Monday, June 8, 2009

Riding the Wave

Today feels like the beginning of something big. I'm not sure *exactly* why I feel so energized and refreshed, but I have a few hints. No matter the whys, though, I will ride the big wave as long as I can. That's a key to moving along in my journey... sensing the times when there is the momentum to carry me forward, and jumping up there on my surfboard to ride that wave as far as it will take me. I'm sure you know what I mean. Because if you *have* that burst of brightness, hope, and energy and just ignore it and sit around eating chips and watching TV, it makes this kind of journey a *lot* harder.

So up on the wave I go, onto the bike, walking, lifting weights, diving headfirst into the berries and asparagus and salad and salmon. I *love* it when I feel so "on," and I enjoy it. I know something will bring me crashing down off my high eventually... PMS, illness, bad news, circumstance... and then I'll have to really push myself harder to do the work to lose the weight. But right now boy it feels easy! And that's an amazing feeling.

New developments this weekend: my eye infection is awful. I hate it. I wake up with itchy sore eyes, I have a headache a lot, I can't wear my contacts so I am walking around in clunky glasses, and my vision is slightly affected. I am religiously using the drops and hoping a few more days will clear this up. And tomorrow, my husband is leaving again for a month. This was rather sudden but mostly based on a medical crisis his mother is having so he is going to be there with his family for some critical surgery she's going to have. Which gives me 4 weeks of NO sodas in the house, NO tubs of macaroni salad and packages of salami to deal with, NO piles of stuff all over and around my recumbent bike. I have to say (without giving a critique of the relationship) that the more I try to be fit, the more I see that yes, he is very resistant to my weight loss. I didn't really think so before, because in words he is supportive. But when I moved my bike to the living room, within 24 hours it was literally COVERED with stacks and piles of his stuff: papers, books, hats, pens, you name it. I'd just move the piles off it, put them on his recliner and bike anyway, and then the next day the stuff would be back... AND there would be boxes, files, and even a footstool all stacked AROUND my bike like a 2-foot barricade to my riding. It's not like the living room is tiny; there's plenty of room for that stuff in other places. So for me, seeing all this junk on and around my bike repeatedly is absolute proof that he does not support my biking. I don't know why, as he denies it, but as I have said before, that is *his* problem, and as long as he is not physically standing over the bike preventing me from riding, I am very well able to just keep moving the junk and biking anyway. But, as I said, I get 4 weeks FREE of this nonsense, and you can bet I am going to enjoy it!

Summer is almost here and the kids get out of school this week. I can't help but remember last summer and how much fitter I was. I was thinking about that yesterday, as I sat at the park and watched my kids playing. Because of my decreased fitness level and increased weight over last year, I don't have quite as much stamina and joy in life. I miss that. I remember hiking last summer with my kids. It was so fulfilling. I felt on top of the world! I want to be able to hike like that again. I know what it takes. I am working on it.

And now I am off to ride my bike, eat, shower, and go to my "female" exam appointment to check up and make sure I do not have anymore scary issues that require biopsy or surgery. Cross your fingers for me! I really need a clean bill of health this time.

Have a great day... and ride that wave!

29 comments:

fatty McButter Pants said...

It does feel so good when you've got your motivation mojo rockin'. It really does feel like you are being propelled forward by all the positive energy that you are giving off. LOVE IT!

I am sorry that your hubby is sending you mixed signals. It's got to all that much harder when you feel you are being sabatoged.

keep inspiring me!

beerab said...

I hope everything goes well!

Isn't it just like a guy to put his sh*t all over your stuff! My husband would pile soda cans, cups, plates, and so on, all over my desk and the house and so on.

FINALLY I piled everything on his desk in an decorative fashion and at first he was annoyed- when I told him I just wanted to decorate his computer like he decorated the rest of the house he just laughed. He's been a million times better since then (this was a few years ago).

Maybe you could put all your exercise shoes and stuff on his papers lol! So he knows how it feels! ;)

Sorry your hubby seems to try to undermine your efforts :(

Winderdoodle said...

That's great that you're feeling so great about things today!!! That's motiviating to me as I'm in the opposite place for whatever reason. All well. I hope the "up" comes for me soon and in the meantime, it's nice to hear from people that are rockin' it!

~ Wendy

ctina said...

hooray! to total control over your environment!

also - sorry i overlooked the fact you already use sparkpeople. looking back, you do mention it a lot! if i was a more consistent reader, i would have noticed that, sorry!

i guess everyone finds what works for them. for me, sparkpeople was it -- for others it's WW (though personally, not for me), or something else.

like you said you know what you are doing... it's figuring out how to keep it up and NEVER quit that's hard. but, you are working out with an eye infection, so sounds like you are already a runaway train! :)

rachel421 said...

its a surfin' safari!
thoughts:
1.make sure each day he is away count. exploit this free time as much as you possibly can, so when he gets back it'll be that much easier to handle the hurdles.

2.maybe he isnt trying to sabatoge, just subconsiously afraid of change. what will great change bring for him, his marrage. fear can be expressed in so many disguised ways.

3.hope your appointment goes well, no matter, if issues arise you can handle it step by step!!

uplifted by your post!! :)

Megan said...

Way to go, I kind of feel that way today too. I was thinking about your husband and how before I quit smoking (yuck!) I was always secretly really upset when one of my friends would quit smoking. When you lose a 'partner in crime' it's sad because a) you don't have anyone to smoke/ eat too much with and b)it puts a light on some of the healthy choices you know you should be making but aren't ready to yet. In the meantime, sorry he'll be gone but enjoy making a nice easy to manage weightloss environment for yourself!

screwdestiny said...

