Thursday, February 18, 2010

The Journey

I'm back from the doctor. My daughter has a virus, which explains the 104 fevers. There's nothing they can do about it except watch that her bad cough doesn't turn into pneumonia and that her "bulging eardrums" do not become infected or burst. She is miserable. Poor baby. So I am spending my day fixing chicken soup, cuddling my girl, and watching Peter Pan with her.

I had a good eating day yesterday and am doing well today too. I think sometimes when one gets bumped out of their comfort zone (with a health scare or whatever) it does renew determination to keep going. I have to say that since I had those palpitations the other day I lost my appetite for junk completely. I'll enjoy that while it lasts.

I have always been a bit of a worrier (and an over-thinker). I've worried since I was 20 about dying of heart disease or cancer because of family history. My Grandma died of cancer before I was born; my Grandpa died of cancer when I was 4. He lived with us at the time and I loved him dearly. They weren't that old, either; I think mid 60's and early 70's, respectively. My other Grandpa, who I was very close to, died of a heart attack in his living room when I was 11 years old; he was, I believe, about 69 or 70. My own father had a heart attack when I was 14, and another took his life when I was 20. He was 61 when he died. And then my mother died of cancer at 57.

Part of why I wanted to lose weight in the first place was to extend my life. And to avoid going through having cancer or heart disease... even though weight loss and healthy diet are no guarantee against either. I just wanted to stack the odds in my favor. And then came the knee issues: severe degenerative arthritis, where the orthopedic surgeon told me I'd be walking with a cane soon (at 38) if I didn't "do something."

So I did something, and am still doing something. I want to live my best life, and every day I make choices that I hope will lead me to a better, longer, healthier life. And for now I am taking one day at a time... in fact, on moment at a time right now. Little changes, like deciding not to add salt to my food, or eating beans instead of beef, do make a difference. I have also spent a lot of time perfecting the "so what?" response to my inner brat. Yesterday when I got a chance to take a walk outside, part of me said, "I am too tired, I only got 3 hours of sleep." And the other part of me said, "so what?" And I went for the walk. Last week, part of me thought, "The kids asked for hot dogs, I really like hot dogs!" and the other part of me said "so what?" and just bought the acorn squash and mustard greens and bananas I went to the store for. And a few days ago when part of me was DEMANDING to eat the last few servings of low fat chocolate ice cream we had in the house for a birthday last week, I grabbed the container and started running hot water in it, OVER the ice cream, saying "so what?" to the inner child who was shouting "I want to eat that ice cream!!"

I hope that someday I will look back over this journey and see that each step I took really did bring me closer to my goal. I hope my knees will heal themselves when I get the weight off. I hope I don't develop heart disease or cancer. I am trying every day to focus on THAT big picture whenever I make a choice of what to put in my mouth or where to direct my steps. And I do hope my journey helps you in some way, whether your path is the same as mine or not.

22 comments:

RLibby said...

Pouring water OVER the ice cream ... that is SERIOUS determination!

Seren_Sighs said...

I've definitely thrown out food and done stuff so that I won't eat it. I completely understand.

If you lost the weight and stuck with a really healthy diet then you would probably see a lot of healing occur in your body. Unfortunately it would probably take a lot of effort and time.

Have you ever considered yoga? I read an article about a study recently that said sufferers of athritis and knee pain benefitted from yoga. There are lots of modifications and different things for knees. Also, yoga really tunes you into your body so people who practice yoga eat more mindfully and are better able to avoid food when they don't need it. It would be hard to fit in right now but perhaps one day it would be an option for you.

Karen in Tennessee said...

Lyn, you always inspire me!! Thank you for always being here with a blog entry which always feels like it was written directly to me!!! I have many of the same symptoms as your daughter...and I have been dealing with this for 3 weeks. I sure hope she feels better sooner than I have!

Seth said...

I hope she gets to feeling better!

Jess said...

Just a lurker wishing you all the best, and hoping your daughter feels better soon-- my kiddo (who's about the same age) has the same thing, I think, and all we can do is Advil, juice, Finding Nemo and lots of bathtime. This too shall pass!

RedHead said...

The biggest thing is that example you're setting for your daughter...just as much as your family was an example for you. My mother is morbedly obese. It pushes me to set a better example for my children because of the patterns and behaviors that were instilled in me. I wish she would change. I wish she would have changed a long time ago. So you're taking the best steps for your child.

MargieAnne said...

Well! What a huge response and reaction to a simple question. You certainly know how to stimulate us and make us think. Many thanks *smile*.

I do so hope your precious daughter is soon well. Meantime enjoy spending time comforting and cuddling. We all know these days pass so quickly even if they drag and are sometimes difficult to get through. Hope you get some sleep too.

Jennifer said...

My mom died of cancer. My fight with weight stopped when I read Eat to Live. I wanted to stop the fear of getting sick and that in turn helped my lose weight. I recommend reading it just for the health of it.

antgirl said...

