Friday, August 21, 2009

Just a Day...

Another day goes sailing by, and my eating went south for a bit. I am a bit moody, more on the tired and unmotivated side. This post is going to be just a plain ol' glimpse into a day of mine, boring as it may be.

I got up early and crept out of bed, trying not to wake the sleeping princess beside me. She'd wanted to sleep with me last night, but the resultant kicks to my gut as she apparently ran a marathon in her sleep made me realize that this is probably not good practice.

I hopped on the scale as usual. My scale is generally quite reliable, but the clutter in my bedroom started getting overwhelming, so I've been working on clearing a path and selling things on Craigslist. Yesterday, I moved the scale into the bathroom. Suddenly it was no longer "zeroed" out and I had to adjust it several times. And this morning it weighed me 3 pounds heavier than yesterday! This ticked me off, even though I know it was not really a gain. I had a perfectly on-plan day yesterday and was *expecting* a loss or at least a maintain. Yeah, I know it wasn't real. It still bugged me a little.

I was already nervous because I had scheduled an appointment with a dermatologist to have my numerous spots/moles/freckles checked out. I've been putting it off since I don't have insurance, but with the family history of skin cancer, I knew I had to buck up and get it done. When I scheduled it, they called it a "full body scan." I didn't know what to think of THAT. I hoped they'd put aside enough time for my extra big body to be scanned. I wondered if they were going to try and make me get naked on a table and if the doctor was going to want to check my nether-regions for skin issues, and I firmly decided I would absolutely *not* take all my clothes off. I figured I'd tell the guy, "Look. I just want my arms and legs and my back looked at, okay? Dude, if there is something scary going on anyplace else, I have a GYN who will tell me, okay??"

Still, I figured I better take a shower and shave my legs and pits. Just in case.

So I got up, got myself together and made my kid a mustard sandwich for breakfast (yeah, that's her favorite. Sometimes she puts cocktail sauce on it, too. At least it's whole wheat bread). I ate my healthy breakfast bowl (egg/turkey sausage/potatoes) and wheat toast. I got my teen versed in childcare practices and put him in charge of the 4-year-old, and off I went to my appointment.

I sat in the little room and waited for them to tell me what they were planning to do. They said I could keep my underwear on (gee thanks) and cover with a paper sheet thing. So I did that. It didn't take long for this guy to scan over my five million freckly spots and say I was fine. Really? Well, good, but I wish he'd taken a little more time in his looking. The highlight of the visit was when I was lying on my belly for him to check my back and he said, "Now you can turn back over... carefullyyyyyyyyy.." (with his arms out like he was bracing to catch me when I was sucked off the table by the sheer force of my fat thighs flinging over) and then when I floundered myself upright he said, "hey, you're pretty agile." Uh, yeah. Thanks.

So I was thrilled, no scary spots to be cut off and examined! Yay! I did some shopping. I had a coupon in my purse for a free package of cookie dough. It's been sitting in there awhile so I finally used it. I got myself some Greek yogurt, more fresh mozzarella for caprese stacks, deli turkey, mangoes, bananas, bagged romaine salad, light Caesar dressing, and a grapefruit. Oh and some organic sunflower seed butter, which I had on wheat bread at home for lunch.

After lunch I felt sapped. It's hot here but I think I am just listless because school is starting soon, my kids have a lot of stuff going on, I am recovering from being gone for 3 weeks, and I have a ton of decluttering to do. So I baked the cookies (it was dough for a dozen cookies, so not terribly dangerous) and shared some with the kiddos. I ate 3. I don't feel like bingeing, or eating other junk, or anything. In fact I feel the need to sit and vegetate a bit.

My son who was gone all summer working is coming home next week and I can't wait! I missed him terribly. I don't know what I will do if he decides to move out next year after he graduates. It's just not the same here without him! My husband is also coming for a short visit next week. He'll be around for two weeks and then gone again. Don't ask. I am at peace with it. I think.

