Saturday, January 30, 2010

Life

Well, I look back over January and I think, weight-loss wise, it was a bit of a wash. Not horrible, not great. Actually, ok, the first 2 weeks were distressing. I was *so* geared up to be active and excited to start walking and biking more, and then my foot was wrecked and I couldn't. I let it get to me, I gained some weight. And by the time I got my head back on straight and started exercising again, I had let a few bad habits back in.

Now, I look over the last week or two and this is what I see: in general, two good, solid, healthy meals per day, and then at dinner I overeat. I also let nighttime snacking become a habit again. I used to brush my teeth and floss right after dinner, and then I was done eating for the night. If I was truly hungry I'd have a few almonds or a cup of tea, but that was it. Now? I've been regularly having evening snacks... usually, nuts (too many) or a bowl (or bowls) of cereal. Exercise? Yes, some. Not much.

I am okay with it. I know some folks read weight loss blogs to watch people shrink regularly, quickly, month by month. They like to see the transformation. I guess that's why "before and after" pictures are so popular: you get to see this huge, incredible change right before your eyes. And I like my before and afters. But even though my month-to-month photographs over the past few months might not show a big difference, there is a transformation going on here nonetheless. A metamorphosis of my own, that only the keen eye can see.

My life is about so much. It's about my five children, whom I love so dearly. It's about the daily grind, the mountains of laundry, the casseroles. There's the joy of walking the dog and the sadness of going to bed alone. The memories of the past and hopes for the future. I treasure my life, each minute. I have learned to live in the moment and not let the days slip by without notice. And my life is also about learning to take better care of *me.* I'm not really sure where my weight loss is headed over the short term... but right now, I am okay with that, too. My life is finally headed in the right direction, whether the scale reflects that or not.

27 comments:

Chibi Jeebs said...

"My life is finally headed in the right direction, whether the scale reflects that or not."

I think that's the best thing I've read in a long time. Good for you. :)

Damjana said...

It still seems you're a bit disappointed. But after you compared what you did to lose weight you see it's all realistic. When your leg is injured, do pushups or stretching exercises, or cycling with arms on fitness machine..there's always a solution.
More luck in February (weight-wise), lots of love!!

Blubeari said...

I don't comment much, but I have to say that whether or not you lose weight I can always very much relate. The struggle is what so many of us are going through, and we applaud when things go well and SO understand the setbacks. :-)

Semiramis said...

Actually I read weightloss blogs for thoughts and insights about how we deal with changing our bodies and our minds, and yours continue to provide insights and inspiration.

Anonymous said...

"Life is about painting a picture, not doing a sum." Oliver Wendall Holmes

Anonymous said...

Your post is a beautifully written reflection on your life, and that's why I read your blog. Love it! Keep up the smart, mature work.

Lawgirl said...

Amen to that.

BlueRaspberry said...

Lyn, what you say hits the nail on the head. Life is about more than the numbers on the scale. If that was what it was about it would be a sad existence thats for sure.

Someone once asked me, when I was wailing and blubbing about not being able to stop doing what I was doing, when despite and in spite of all I knew, I found myself with my face back in the fridge. 'Why do you think you overeat?' and I answered 'I overeat because I overeat'. Its probably not the real answer -- is there one? but when I am 'doing my stuff' it is the thing that keeps me doing it. The way I beat myself up because of what I am doing, and the pain I feel, its then that I resort to what I know best. When despite what I know - I cant find the answer, or have the energy to seek it, despite all my successes or failures, I cant do it right now, that is when I need to go back to basics, and start doing it by the book...not because thats the best way, but because it is giving a little control to someone else (the food police) when I dont seem to be able to control myself. Once back on firmer footing, I can resume taking back the keys. Just what helps me...take what you want and leave the rest.

BR.

Run, Heat, Run said...

Awesome. :)

Kyle Gershman said...

No doubt that a balance needs to be achieved. A thin miserable person is likely not as fit as a well adjusted person getting thinner.

kelly said...

Fantastic! Sounds like you are in a really good place right now. Good for you...!

JewliaGoulia said...

I agree with Kyle and Chibi.