I quit making this about weight loss and focus on 'health'. It makes a difference in my attitude, which is where we win or lose really.

You're doing great. Each step takes you closer. I see eating well as my reward, as my treat. Because the quality of my life is so much better. That's the indulgence. That helped me a lot.

Leslie said...

I hope all those things for you, and for me. And as for hoping your journey helps us/me...fulfilled in spades. You help me every day Lyn. Keep the faith, friend!

karen@fitnessjourney said...

I give you so much credit for not getting those hot dogs. Too often we feel like we are depriving our kids when we don't buy them the junk food they want. You are saving them from a lot of future pain by teaching them good habits and modeling healthy behaviors. Applause all around!

CJ said...

Dieting I think is all in the head. Determination is all that requires. I am glad you are looking positively :).

And as we all know even 5% reduction of weight will reduce the risk of heart attacks and other weight related risks. Way to go.

Steelers6 said...

"And I do hope my journey helps you in some way, whether your path is the same as mine or not."

Yes, yes, yes!! It does!! Your journey helps me SO MUCH you may never really be able to comprehend that. That might even seem kinda weird ish. But really, I gain encouragement from your posts. [& ideas, & recipes..smile.] Truly. And I check your posts often. My journey is a slow one, but I am getting there, and over here on my coast I could feel a little alone in my WL efforts if it wasn't for your blog and a few others.

You are so on the right path, girlfriend. Keep it going, keep up the good work, and thank you for being my friend. =) Chrissy

mommygonemilf said...

I think it is a journey and we pick up tools along the way and learn as we go. I liked some weight watchers tools: goal setting at only 5% of my body weight made me feel less overwhelmed (and the reward even when I am 38 a gold star matters). I like dailyburn.com: to get an idea of balance (too many carbs vs. fat) challenges and rewards (stars and graphs), and to track excercise, weight, calories. I love glutenfreegoddess.blogspot for gluten free inspiration. Your blog is a great inspiration and support! All those tools work for me. Even telling your "brat" no is a new tool you are trying. You are making great progress on your journey! You ARE doing it! So sorry your baby is sick :(

lauralei said...

that is the best way - to try to just make sensible choices - my problem is that i tend to look into every new fad - i love to read about those things :)

Hanlie said...

I did the same with frozen yogurt, bought in a moment of insanity, this week! It all matters!

Tammy said...

Good Lord Lyn, you worried me to death with that question about surgery! I'm glad you're not considering it.

As far as meal replacements go, I've said from Day One on my blog that I don't think diets fail...I think people do.

I think almost anything out there will work if you actually do it and keep the self-discipline it takes to make any of these plans a success.

If this is something you're interested in to jump start things a little further down the scale, I don't see a thing in the world wrong with it. I will say that I'll be surprised if you actually enjoy it, after reading your blog since last June, only because I know how much you like variety. I think you might get a little bored, but that's not to say you can't do it if you put your mind to it. I say give it a shot and let us know what you think. :)

MB said...

I hope your daughter has a speedy recovery.

Your journey has already helped me and so many others. I hope you are rewarded handsomely for your determination to get healthy.

MsMagnetism said...

I'm sorry your daughter is sick. I hope she gets better soon and it doesn't get any worse. I hate when there is nothing you or the doctor can do besides let it run it's course and hope for the best.

I understand wanting to lose weight and get healthy to try to avoid the health problems that run in your family. I'm doing the same thing since high blood pressure, high cholesterol, diabetes, heart disease and PAD (peripheral artery disease) run in my family.

Congrats on your achievements with not getting the hot dogs and for getting rid of the ice cream and not giving in..Keep up the great work.

Anonymous said...

Your post put things in perspective for me. I was having an anxious afternoon. By reading your post, I see that others have problems too and are dealing with them. I want a healthy, mobile old age and of course I don't want heart disease or cancer. I feel that making those right choices will bring me to my goal.

Anonymous said...

Lyn, I know very few women who have lost significant amounts of weight and have then gone on to maintain their weight loss for years and years. BUT... You remind me so much (and so often) of those I know who HAVE succeeded in the long run. You are learning and practicing the skills, right now, that you will need to have in order to maintain your weight loss. It's okay to work at your own pace, to go exactly at the speed that will teach you what you need to know for the rest of your life. I lost over 100 lbs three different effing times before I finally realized that it was more important to focus on what I was learning along the way than on the numbers or on the length of the process. Kiddo, you are learning important skills everyday. Keep trusting your process...it's the best way to remember your way during the journey. Hugs to you and your sweet family!

Angie said...

Hi Lyn! I'm new to your blog but have enjoyed reading through your earlier posts. I'm 40 and am working on losing 100 pounds this year. I'm also using my blog to help keep me accountable (www.isladeangela.wordpress.com). I L*O*V*E your "So What?" attitude! I read something similar in Oprah's magazine not too long ago and thought it was a powerful statement/question. I've added you to my blog roll and will be following your progress! ~ Angie