Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Real Weight

I gained nine pounds this week.

Whenever I say I gained x pounds in y time, people invariably tell me it is impossible, it is not "real weight." Well, save it, because honestly it IS real, I cannot button my pants, I have an extra roll around my middle that has swollen up where there was none before. It is REAL because last week my weight was 225 and today it is 234. I am not holding my cat or using a faulty scale, so it is real. Is it 100% fat? Of course not. It never is. The 60 pounds I lost before was not 100% fat, either, but that weight was real. If you don't believe me, ask my knees. Ask my feet. A pound is a pound is a pound on my joints and bones and body, and I "it isn't real"-ed myself all the way from 145 pounds to 278 pounds. I don't have my head in the sand anymore. Whether that nine pounds is partly water bloat, partly extra food in my gut, partly expanded fat cells... I don't care. It is nine pounds on my body, on my joints, that I am walking around carrying. It could be made of chicken beaks for all I care... it is real to me, and I want it back off.

What happened? I was lazy with my eating. I started grazing. I ate sweets. I didn't move much due to the foot injury. I said yes to the inner brat too often (hot dogs for dinner, bad idea). I stopped counting calories. I basically took a week off (not on purpose) from not only healthy eating but also common sense with my food.

What's happening now? I am getting off my butt and doing something about it before it gets out of hand. It would be nothing for me to be 245 pounds by the end of the month. Since that is not what I want, I have to get back to work.

Yesterday I did manage to get out and take a walk to the park with my child, and my foot was okay with that. So maybe the worst is over with my injury. It was nice to get some sunshine and activity in for about an hour. I also biked last night. I made it 17 minutes before my foot said "enough." It's a start. I'll do it again tonight.

While I don't like the gain, I do like where I am right now. It's not crazy like it used to be, where I'd eat healthy, lose weight, then flip out and gain, then lose... like a pendulum, but always ending up higher than I started. My emotions used to get SO tense and hard to deal with. When the scale was down I was ecstatic. When it was up I was in a panic. That's probably why I couldn't "diet" for any length of time: the emotional roller coaster was just too much and I'd end up quitting and soothing myself with food. Nowadays, it's all life. I do go up and down, usually within a ten pound span every month. But I don't feel anxious and panicky about that. I just say, "well, I was morbidly obese for a decade. I'm not anymore. This is life, I am heading in the right direction overall. I am okay." And I just get back to business, the goal being to end every month lighter than I started it. I've done that for the past 3 months and I'll do it again this month. There's no going back now. I am not that person anymore.

There's a great day ahead. Let's make the most of it!

28 comments:

theresa said...

do you think the bike pedal might be part of the foot problem? Just thinking abput how sore my feet get from cycling. You're doing it daily so that might be a factor. Hang in there. :)

Lyn said...

theresa~

possibly. The pain is worst when there is pressure on the ball of my foot. I was biking in just socks so I think it was too much pressure. Now I am using good shoes and padded socks. If you have any other suggestions I would love to hear them... I wish there was some kind of padded bike pedal I could put on my bike.

susie said...

I know it's real-I'm the same way. I can work and struggle to lose 5 pounds just to gain 6 over a weekend. Here's to better days.

The Brown Recluse said...

"This is life, I am heading in the right direction overall. I am okay."
This says it all.
~M

Diana said...

Lyn - I've been reading your blog for a very long time. We're a lot alike in so many ways. I've also gained nine pounds in a week. I know it's totally possible. I also know how much an additional nine pounds can hurt the feet and the joints.

I want you to get your hands on a book, "The end of overeating". I've read just about every book out there on weight loss. This one is different. You can't just read it, but you have to do study it and do the stuff they suggest. A lot of cognitive behavioral therapy but it really works. I feel like it's changed my life and I can't say that about very many things.

I'm glad you're not in a panic over the gain. I used to do that too, and sometimes still do, just not to the extent I did before.

Take care.

singingforasmallerme said...

It's easy for people to say it isn't real weight because, unfortunately, we want to believe it. Our bodies are used to maintaining a higher weight and, as such, more prone to gaining that weight back when we aren't as observant of our eating habits. And, for me who isn't great at regulating food intake without tracking, my eating habits are horrible when I don't write down every bite.

Here's to a quick recovery.

Tony the Pink Panda said...

The most I've gained is about 5 pounds in a short amount of time, but it usually comes off pretty quickly. Water retention + food weight usually does it.

Eat To Live said...

You have a great attitude and a solid grasp on your sitution and what you have to do. You can't do much better than that. Like you said and the end of the month you will have lost eight. stay focused.

ETL

seattlerunnergirl said...

Lyn, I can *hear* the difference in you from even six months ago until now. Six months ago, this might have been the gain that triggered a binging period that lasted who knows how long. Now, it is what it is, and you know what to do to address the problem.

I am so with you in that, whether it's composed of water, fat, or chicken beaks, weight is weight. We don't say, "It's not *real* weight" when someone loses 9 pounds; why do we delude ourselves that way when it's a gain?

Hang in there and I'm so glad your foot is on the mend!

