psychologist here but I reckon we grew fat because we loved the taste of certain foods and we ate them more often than we should have done. We acquired a taste for them...and now, because they are fatty, sugary, calorific and mainly 'rubbish' foods, we take them out of our eating plan. How long does the memory of the taste linger though? Does it ever go away?

Didn't most of us eat for comfort? We ate because it filled some sort of emotional need in us. Now, we plan to eat healthily and in doing so, we cut out all the foods we used to love - foods that are old friends. We have gone cold turkey on them. Just like the heroin addict has to be weaned off his habit with a substitute drug, we have to be weaned off ours carefully too. Our substitute drug is 'a little bit of this, and a little bit of that'...all the foods we used to love. Now though, we try to control the amounts we eat, but the urge is always there.

Lyn, I think in controlling the amounts you ate, you have done really well. You still feel you messed up though. We kick ourselves because we know what to do to lose weight and we want to become smaller, but we seem to sabotage all our efforts.

I'll hold my hand up and say that I still CRAVE so many foods. I still make silly choices rather than wise ones. Not every day, but two or three days a week I know I have succumbed and eaten something that really had no nutritional value, but it tasted SO good.

I think slowly, slowly it becomes easier to say no. I think it will take me AGES to say no completely to all the foods I love, but I have started making small changes which I CAN stick to.

There are going to be days when we still resort to food to make us feel good (although ironically we feel bad after eating it!)
I tell myself I am not a useless person for falling off the wagon. I am human and slowly retraining myself. Isn't it good that we are conscious of our eating mistakes? I know I eat smaller portions these days and I know I tend to choose healthy options more than I choose food which does me no good and piles on the pounds if I eat it.

It's a marathon not a sprint, and as long as we keep keeping on, we will get there in the end if we are determined to do so.

My way of dealing with this urge to eat the tasty things (and yes, they are tasty!)is to have a Saturday when I cut myself a little slack. Knowing I can indulge is a good feeling - and I am surprising myself by indulging just a little and not going completely overboard.

I know you are kicking yourself but you too are doing the healthy thing more often than you are doing the unhealthy thing. We just have to keep working at it until we don't like the junk food of old at all. (I can't see that day coming soon for me, but I'll get there because already I am not as tempted by it as I used to be. That's progress!)


Anonymous said...

The most honest post I have ever read. I can relate to it and I am only just starting on my 110lb weight loss. Carol

Weighting Around said...

Very few things worth doing in life are easy and weight loss is one of the most difficult. You have taken all the right steps and are doing so well. Don't beat yourself up. Our Weight Watcher leader told us to make a list of all the things we could do when we feel like eating and then post it right on the door of the fridge. Before you open that door at night - read the list and pick one of the activities. It will keep you from making that wrong choice. Try it, you've got nothing to lose but a weight!

Claire said...

Does part of you want to stay fat? I know for me the fat made me feel safe. As I lost weight I got panicky and turned to food. That was my sabotage. I need to just sit with that feeling of panic and let it ebb away. I also started weight training so I felt stronger.

The other thing is whether you actually believe you can do it? If you don't or you do-ish then it harder to stick to it.

When it comes to crappy food I just don't give myself the choice. There is NO choice to eat it. It stops the round and around thoughts.

Anonymous said...

Yes you will!

I don't have anything wise to share, but just want to cheer you on!

Anonymous said...

I loved your rant today. I totally understand the place you are in and know the desire you speak of to get past this. I know for me, I have used food as comfort for the last 40 years, and there just doesn't seem to be anything I've found that replaces that comfort feeling. And when I'm wanting something unhealthy, I feel uncomfortable and I don't like how that feels. Just forgive yourself and keep putting one foot in front of the other. :)

Leslie said...

Rants are good, and I've had plenty of them on my blog. I do better for a bit, and then seem to fall into behavior that renders me "rant worthy" in a couple of weeks, give or take and day. Then I get mad at myself and say, "Well Leslie, talk IS cheap." A good rant full of insight is fine, but it hasn't thus far led me to sustainable change of eating behavior. I hear you. I get it. I am you. And I don't want to be. I want to be one of the people whose journey down the scale is essentially linear.

