Friday, May 22, 2009

Yesterday

I know you're just dying to know how I did yesterday! Well, actually, even though I ate a whopping 2,548 calories yesterday, I did *better* than I have done for the last two weeks. First, because I even know how many calories I ate. I had to dust off my trusty old Sparkpeople account and make myself log everything I ate, but I got that done. I was a bit resistant at first because, you know, change is hard, but I figured I really need to get back into the habit of logging and being aware of my food in order to improve my intake. So that's how I know about those 2,548 calories.

My breakfast was good, which is probably the easiest thing for me to improve. I have a short mental list of nice, healthy breakfasts I really enjoy... smoothies, Egg Beaters in various forms, oatmeal, grapefruit with peanut butter wheat toast... so a healthy breakfast is very easy and habitual for me. In fact I have to make a concerted effort *not* to eat a healthy breakfast (like reaching for the waffles and sausage that the kids are having) and when my breakfasts go all to heck, you know I am way, way off track! Anyway, my breakfast yesterday was: cup of chai tea with skim milk & agave nectar, and a bowl of mixed grain raspberry cocoa oatmeal with half a banana mashed in and a splash of 2% milk.

Now I have to admit that after this, my eating went haywire... but really not as haywire as it has been. So while it may *look* awful (and yeah it is awful) it is still a step in the right direction, which is all I am asking myself for for now. I was out and about for hours, looked in my purse for the almonds I usually carry and the tin was empty. Daughter wanted to go play at the park but I still hadn't eaten. I've been having caffeine withdrawal headaches since stopping the daily Cokes I had slipped back into, so I thought, well, I will have an iced coffee while she plays and that will tide me over til I get home and eat. So off to Starbucks I went for my caramel frappuccino, and then to the park. When I got out to take her to the park, she was asleep! Guess what's next to the park? Mcdonald's. So I thought, "I'll just grab a cheeseburger and sit here in the car and eat it while she sleeps and listen to talk radio and relax, and then when she wakes up we will play." (I can hear your heads shaking now. Yes, this is the kind of thinking I am trying to eliminate. That's why I'm writing it down. Awareness.) So off I went to the drive thru, where I suddenly was thinking a Big Mac meal would be better... but I ordered 2 cheeseburgers and a small fry and thought I was being "reasonable and moderate" with my choices since, hey, I didn't get a Big Mac and large fries and a Coke and an ice cream cone and 3 chocolate chip cookies, right? Wow, the more I type this out, the more ridiculous it is. Back to the park I went, ate my 2 cheeseburgers and fries, drank my coffee, threw the evidence in the trash can, and then thought, "hey, I wasn't going to eat in the car anymore."

When I tried to wake up my daughter she started tantruming which means she was just too tired to wake up. So I went home. Which is what I should've done in the first place. She slept on the couch for an hour.

When I went to get the other little girl (who is living with us this month) from preschool, I *DID NOT* stop at the store on the way there and buy either 3 Russell Stover chocolate mint dreams or 2 Hostess pies and eat them in the car on the way there as I had been doing last week. I just drove there, got her, and came home.

And then when my daughter woke up, we all took a nice long walk around the block, played at the park, brought the dog with us, and really enjoyed the sunshine and nice weather. This was another victory for me, since all week I have been telling my sons to take the girls out in the backyard to play because I was too tired and crabby to be bothered.

I was planning to make a huge salad for dinner with baked chicken nuggets for the kids, but when I got home from the walk I had other things to tend to so my husband gave the kids their nuggets with some hummus and milk and I bailed on the salad for another day. When I got around to eating I had 2 pieces of pizza, which was good (chicken breast, spinach, and mushrooms on thin crust) and bad (600 calories total). I had iced green tea with it, and a light Yoplait yogurt for dessert.

Later that night, I didn't bike. I didn't go back out for another walk and I didn't lift weights. I sat and ate a bowl of cereal with skim milk at 9pm and didn't get to bed til after 11.

Sooo, to recap, I improved some but not enough. I'll call it a baby step, and work harder today. I definitely need wayyy more vegetables and some fruits in there. I think the biggest step I took was getting back to logging my calories. I want to do that daily and hone my eating down to a very nutritious 1700ish calories.

Our little houseguest goes home next week! While I do love and enjoy children, it will be nice to have space and time back to focus more on myself and my health. We are going to cook out on the grill this weekend and I am so looking forward to grilled vegetable sandwiches. The kids can HAVE their burgers, I would much rather have a huge pile of grilled zucchini, onions, red peppers, yellow squash, and feta cheese on some toasty focaccia bread! Grilled portabellos are fantastic, too.

Have a great Memorial Day weekend, and remember to be kind to yourself.

13 comments:

♥ Dee ♥ said...

I love how accountable you are to yourself.

Katie J said...

I admire your accountability and your ability to convey it so poignantly in your posts. You are a great writer! I think you should write a book!!!

beerab said...

At least you are being honest- some people just take off and never come back...

I think many of us go through this- all that matters is that we focus again. I know you can do it!

South Beach Steve said...

Every step in the right direction is a good move. Now just aim to make tomorrow better.

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
HiddenJewel said...

Re: Anonymous aka the coward.
Yes, LOTS of people have "bizarre" lives. Actually, many have lives that make Lyn's look calm. If you read the comments that she gets you'll notice that her story resonates with a whole bunch of people. She doesn't have to make stuff up- REAL life is strange enough on its own.
And what kind of person keeps reading someone that they think is lying?
Lyn, ignore the coward and keep up the good work.

NewVision said...

You are so in touch with your inner self. I wish I was as in touch as you are.

One thing I have learned about myself is that I like to reward myself with food for doing things I DON'T want to do. It sounds a little like you are doing that too. Have to go pick up the spare child that you don't want to pick up, yeah I'll do that and stop by and pick up some cookies or a pie etc. If not, I apologize. Just a thought.
:)

Have a great weekend, sounds like your on the right track.

I love your blog. :)

wonderloveandpraise said...

Hi Lyn -

I Love Sparkpeople - i think it's one of the best tools out there for tracking food and exercise.. and free! fantastic. tracking will make all the difference.

i sneak food, too. i wonder why the car becomes such a 'safe' place to do that.... it's just a transport vehicle. it's not a vacation. i try to tell myself that these days to avoid the sneaks.

Val said...

I love the transparency. I can SOOO relate to this post. Writing down mental excuses makes them seem so crazy!
Have a great Memorial day!

Anonymous said...

Lyn:

Have you given a "regular" iced coffee (milk and sugar or sweetner) a go? I know it's sort of a lame comment, but little changes often keep my progress and my sanity on track, as opposed to draconian decisions about "never" having or doing XYZ again.

Keep on keeping on, Lyn. You're fabulous.

Cathy said...

I understand absolutely what you are talking about! I think this is the main reason for keeping a food diary as you cannot cheat yourself anymore. Maybe I should start this doing myself. Great blog! Love it!

liz said...

i agree, the accountability is key. good for you. none of us is perfect. you are inspiring.

Juice said...

Lyn, thanks for sharing your great days and your not-so-great days. It's nice to know I'm not the only one who struggles with wacky thinking when it comes to food. You are inspiring to so many people. Keep up the great work!