KatDoesDiets said...

GREAT attitude.
I injured my hip from over-exercise (stupid,I know,lol) and I did punches a lot, like sink down a little and do various punch moves, got my heart rate up and tends to be easy on the lower body. Not sure if that would help with a foot issue because you'd still be standing on it.

Tina said...

Way to go Lyn. Hope this is the end of your foot pain!!

Kim said...

Perhaps you could get some sticky velcro from Wal-mart and a couple of cheap sponges and making padding for your bicycle pedals. Also, that way you can take the padding off whenever you want...I dunno...just an idea.

ctina said...

You know this already, but I'm saying it anyhow. When you can't exercise, diet is Everything. You have to track to stay on track.

Anonymous said...

Your positivity is effin' amazing!

By the way, I also have to second the previous suggestion to get a copy of the End of Overeating. It's the first book that really brings together the many factors that contribute to overeating... from changes to the food and culture/lifestyle, to the science of behavior (and behavior change). My graduate advisor was consulted for the book and quoted in the section on extinction of conditioned associations, so it was kind of required reading for our lab (ha!) but definitely worth it.

Leslie said...

I hear you, Lyn. I had a stupid binge last night that I wrote about earlier today. Makes me crazy. I'm still nursing my knee, which is better, but far from where it was pre-surgery. ARGH! Why is this so freaking hard?

Your honesty is great, and I have NO doubt you'll drop those pounds quickly and be back eating the way you desire to eat.

Ms. PJ Geek said...

just wanting to put in a vote of support..everyone else said it all...it's just hard to admit to yourself and the world that it happened, but that has gotta be part of the recovery

Me said...

Oh yeah, the emotional rollercoaster! That's why it took me 29 years to buy a scale! I knew the scale would only fuel depression and frustration.
That's why I now only weigh myself once a month.
But, like you, I am stable with my emotions now. I can deal with the scale better and get on with what I'm doing.
Good luck with your foot, don't over do it!

Thrice Blessed said...

I like your attitude, and yes it IS real. Funny how people often want to say its real when you lose 5 pounds in a few days, but if you gain the same amount in that time its "not real, its just water". In both cases a lot of it is water, and since the water seems to always have to come off before the fat gets moving, the water is a very real part of weight loss, or weight gain.

Seren_Sighs said...

Nine pounds is definitely a lot to gain in a week. Do you worry about gains like this when you hit maintenance? People often let up some when they hit maintenance and gain a few pounds in a week, but being mindless for a week normally doesn't lead to a nine pound gain.

What do you think you'll do to prevent something like that in the future?

You've definitely come a long way over the past couple months and, besides your foot injury, you seem much happier and healthier.

Could you cover the pedal with something? Like styrofoam or something?

Run, Heat, Run said...

No doubt that you'll see those 9 pounds disappear in no time! :)

spunkysuzi said...

At only 5' 0" if i binge i can "gain" 5lbs overnight!
Whatever you do go easy on that foot when getting back into exercising!!

Jack Sh*t, Gettin' Fit said...

"I'm not that person anymore."

And that's why I'm pretty sure you'll get over this road block, Lyn.

I'm currently reading The End of Overeating and it's a pretty fascinating look at how fat, sugar and salt create addictions for us (and how food companies and restaurants work that to their advantage). Very interesting reading...

Nicole said...

Aww, Lyn. Dust yourself off girl and you'll be fine! Tomorrow is a new day!

I can sympathize w/your foot paint as I struggled with foot problems for YEARS. You can read about it and my journey to lose 130 lbs (lost 87 in the last 6 months!) on my blog. Come on over! :)

jenn said...

Love your attitude on this. And you're right, weight is weight. But you sound like you'll get past this no problem. Good luck.

(It amazes me how quickly I can add weight back that I had to fight so hard to lose.)

Anonymous said...

Your attitude is admirable and realistic.
You KNOW yourself, and that is the key to self-mastery.
One step backward and two steps forward- that is how life goes.

You are fabulous.

Paula

Linda Kay said...

Hey Lyn,

Thank you for this great blog. I got a strong feeling when I read today's blog that your foot wants you to take it easier. You can still move, and have fun-I just believe that we all need to listen to our bodies and respect what they tell us. Pain means to stop. I have a foot problem too and can no longer walk as long as I'd like. When I feel pain, I stop or switch to something else. Pain isn't fun, and moving should be! Thanks again for your blog.

Anonymous said...

I bet you'll jump on that scale and be at least a pound lighter tomorrow. You know what it takes to get to your goal and you're assessing the situation now before, like you said, it gets out of control.

I know this was a serious post but I laughed so hard at "I am not holding my cat" only because 1) my cat is larger than 9 pounds and 2) I know this because I weigh my cat once a week. (Hey, he has to maintain his weight just like his owner :D)

You will prevail, Lyn!

Tammy said...

Sorry about the gain Lyn. I'm pretty sure I gained some this week, too. I'll know for sure when I weigh-in tmrw morning. And in case you missed it, I posted pics of my bat wings last night. I bet mine are worse than yours. :)