I spent the rest of the day sitting around reading blogs, goofing off with my daughter, watching TV. As I was reading blogs I had a thought about activity levels. For me, it's been a real challenge to keep exercise in my daily routine. I have never been a really exercise-y person and it feels like it's just "not me" when I try to do all that stuff, at first. But once I get into a routine it feels *great.* Last summer, I was biking 6 days a week, lifting weights 3 days a week, and walking. And I felt wonderful! I felt strong. It was a new "me" and I liked it. Now, I am forcing myself to do some Wii Fit or take a walk everyday but it just isn't enough. Like I said the other day, gotta work for it.

So, I am going to take this weekend to recharge. I'm going to rest, read, take a nice long bubble bath (something I haven't done in AGES) and write myself a new exercise routine with times and dates on it. And come Monday, I am diving into the exercise head first. I'm going to call around and figure out if there is a gym with a personal trainer and childcare available near me. I need a kick in the butt!


ilovenovember said...

You poor thing! I feel the exact same way when I go to the dermatologist!!! I better not have to strip!
Enjoy your luxurious weekend!

Anonymous said...

honestly , you sound like you've been struggling for some time now, take the weekend and do what you want. don't go crazy but maybe you just need to sit and "chillax" and eat a brownie and don't feel the need to say..."sorry" to everyone.
have fun...go eat a darn ice cream with your kids...Monday will be here soon enough..
good luck! :)

Diane, Fit to the Finish said...

I hate all doctors. Not personally, but I hate going to them.

I'll bet some of the stress was from worry over the visit. Now you can relax over that part.

Don't give up on your plan. Just enjoy your weekend!

Deb said...

I've had that same full body scan only my derm checked everything. And when I say everything, I mean EVERYTHING.

I haven't been back since. I was about 195 when I did that. Would be too mortified to do it now. Bad, I know.

Lisa said...

I put off visits like that because we don't have the $...

Steelers6 said...

I'm impressed by the part where you mention eating 3 cookies and particularly noteable is the fact that that was fine, no bingeing, or bingeing thoughts, & no feeling of deprivation!! Wonderful!


Karen In Tennessee said...

Once again, Lyn, I think you fail to give yourself sufficient credit for how amazing you do, most importantly never giving up! You are still a work in progress but you are most definitely moving in the right direction and overall you sre a SUCCESS. Take some time for yourself this weekend...and remember to pat yourself on the your back for how great you are doing. Being perfect is not required for you to be successful!!!! I say GO LYN GO!!!

Anonymous said...

You made me laugh out loud with your thigh comment! Kudos to you for seeing a male doctor...I get way too nervous around them. Once I had to have something in my nether regions checked by my female doc but she wasn't sure of what it was so she opened the examining room door and called out to her male colleage to "come take a look and tell me if you think this is herpes"! I was mortified...turned out to be nothing thank god. Great post!

Blue Moon said...

Your comments about the doctor's office touched me. I feel the same way - probably worse. I HATE going to the doctor, and practically have anxiety attacks over whether or not I will have to take off my clothes. I wonder what percent of people who are overweight neglect their medical care because of simulair anxiety issues. I feel humiliated just going in - and for years have said - "once I loose weight I will go to the doctor" ~ How crazy is that? I think doctors should have sensitivity training regarding treating patients with weight or body issues. I feel like every doctor I see is "angry" with me for not taking care of myself. Wow - getting anxious just thinking about it. Just one or two doctors with a smug / snarky attitude of "well you REALLY need to cut down...", etc. has turned me off from ever wanting to go back. I never knew others felt the same way. And even with your visit - they did not seem rude persay, but what's with the "agile" comment.. what like your 80, and should be bed bound ??? whats the deal ? I wonder if there are studies around this issue? I'll have to check into it. I thought it was just me~
Thanks, and.... REALLY glad your back from Vacation!

Tammy said...

Glad you're taking charge on the exercise front again. I missed walking on the treadmill this past Sat and Sun, and boy could I tell a difference. Finally got my big butt down there tonight, and walked 3 miles for the first proud of myself...and it felt so, so good to be back doing what I KNOW I NEED to do! :)