So glad you'll get four weeks without someone trying to hinder your path to better health. That still blows my mind. And I hope your eye infection goes away soon!

Chubby Chick said...

Keep surfin', girl! If you look a few waves over... you'll see me waving at you! :)

Definitely take advantage of these next few weeks when hubby is not home. And every time you have to move his crap from your bike when he's home... just think how many calories you are burning in the process! :)

I hope all goes well with your appointment today... and I hope your eye infection is soon a thing of the past!

Vickie said...

my fingers are always crossed for you.

The harder it is for him to find his papers/junk, the longer it will take the piles to hit your biking area again. . .

Hanlie said...

I love how you're taking the high road here... I would have dumped it all in the garbage on Day 2 already, but that's just me - anal about things lying around. I'm a Virgo, so I don't allow clutter!

Love it when that wave comes around! Enjoy!

Val said...

Congrats on the newfound motivation! Days like that surly make the journey easier.

Have a nice "break." My man is going the opposite way-he starts working four day workweeks this week, so he and I will have Fri-Sun together *gulp*

Have a great rest of your Monday!

Ria said...

So true that we have to take advantage of those times when the planets align for us to make some big progress . . . enjoy your wave, Lyn! I have a feeling you're going to ride it right into the 220s :)

Honib1 said...

hope all went well at the doctor!

vomama said...

I came across your blog from a friend and I LOVE YOU....no I am not some blog stalker....I just really ....really can relate to you. You are so honest and make me feel like I am human in this battle to drop weight. Thank you so much for all the stories and tips you offer on your blog! LOVE IT!!!

destinationathlete said...

You are such an inspiration...I hope the wave is contagious. :o)

flyingwoman said...

Because of my decreased fitness level and increased weight over last year, I don't have quite as much stamina and joy in life. I miss that.

Man, does this strike a chord. I lost 75 pounds a couple of years ago, gained it back and more. I'm squarely back on track, but yeah, I miss that stamina and joy... and my lowest weight wasn't even as low as your highest weight! I can just imagine how free your first summer felt.

Thanks for the blog, you're inspiring. :)

Mama Bear June said...

So glad you will have 30 days to ride that wave without sabotage. Sorry to hear about your hubby's mom, though. Hope all turns out well. And hope your eye infection heals quickly, too.
Hang in there, you totally ROCK!
Path to Health

Marie said...

Your husband's behavior is bizarre.

Marie said...

My comment above reads as condemning. I didn't mean it that way. I just find the way he is behaving totally perplexing.

antgirl said...

Hope your checkup goes well.

It is the best when it's 'on'. Take it as far as you can while it lasts. :)

Shauna said...

surf's up, baby! :)
hope everything goes well xx

Terri said...

Here's what you say to your husband when he piles stuff all over your bike...."Thanks for putting this stuff here because now, not only do I get in some cardio, I ALSO get in soome strength training!"

Hope it all works out for you.

Betsey C. said...

Ha, I love Terri's idea! Too funny. Seriously, I love it when you blog about your husband. His sabotage seems so blatant, that it's almost funny (tho I'm sure it's not funny to you!) I almost feel sorry for the guy -- he's desperately trying to keep you the way you are, and it's probably subconscious behavior for him. I'm glad you will have a little break from it.

Enjoy that wave! I'm experiencing the same thing myself, I have lost 16 lbs. in the past month, and it has seemed effortless. I love it!

McLauren84 said...

I hope your eye infection gets better! Having something wrong with your eyes is the absolute most uncomfortable thing, in my opinion.

I agree with Rachel's comment--I think your husband is just afraid of losing you. He might secretly feel that if you lose the weight and feel great about yourself, you'll suddenly be thinking how much better you could do. I find many negative behaviors tend to be rooted in insecurity.

Maybe you need to have an open conversation about what he's really feeling. You now admit that he's clearly sabotaging your efforts, so maybe exploring the cause of his behavior will make it easier to change.

Good luck this month! I feel you'll definitely be seeing some lower numbers soon. I'm almost in Onederland, so here's to us both!

Karen said...

As another poster said, I personally would NOT handle him putting his crap all over my bike as maturely and reasonably as you are. I would have told him the second time he did it that if I find any more of his stuff covering or blocking my bike, it's getting thrown in the garbage and if he did it again, I would have followed through on that threat. I personally just can't stand passive-aggressive sh*t like that, esp. from men, so I wouldn't be as calm about it as you.

Mike579 said...

Check out Chalene Johnson's blog. It might be interesting for you as she talks about how weight loss can affect relationships.

http://chalenejohnson.blogspot.com/

Hope you like it.

South Beach Steve said...

Ass I can say is make the most of the wave. There are up times and there are down times - make the most of the up time.

As a husband who does stupid stuff on occasion, I have to say he may not be intending to sabotage you, he just may not be sensitive to your needs right now. We husbands really screw up in that area a lot.

Actual Scale said...

Love to see your motivation running high!

I'm sorry about the signs your getting from dh. I hope he comes around & is supportive on all fronts soon.

Best of luck at your appt. I've got to call & make my own soon. Yuck.

carla said...

ok
I am writing too much about fitness as INITIALLY I thought you mean the FIRM WAVE by GAIAM (I know. I know.)

glad to see this post, Lyn!