A Look into the Mind of a Troll

It's no secret that there are some really awful people out there in the world... people who seem to thrive on hurting others. If you've been blogging for long, you may have been the target of such nastiness, usually in the form of "Anonymous" comments left on your blog berating you, criticising you, calling you names or just being generally insulting. I think this happens more often on blogs with a wide readership, but I've had blog-friends who I know have been upset and even cried over this type of comments. I wonder what makes a person so mean. Don't you?

I am pretty sure that these "Trolls," as they are commonly called, have pretty crappy lives and low self esteem. Like the bully on the playground, they're trying to build themselves up by tearing others down. But the thing about Internet trolls is that they are not only mean-spirited, but they are cowards. They feel powerful because they can hide behind a fake name or an "Anonymous" comment and take stabs at people, then wait and watch for the tearful reaction. I think they chuckle with glee when someone posts a response and they know they have hit their target and caused a stranger emotional pain. It's a pretty sick scenario, by all counts.

What to do when you receive these kinds of hurtful comments? I've been asked this by several people. I think the answer is to realize that they are generally made by a sad person hiding behind their monitor with an unfulfilling life. They're probably jealous of you for some reason: your blog, your writing, your supporters, your weight loss. They probably are hurting and lashing out because they don't want to be alone in their misery. So, just delete the comments. Don't give them a second thought. Don't let them get to you. If someone really had something constructive to say, and if they cared about you or had a valid point, they'd express it in a more forthcoming manner, right? They'd email you if it was a personal issue, or they'd at least post their comment with their name or blog link listed. And they'd say it with some compassion. When a comment is flat out rude, harsh, or seems like an attack, that's probably because it was meant to be. They wanted to hurt your feelings. Don't give them the pleasure. Just delete.

But what if someone leaves you comments repeatedly? What if you got not one or two, but ten, twenty, thirty comments from the same person... all hateful, nasty, provocative comments? What if this went on not for days or weeks, but months, or even a year? What do you do then?

How would you feel if every week.... sometimes several times a week or even several times a DAY... you got harshy phrased comments telling you what a pathetic failure you are, making fun of your food choices, telling you that you need a wake up call and will never lose weight without therapy, criticizing every choice you make, telling you you'll stay fat unless you join Weight Watchers, insulting you, saying you are full of excuses and don't really want to lose weight, telling you you're in denial and nothing you are doing will ever work, saying they are annoyed and disgusted by you? Yeah, it gets old. If you knew all of these comments were coming from the same nasty person... and it was someone who was posing as a friend via email? If you found out that someone who claimed to be your friend was the one trolling your blog, what would you do then?

Well, I'll tell you what *I* am choosing to do. I am going to call them out.

Cathleen, I have had enough of your hateful, nasty, vindictive comments. Yes, I know who you are... your full name (which, because I am a decent sort, I am not disclosing at this time). I know where you live in BC. I have every IP address you have ever used to troll my blog, *including* your IP at work. Yep, I even saved the logs showing that these hateful comments were sometimes left from your place of employment. I have your work and home email addresses as well as your employer's email. I have a photograph of you as well, but again, being a decent sort, I chose not to post it on my blog.

This person has been commenting on my blog for over a year. She was nice, at first. But then the hostile comments started, signed by a fake name or left anonymously. I wasn't sure who was being so mean, but it became clear when I got my very first email from Cathleen. It was November 2008, and she told me she was very disappointed in me (for not losing weight), said "enough is enough" and told me I had "let her down" and should close down my blog because it was not helping anyone. I had no idea who she was so I just sent a note back asking if we had corresponded before (she signed her name to the emails, and sounded like she felt she "knew" me but I had no idea who she was). She wrote back:

"I would like to apologize for sending what I did, it was mean of me, I am feeling a bit mean today and took it out on you. That you didn't fire back and 'flame' me says a lot about your character. Much better than mine is today, I am afraid...

I wish you well and in future I will keep the nastiness out of my writing."

But sadly, she has not been able to keep that promise. You see, when someone emails you, you have their IP address. It's pretty easy to trace comments left on a blog with a free IP tracer. So when they matched up, I looked a little deeper. I started a trace on all those nasty comments and lo and behold they came from the same town where she lives. One of the IPs even traced to her place of employment (her name is up on their website). And with her email address, name, address, and IP, you can get a lot of information about a person.

She has emailed me several other times, pretending to be a supportive friend, telling me she has so much faith in me and wants me to succeed, and then turning around and leaving a hurtful anonymous comment on my blog with her next breath. And you know what? I have known for MONTHS that it was Cathleen leaving me these hateful, insulting comments, but I just kept deleting them (after tracing the IP and keeping a record). Yet I let it go. I figured she is miserable. I didn't want to cause drama. I did nothing in retaliation. Just kept deleting. Even when my children were sick and I was having surgery for pre-cancerous cervical cells and trying to fix a broken marriage, I deleted her nasty hurtful comments. But you know what? My friend died. I am hurting. I have had enough.

Cathleen, I have logs of your hundreds of visits, your insulting comments, and proof you did such at work. If you do not STOP leaving hate and vitriol all over my blog, I will turn the records over to the authorities. I will contact your employer and give them the records they need to see what you have been up to. I would highly suggest you leave me alone. Now.

I will no longer tolerate abuse from anyone. That includes you.