:)

Julia
http://jewliagoulia.blogspot.com

Anonymous said...

You know, I give you a lot of credit for continuing to post even when things aren't going 100% the way you want them to. I have started a weight-loss blog about 10 times. And it's great going when I'm eating well and working out. But the minute things get tough, the blog is impossible to write. And I take a "hiatus." Life is about ups and downs and acknowledging the good with the bad. We all hope for more good than bad, and accepting the reality that there is some bad is part of the growing up process, I suppose. I think you're doing a great service to us all. Being REAL about weight loss. Acknowledging that it is a difficult thing that, for many of us, requires an extremely high level of mental focus and commitment. There are missteps, but that's okay. I still think you are awesome. And your mental transformation has been remarkable.

livefrom161 said...

You are so doing this the right way if not the "perfect" way. Who believes in perfection anyways? I know I don't.

You have a full, round life and your weight loss is only part of it, yet I know how easy it is to lose sight of everything else. I am on my own journey to be healthier but I am also in the midst of a separation...right now the separation is sucking the life out of me, but I try really hard to at least notice all the other good in my world, and doing this REALLY helps.

I see you doing that in this post.

Hooray for you, I am really proud of you!

Two Fat Girls Take Umbrage said...

I am a new follower of your blog (new to blogging in general) and really enjoy reading your thoughts. Keeping everything out in front where you can see it is critical to changing lifelong patterns. You can do it.

Megan said...

I, too, have trouble with snacking at night. I think weight loss is mostly about being gentle with yourself because no journey is perfect. For myself, I have been losing weight really slowly, which has been disheartening for me enough to possibly give up all together. But what keeps me going is the Weight Watchers meetings I attend every week. Basically, any support I receive from like-minded/bodied people keeps me on track. Best Wishes on your journey ahead!

MsMagnetism said...

((((Lyn))))

Whether or not you lose weight people love your blog, including me. Whether or not your losing weight, we can relate. I think even more so when your not losing, we can relate!

So many of us slip and binge here and there, we gain or maintain but we don't really want to share that. Even though others can relate it's not something we want out there about ourselves. Maybe we're scared, maybe we're embarrassed. Who knows?

You don't hold it back..you post no matter if your day went good or bad. If your weigh in was a loss or a gain. You share it with us and we can relate. You are on to something, you are figuring yourself out as you go and that's a wonderful thing that most people don't take the time to do and why so many people end up gaining the weight back.

If you push through without exploring all the things that make you who you are..Without figuring out why you got where you are. Without learning why you stayed that way so long. If your ready for what lays ahead or ready to put the past in the past. So many things past, present and future to think about and your doing that.

So..it leads to a slower weight loss but that isn't what matters in the long run!

Eat To Live said...

so glad you are feeling good about your life. stay on the track. we're all pulling for you!

ETL
http://eattolive2010.blogspot.com/

Autumnforest said...

You know, in any given life we focus on one thing at a time. We might be working on our physical, our mental, our spiritual or our emotional. One time when hubby was complaining about the weight gain I had in the past 9 years, I reminded him that in that time, I managed to lose 10 family members, raise an amazing son who is highly well adjusted and successful, furthered my career, started a blog, got published as an author, got my spiritual life in order, got my mental state in order, got my emotional state in order, and grew in a thousand ways. I hadn't focused on my physical, but everything else I succeeded greatly in--why wasn't he complimenting those areas of my life that I was focused on? I find your blog refreshing because you show that priorities get stacked in the queue way above ourselves. It's always someone else first. When my son moved out recently and I had an empty nest, I realized that for some crazy reason I was actually ready to lose the weight because I felt like he needed me even more now that he was trying to make it on his own and he and his girlfriend would no doubt get married and have kids and there'd be a generation of little ones wanting me to crawl in their blanket forts and race through sprinklers with them. I had to be body ready so I never have to depend on my son for a home and care when I'm elderly and never miss a grandkid's graduation because I used a walker. I'm finally ready to focus on the physical. Through your life, you'll sift through many priorities but eventually the physical one will get to the front of the queue. For most folks it's when they reach the age their parents deteriorated or perhaps when the doctor says "you might need BP meds." Give yourself credit for the areas you have been focusing on; job, kids, family, friends. If you put physical at the top of the queue, you'll have to accept that some areas you won't be growing in like spiritual or perhaps career or be a less interactive mom and allow the kids more independence...it's always tradeoffs. You are exactly where we all are, overtaxed, overstressed, overwhelmed, and still have this one last thing we have to do at the end of the day's list of chores--loose weight. It never ends. It's really all about juggling.

