Monday, October 26, 2009

tears

I had a good day. I decided to bike. I hopped on late, feeling quite content and proud of myself. Six minutes into my ride, the phone rang. My best friend was diagnosed with kidney failure. Congestive heart failure. He is downplaying it but is also training someone to take his job.

I feel like I cannot breathe. This friend of mine has loved me for almost 12 years, unconditionally, has been the one who is always there to give me support and tell me I am good and strong and intelligent and beautiful. I feel like I am almost having a panic attack. The tears are filling up my soul and I feel like screaming. In fact if I could run, I would go out into the darkness and run and run and run until I couldn't run anymore.

He HAS to be okay. I need him in my life. He is going to live. He IS going to live...

23 comments:

Autumnforest said...

These are treatable conditions. Try and not let your mind run ahead of what you know now. He will probably have to lay back for a while and slow down his pace, but there are good options out there for him. I always try to take such news in bits. Try not to put him in the grave yet. Think not of what your life would be like without him, but think of what his life is like because you're in it. Be there for him. Be his pillar. He will worry and fret too, but each day you will both learn more about his condition and treatment. Each day brings you closer together too because these personal trials do that. I'm glad you have someone like him in your life that's there unconditionally. One thing I learned when I lost my dad at 16 was to let other people fill in the roles he once had in my life. I try not to put all my "eggs" in one basket any longer and I have people who provide the same sort of needs at the same time. To lose someone who is everything is something I never want to do again. Learn to do the things he does for you, for yourself. I learned to be my best cheerleader and get myself involved in all my interests and hobbies, the things my father used to do for me. He is extremely lucky to have someone who adores him so much. Keep us posted on his progress .

Candace said...

He will be fine, hold your head up and be strong, for him as well as yourself.

MB said...

I'm so sorry to hear about your friend's diagnosis. I'll be sure to keep him (and you) in my prayers. Now it is your turn to love him unconditionally, give support and tell him he is good and strong and intelligent and beautiful just like you. Keep the faith.

~*~ Beckie-Lynn ~*~ said...

I, too, had bad news today. I'm so sorry for your pain. I am praying for you and your friend... be strong and support him when he needs you most. Hang in there and cherish even more the time you have together!

Hanlie said...

Oh Lyn! I am so sorry. I'm sure he'll be okay though. Breathe.

Scale Junkie said...

{{hugs}} I'm so sorry your friend is so ill, I'm sending good thoughts to both of you. He is so lucky to have a friend like you, I'm sure he will appreciate your support through all of this.

elife said...

((hugs)) I'm so sorry you got such news. I'm praying he gets well.

Diana said...

I'm so sorry to hear your friend is sick Lyn. I'm sure he'll be ok though.

oshea12566 said...

Hang in there, kid.

moonduster said...

I am so sorry to hear that your friend is so sick. Reading your post brought tears to my eyes because the emotion you're feeling just screams from the words. (((hug))) I will send healing thoughts his way.

South Beach Steve said...

Lyn, I am so sorry to read this. I hope your friend has a full recovery. Nevertheless, this reminds us to make the most of every moment.

Anonymous said...

Yes, this is so hard. For your friend,be the very best you can be. My prayers are with you both. Don't let this derail you. Your friend will want to see you succeed. So give him the BEST that you have,a healthy friend!

ctina said...

Hi Lyn -- I agree, do not put him in the grave yet. I know right now the prospect of losing him seems impossible to bear, but you are much stronger than you realize. Should the worst happen, YOU CAN go on.

It won't be the same, and you will miss him, but there are other people (I can think of three or four) in your life who love you unconditionally as well. Take Autumnforest's advice and prepare yourself, and be there for your friend right now, who I'm sure needs YOU more than ever.

Georgia Mist said...

These ARE treatable, and often curable conditions! Kidney failure can be managed with dialysis or transplant. (Or removal of the kidney, if it's just one that failed).
CHF can be reversed when the outlying cause has been discovered and treated.
I'll pray for your friend and you!

Leslie said...

Other commenters have already said it...these are treatable conditions and there is every reason for optimism and hope. In the meantime, the very best things you can do are to pray and send positive energy his way, AND take care of yourself. You'll be the best able to support him through his journey if you are strong and sticking to your own. Keep us posted - we care!

Christina S. said...

You and your friend will be in my thoughts.

allthingsjuice said...

Sending good thoughts your way.

spunkysuzi said...

"hugs" I'm sure he will get the best care and will need you to be there to help! There are so many options these days and i'm sure he will be o.k.

Amelia said...

That sounds really scary. :o( I am glad that you are reaching out for support here, and I hope that you have some others who can be there for you through this. Also, the worst possible outcome may not be the one that happens! With the right medical care, your friend could turn out to be all right and live for a long time. No matter what happens, you are going to be strong enough to get through it. I've been reading your blog! You are an amazing person with a tremendous amount of courage.

Hugs,
Ami

thegardenweigh said...

Breathe... do something relaxing.

Your friend will need you to be the best YOU you can be. And fear over what may (or may NOT) happen will not help either of you.

Hang in there. We are human, we are mortal. Every minute with our loved ones is precious. Enjoy the living with your friend. When each of us stops is not something we control.

Believe me, I learned that one. My father had a malignant brain tumor and we knew he would, eventually die. That was tough. What we didn't know was that my mother would unexpectedly die first. Nothing can be counted on but the moment you are living now. Make it a good one.

Heather said...

I am so sorry to hear about your friend! Have hope and courage for your friend, and be there for him as he has been there for you. Enjoy the time you have together and let him know just how important he is to you. when its all said and done, those are the moments that you remember.

Fattie Fatterton said...

Thoughts going out to you and to him.

Hopeful said...

You and your friend are in my prayers. Seems like the need to pray is really going around these days...