I know in my gut that if I introduce sugar in any form, esp. honey or 100% pure maple syrup, it will trigger a binge. Maybe not immediately. But it will keep me wanting a little more - another drizzle later and so on. I don't want to have to give it up. I say moderation is the key. But I couldn't drink moderately and had to entirely give that up. Didn't think I could - couldn't imagine life without it. But my life truly started when I gave it up.

Once, a Nazi sponsor in OA said to me, "We keep the food black and white so we can live our lives in color." Within days, I left that fellowship, claiming my life was already being lived in color. But that turns out to not be entirely true, as I'm finding out now. I'm always contemplating going back to that 12 step program for awhile to get some solid weight loss and recovery behind me. But so many of those women who have great weight loss that way ultimately begin the scale climb after awhile. AARRGGHH!

Sorry Lyn, I think I should have made this my own post, not a comment. But I want you to know I understand the anger and frustration. Promise to to comment so long again!

Holistic Health Coach-Tri Mom said...


Thanks so much for your rant. I too continually sabotage myself (or at least prior to the last month) and eat "subconsciously" i like to call it. I would never sit down to eat, I would eat whatever was lying around, I would have things in the house that I knew I would eat and quickly if they remained in the house. And I always had an excuse. I never put myself first and I always took the easy way (weigh) out.

But I just started a diet that is actually working for me. It has greatly limited my food choices, which I thought would be horrible, but has actually been really good for me. I have learned to cook and love spices. I have learned about how my body reacts to foods and chemicals that are not good for me. And I have lost 22lbs and counting, without working out (which I kinda miss)...people have called this one of the crazy diets, but it has so worked for me.

So I guess you just find what works for you, you remind yourself no matter what that you are worth this work, and you take it one step at a time. You should be so proud of yourself for doing this...and setting a wonderful example for your family.

Seren_Sighs said...

It seems like you do really well for a couple months and then stop for some sort of pyschological reasons. Or perhaps you just get tired of dieting. I guess I don't blame you though, I get tired too.

You seem really comfortable (subconsciously) at this weight. It seems like a weight you come back to frequently. Probably because it's still overweight yet you can do much more than you could before.

Well, I have no words of wisdom or advice. Perhaps you just need to swear off certain foods again, like you did with the fast food.

Hopefully things will get better. Good luck!

Anonymous said...

Have you ever thought of Overeaters
Anonymous? I think it's free and there should be meetings near you. That way you would have the support you need and a sponsor that you could call when you find yourself in those weak moments.

soontobe...skinnygirl said...

Don't beat yourself up Lyn. I think that's the worst thing you can do... Move on.

We're all different. One "method" of losing weight might work better for me. I think to find those "triggers"...the ones that send us off on some uncontrollably eating frenzy is a learning experience and sadly what works one day might not the next. For me at the moment it seems to be sugars and anything with "cose"...that being sucrose, fructose....etc. I'm also finding that eating carbs in the way of breads and pasta, causes me to "crave". Whether or not it's really those things or I've convinced myself that it is, I don't know. I do know that I have good days and bad. That on the days I can avoid eating any of my so called "triggers" I feel elated. On the days I "fail", I'm devastated and as a result I fail a little more.

I've only started my journey. I read through your posts and look at your progress so far and I see a lot of amazing accomplishments...focus on those. You've already proven you can do it.

Here's to today...


Jeane said...

First of all I think you are being way too hard on yourself. And possibly overthinking this whole dieting. You talk about living on nothing but junk for YEARS and now you are going the opposite way eating fresh, organic, whole foods which is wonderful but it could possibly take years for your body to accept and adjust to only eating that way. Give yourself a break, look how far you've come: you recognize your crappy eating and get right on track that moment. Good for you, you know how hard that is to overcome.