Anonymous said...

Great post Lyn...and your blog is readable because you come across as being human...aware and realistic. It reassures me to know that there are others out there doing their best, conscious of having to lose weight but struggling and juggling all the same.

Autumn forest wrote: 'You are exactly where we all are, overtaxed, overstressed, overwhelmed, and still have this one last thing we have to do at the end of the day's list of chores--loose weight. It never ends.'

Amen to that! I had a good day food-wise yesterday, an excellent day in fact. I ate so much spinach I am surprised I didn't turn green!) but blew it, in the early hours of the morning of all times...when I should have been in bed!! (I stayed up late watching a film and was pottering in the kitchen and talking to the cat when son came home.) He came in late with a box full of fast food and I dipped into it like a woman who'd been starving! Oh it smelt and tasted so good but my lack of self discipline disappointed and shamed me.

Most of us have full and busy lives and sometimes our determination and self-control slips. We aren't giving up though...we are living round the blips and getting back on the weight-loss saddle the next day. I am trying to do the healthy thing more often than I do the unhealthy thing...and for now, that's good enough for me.

You have done so well Lyn and as always your writing has me nodding along in agreement.

Dbdee x

Julie Lost and Found said...

You are doing fantastic!

I love reading your blog and I too read blogs for thoughts ...not the before and after pictures.

I'm right there with you struggling with the nighttime snacking.

It seems to be a common thing with many: doing really well with eating until dinner and then after dinner.

For me, I can do well with breakfast and lunch..it's just me. Then the afternoon hurricane begins...getting the kids from school, activities, homework, in my case making two different meals. Then I'm lonely in the evening. My husband sits right next to me in the living room, but I'm still lonely. And I snack.

Thanks for your honesty and transparency!

Tammy said...

I totally get you...I have from Day One of following your blog...and yes, the overall view is that you're improving on "Lyn"...and that's so much more important than the photos.

emily @ helpemilylose.blogspot.com said...

Hang in there Lyn. I think you are doing great. Some people just do not understand how difficult it is for a mom of 5 to lose weight. But I do since I have 5 kids of my own. Some days are good, some are bad. I guess some months are good and some are bad. As long as you are moving in the right direction that is all you can really do sometimes. HUGS from one chubby mama to another:)

Wencked said...

Standing {{O}}...;)

What a great post and a great way to view things.

All Women Stalker said...

Sometimes, there are some things in life that matter more than what size dress we wear or what we had for dinner, etc. I love how you're keeping things real and honest. Good luck!

Shelby said...

I just found your blog and as soon as I read these lines "I treasure my life, each minute. I have learned to live in the moment and not let the days slip by without notice. " I knew I had to subscribe. Looking forward to sharing in your life's adventures.

happyfunpants said...

I used to think that writing things like what you did meant that it was a cop-out.

Then again, I used to think that my worth depended on the numbers on the scale.

Now I'm realizing, like you, that realizing that my life is MORE than just the numbers, means that I'm enjoying it more...which makes it easier to make better choices in the future.

It's a mind game, this being healthier thing.

Sometimes I feel pressure to want to lose weight because I know that people are perhaps looking to me as an example or for some motivation. Sometimes I feel like I'm letting them down.

But around then is when I realize tha this is MY journey. And I'll get there when I get there - but to beat myself up in the process is silly.

I am SO thankful that I found your blog and that you have a healthy mindset. I'm glad that I have another person who knows that sometimes life gets in the way. Is it an excuse? No. But it is life and if that means that we lose it slower (but for good) then so be it.

You are doing great and I find you absolutely wonderful.