Sunday, June 21, 2009

Complacency

Last night, I ate wayyyy too much! Way.

I think I have gotten a little too complacent with my food intake. Not all the time, but what happens is something like this:

I buy strawberries, flax, spinach, and yogurt because I like having smoothies for breakfast.
I get up in the morning intending to have the smoothie.
I go into the kitchen and I think, "boy, I just feel like eggs today. With toast. And sausage. Or pancakes. Or..." and all these carb-laden foods like donuts start dancing in my head.
Of course, I don't have any donuts in the house, and I am not desperate enough to make a "donut run."
I make the eggs and toast and shrug and think, "oh well, it wasn't that bad... eggs can be part of a healthy diet, and the toast was whole wheat, so what if there was butter on it? I will have a healthy lunch."
I bought vegetables and chicken to cook for lunch. I fully intend to have that for lunch. I go into the kitchen to start cooking it, but I really feel like noodles. Cheese. Macaroni and cheese. And Coke. And chips.
Of course, I don't have Coke or chips in the house, and I am not crazy enough to make a Coke run.
I make myself a small dish of macaroni and cheese. I shrug and think, "Oh well, it wasn't so bad... it was whole grain pasta. So what if there was a lot of cheese in it? Cheese can be okay. And the butter wasn't that much. I will have a healthy dinner."
I bought beans and brown rice and veggies for dinner, but when dinnertime rolls around, I want a pizza. With sausage. And pepperoni. And Coke.
Of course, I don't have pizza or Coke in the house, but I have carbs stuck in my head. I make a big sandwich on the french bread I'd bought to make garlic bread for the kids the other day. I eat it with a glass of homemade lemonade. I think "oh well, it was a lot of turkey. Turkey is good for you. And I put avocado on it too, that's good for you. So what if I put mayo on it? And just one glass of lemonade won't hurt."
After dinner, I want ice cream. And candy. I suddenly realize that my entire food intake for the day was one big excuse! I ate a lot more than I needed, nothing I intended to eat, and NO vegetables or fruit, and way too much fat and carbs! Ughhh! How did this happen? May as well have that ice cream, can't hurt now. So I walk to 7-11 for ice cream, eat the whole pint with a bag of M&M's, and think, "at least I walked to the store for it. Tomorrow will be better."

All too often I let my brain get in the way. I stray from my planned meals until I have veggies rotting in the fridge from putting off eating them for days. But the scale tells me, "girl, this is NOT making you any thinner."

I guess because I am pretty happy and mobile for the most part, the weight loss hasn't seemed as urgent. I am able to live, enjoy, do most of what I want to do. But not all. And I'd be kidding myself if I said I would be okay with staying this weight permanently. I wouldn't. So, ya know, onward I go. Learning all this is part of the process. And for the first time in my life, and in many, many weight loss attempts, I have been able to actually KEEP OFF 40 pounds for over a year. Before this blog, I'd lost 35-40 pounds a couple of times but never kept it off more than 2 or 3 months. I am pretty proud of myself for keeping it off. But it isn't *all* I want to do. I want to lose more.

Later today, or tomorrow, I will post (or at least Twitter) what I did today to improve my health and lose weight. Posting my goals for the day is pretty useless unless I do them, so I'll just post what I actually *did,* after the fact. And the results will speak for themselves.

10 comments:

C.I.W. said...

Hi! My name is Casey- and I found your blog on 3FC - I can't tell you how much of an inspiration you have been. I had a TERRIBLE day yesterday- logged on to look for some motivation for my day today- and you updated with an entry that could easily have been mine.

Thank you for your honesty-

I have added you to my blogroll, hope you don't mind!

Casey

a corgi said...

hi; I don't think I've commented on your journal before, but I get what you are saying; I have been in too many years so similar; buy healthy food but let it spoil, I get that all. I've been trying this time around (I play with 30-40 pounds, off they come, on the come, I'm trying to get them off this time for GOOD) to stress healthy eating over diet. I want to learn to eat right so that when I get to my goal weight I continue to stay at it; I'm great at taking it off, terrible at maintaining it. I've also learned to make small goals; perhaps you can make a goal to eat healthy one of the meals a day; get that down and then move on to the next meal, etc. Just a thought; it is a continuous journey for sure

betty

Hanlie said...

What an amazing insight! Yes, we do deceive ourselves so easily. I've only recently realized the extent to which I used to do this. Now I take care to be brutally honest with myself and it's changing every aspect of my life. No more compromises, because that means compromising my health and my weight loss efforts!

Great post, Lyn!

ShellyD said...

You can do this!!

Once upon a time there used to be without fail a 2L Coke in the fridge and possibly another. Not a day went by without me consuming glasses of the stuff. On this journey I knew it was the first thing that had to go. It was hard but now there are NO MORE 2L cokes in the fridge.

Good Luck!!

Kelly said...

I felt the same way just the other day. It's so easy to destroy any good things we've done for ourselves by eating something we know we should skip. This is a daily struggle isn't it? I hope it gets better with practice.

Ginney said...

I wish we all have the determination and discipline of a soldier but it is hard to be the ones to kick our own butts sometimes. Maybe revising your list of goals for losing weight will help. Well, you know what to do. I'm looking forward to seeing a loss for June!

Ria said...

Congratulations on keeping 40 lbs off for over a year - that is a great accomplishment in itself and bodes really well for making it all the way to goal.

I've gotten complacent lately too, and I definitely share the tendency to eat just a little too much throughout the day. For me, journaling everything I eat helps me to stay focused on the big picture and make the necessary tradeoffs. Actually seeing the extra calories/carbs from a non-optimal choice in my FitDay usually motivates me to compensate at the next meal . .. for example, if I've eaten a heavier breakfast than usual, journaling makes me more likely to substitute raw veggies for pita and skip the cheese with my lunchtime hummus.

South Beach Steve said...

Lyn, you are through the hard part. The first year is the toughest. Nevertheless, you cannot let your guard down. There is work still to be done. Do not let complacency rob you of the healthy life you are after. I know you can do it - keep it up.

anne h said...

Another great blog. I know we all do it: Well at least I did this or that. Then I am always terribly and honestly brokenhearted for the lapse. WOW!

Lynna said...

Hi Lyn,
I've been following your blog for about a year, and I just noticed a trend on your weight loss chart. The first year of your journey showed consistently high losses. About the time I started reading (around July 4th) things seemed to stall. Makes me wonder what you did differently that first year to be so incredibly succesful. (Just asking because I am trying to follow in your tracks.) Regardless of your weight loss or gain, I find you to be remarkable person and I learn about being human from you. Thanks! Lynna