However, (and please no bashing from the bashers) I want to call BS on the whole waking up to find yourself shoving crap in your mouth. Why? Because not only do you seem hyper aware of yourself, your body and how you're feeling, but I tend to think people don't walk around in such stupers unless there is something wrong with them. And it wouldn't be only times when food is involved. Are you leaving stores with items not paid for only to discover it later? Are you "waking up" driving around unsure of where you are going or why you are even driving? It's a very convenient excuse to say the food just basically fell into your mouth without you knowing, I know because I've used that one myself, but every action was a choice and I think that if you really want to change this behavior you can and you will.

You've come this far, Lyn. Keep up the good work with no excuses!

Autumnforest said...

You are totally in the exact same boat every single person is in. The fact is, if you're a drinker or a druggie, you get rehab and you come home and you're supposed to set up your life so nothing is the way it was before; not the same friends, routine, or anything. Trying to lose weight in the same place with the same responsibilities..impossible. So, I decided to make an image in my mind of the woman I always saw myself as, who is kind of a sandal wearing eco-weenie Sheryl Crow kind of figure. What does she keep in her cabinets? What does she keep in her fridge? What priorities does she make in her life to eat clean and live clean? She gives herself no options to drive through for meals, but keeps protein bars in her car. She doesn't keep the bad stuff in her house. She is a nazi about what she puts in her mouth. Somehow, knowing the woman I saw myself as and the one I'm being now made me realize I was only halfway there. I had to make it like a religious experience where I blindly follow the plan and allow no exceptions for birthdays, anniversaries, or anything. I just stop and ask myself "what would she do? what would she eat? what decision would she make?" Eventually, acting as-if becomes "am." You totally get yourself. I have no doubt you're in that awkward adolescent stage of halfway knowing/halfway needing experience. You are transforming. It's never clean-cut, but always very bumbling. Yup, we're all in that boat.

Karyn said...

I hear ya, my friend. If you figure it out, let me know.

Sue McD said...

Hi there, I've lost 56 lbs over the past 13 months. I am 5 lbs away from my goal. I think the key is consistency. At the beginning of your weight loss, when you have the most to lose, you can slip up occasionally and get away with it (still lose). As you lose more and more weight, even little slip ups will show up on the scale. Make sure you find treats that you can enjoy while your family is enjoying their treats. I love the deep chocolate vitatops and the skinny cow fudge bars. I enjoy baked Tostitos w/salsa. I also looking for to drinking wine on Friday nights and having been doing so for the last 13 months. Don't completely deny yourself, just find healthy alternatives. Recommitt yourself to staying strong. Remember: Being skinny is hard, being fat is hard. Pick your hard. You can do this - Good Luck - Sue

Lyn said...


I am not saying I am comatose and find food in my mouth when I wake up. It's more the automatic doing. Like when you are driving a familiar route to work or home and you get there with barely a recollection of how you got there. It's like that. To the point that I have been in the kitchen, realized I had put something in my mouth with no conscious thought, and turned around and spit it in the trash. It's not BS, it's the way our minds work in familiar circumstances sometimes.

Genie @ Diet of 51 said...

Oh, I feel for you! I'd have to guess that 99.9% of us have found ourselves stuck in that circular self-dialogue in which we know so much, yet can't find the answer.

We're so smart, we know what to do, so why can we just do it? WHY, WHY, WHHHYYYY?

Give yourself a big bunch of credit for recognizing that you don't want to raise your daughter in a junk food lifestyle. So many parents are in denial over that connection.

You are doing so many things right (the 80%), now get that 20% up and marching along with the rest of you. You can do it! You really can.

Tammy said...

Ahhhh Lyn, what can I say? You sound exactly like the rest of us girl. Any single one of us out here could have written the exact same post, and probably have somewhere along the way. It IS frustrating isn't it? I've got the same Coke addiction. I can go a couple of months solid w/o having any, drink one when I'm out to dinner with Dwayne (thinking SURELY BY NOW it will taste like crap and I won't even want it), and it's just as fizzy and delicious and perfect-tasting as I remember it. Life just sucks sometimes dude, lol.

I've got the same struggles, faulty brain, whatever you want to call it. I want to lose my weight just as much as you want to lose yours. I go to my sister's house to babysit every Monday, which is filled with crap food, snacks, etc., and every Monday, I go way over my calorie limit. I know how hard it is. I know you just want to pull your hair out and run away screaming sometimes because it seems like you'll never get it ALL perfectly right.

I think we just have to keep shooting for progress and keep reminding ourselves that perfection is just an impossibility. It really is.

I do think that we will both reach our weight loss goals. I truly believe that. But I also truly believe that it's going to take a bit longer than a lot of people. I hate that part, but I'm learning it's true. My best advice is just to tell you to pick yourself back up, dust yourself off, and keep going as best you know how. What else can we do girl? Just keep shoving on til we get there. And the victory is going to be so sweet for both of us, because it was so hard-earned. I can't wait to celebrate with you. :)

Steelers6 said...

Not quite sure if this is what Autumnforest meant, but I do find myself critiquing things from Jillian Michael's eyes sometimes. What would she order from this menu? What would she eat/approve of...What would she suggest, recommend, want to see me do, etc. It is helpful to me.

Diane Fit to the Finish said...

You will get it right. And the frustration and thoughts you are feeling are so normal. I appreciate your honestly.

redballoon said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
redballoon said...

Lyn, I think screwdestiny's post is the same as my thoughts. You've got to stop seeing your eating as something awful and weird. It's NORMAL. It is, you're going for enjoyment. Humans, like any animal, are wired to survive and one survives largely through eating.
Put some humor into your thoughts and take the pressure off. Try to make a game of it instead of saying what is right and what is wrong. Eating IS right, but too much is not going to get you the body you want. The body wants fat to a certain extent. Nowadays we know we won't have to have a month's worth of fat stored on us to survive. But the body doesn't know that so it is trying desperately to save you.
You have to laugh at its attempts, not beat yourself up over them.
I am the same. I say I want to lose weight but I just keep shoveling in the food. The ONLY thing that stops me is counting calories. I absolutely cannot leave it up to my body to keep me thin. Of course I can't. Its DUTY is to keep me with an ample layer of fat on me.
Laugh and lighten up. You ARE normal, with a very healthy mind!

TheLosingAmerican said...

You know what, I find myself wanting to go off my diet when it's gotten too 'easy/routine' or when I feel myself doing really well...for some reason, I purposely will self-sabotage. I had a reason to do this years ago (that I figured out after much reflection), but I'm hoping that this time around I have overcome it.

I really did, and sometimes still do, have a 'fear' about being thin. When I think about it, I have been overweight since I can LAST REMEMBER...losing weight will be me completely stepping out of my comfort zone for the first time in my life. I have found that people who aren't overweight have a VERY hard time understanding this (not criticising them, as I undersatnd that it's hard to empathize/understand things in which you haven't gone through yourself), but I know personally I fall victim to this 'fear.'

happyfunpants said...

That is 100% exactly where I am right now in my life. 80% is enough to keep me where I am - and even though I know that only an extra 20% will get me to lose weight, I can't bring myself to do it right now...and I don't know why.

I'm with you. And even if you get your stuff figure out and I don't, I'll still be cheering you on.

Until then, know that I get you. Truly.

Claire said...

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS POST! Thank you for being real, and just putting it out there. I am so tired of weight loss blogs that aren't...honest. I struggle, struggle, struggle, and am at my highest weight ever. It has got to stop. Now. I have high blood pressure, and my whole body hurts.

Even though you are venting, I get it, and I can relate. It helps me to not feel alone. Thank you again.

MB said...

I think it will always be a battle but getting it right 80% of the time will probably work fine in maintenance once we get there. This is normal life with all its ups and downs.

I can't trust myself with unhealthy snacks in the house so I'm in awe that you are able to resist it most of the time and only have a few slip ups.

How did you get straight into my brain through the monitor?