Sunday, May 31, 2009

Small Update

Yesterday, I walked a mile. This morning, I got up, had tea, and hopped on my exercise bike for 30 minutes. It was the first time I have ridden in months, and my legs *really* felt it. When I last rode, I was doing 30 minutes, 6 days a week, on 7 resistance and it wasn't terribly hard. This morning I was dying after 8 minutes and wondering how I would get through 30. I varied the resistance between 3 and 5 and I just made myself stay on the bike for the full 30. I feel like I accomplished something important today.

Breakfast was steamed asparagus and two eggs over easy fried in cooking spray. I had some black currant flavored iced tea and fresh cantaloupe for a snack, and then I took my daughter for a walk to the park. Given that it is already 84 degrees out, walking a half mile after biking for a half hour is pretty good.

When I weighed 2 days ago, I was up to 240 pounds. That was pretty upsetting to me. I haven't seen that number in a very long time. It makes me kinda angry that even WITH the amount of effort I put into losing weight, I am going up and down with an emphasis on the up. I mean, really. I walked a mile at least 3 times a week this month. I made healthy meals about 75% of the time. I said no to a lot of indulgences I wanted. I drank a ton of water, I paid attention to what I was eating, I logged calories some of the time, I ate more vegetables and fruits and less junk. And yet here I am, 240 pounds. If I had been making *no* effort over the last 6 months, I have no doubt in my mind that I would easily weigh over 300 pounds right now. And that is a very scary thought.

And so I have made the commitment to myself to put my biking first. Walking is nice but it just doesn't get me into the aerobic range I need to be in to burn calories. Oh I will still walk, for pleasure... to the park with the kids, or in the evenings after my daughter goes to bed. But I have decided that the biking is just essential for me to make a part of my daily life FOREVER in order to be fit. I am even going to request an actual real live semi-recumbent bicycle for my birthday so I can ride outdoors instead of in the family room. I am a biker. I love to ride.

Yesterday I decided to do my yoga DVD, but couldn't find it. It took me a full half hour to find the thing and then I had other things to attend to. So now it is on top of the TV and I am going to try it this week.

Tonight's dinner: whole grain spaghetti with buffalo, tomato veg sauce, and piles of mushrooms and zucchini, with broccoli on the side.

I am not giving up this battle. Never.

28 comments:

Hanlie said...

Good for you!

I have realized that exercise is also absolutely essential for me. It was when I got my first car at the age of 25 and stopped walking everywhere I needed to be that my weight ballooned. I simply have to be active (and eat very well, of course!).

Good luck!

Jaci "Big Mac Addict" M. said...

Don't give up! For us, it will always be a constant struggle.

LizB said...

I cannot do it without exercise, for sure. I now lift weights 3-4 times a week, plus, like you, I walk for exercise and stress release. I found that I love weightlifting so much that I want it to be BFF. Keep up the good, hard work!

Slim said...

You CAN do this!!! It will be a struggle, but you will succeed! You have a plan, a great attitude & the drive to do it. You may fall off the horse a few times, but by getting right back in the saddle, you'll be fine!

claire said...

I know you don't know me at all but WAY to go, i know its really discouraging to try really hard and eat healthy and work out to result in...oh hey gaining weight. I feel like i am in the same boat as you.
Somethings got to give right?

Goodluck!

Lisa said...

Good for you for sticking with it!
Just for that you should be proud of yourself!

- Lisa
www.losewithlisa.blogspot.com

jen said...

wow! I am impressed with your resolve to not give up!! I read your blog a couple of times a week but this may be the first time I have commented. Sorry.

I think you are amazing and even if, no scratch that, when life gets in the way you are learning from those bumps. Congrats for getting over the bumps!

Good Luck!!

<3 jen

Anonymous said...

Hi! I read your blog all of the time. I thought today would be a good day to comment....keep up the goodwork...you are very inspiring to me! I know how hard it is...I have been trying to lose 40 lbs for two years now...and am only down about 10. At this rate it will take me another 6 years to get to where I need to be. I also always remind myself that even though I am losing very very slowly, at least I am not gaining! It also helps me to remind myself that just because I haven't been able to lose much weight yet, it does not mean that I can't or will not be successful eventually. All it means is that I just have not done it yet! And also, most people who have ultimately been successful at obtaining their goal weight had several unsuccessful attempts first. I just want to encourage you and let you know how helpful I have found your blog. Thanks so much for the honest way you share your struggles here. You really have a great gift to share in your writing.

Andi said...

I love your attitude! Keep it up!

Anonymous said...

Good for you! Never ever give up.
I have followed your blog for a few months now and I am proud of your success.

I have read alot...and I mean alot of weightloss blogs from all over the world. Coupled with my own experiences, I see one thing we all seem to have in common.
At first, the weight comes off on a fairly regular basis. Then everything changes; we blame it on Christmas, Thanksgiving, our birthday or some other tangible event.
I don't think that is the issue at all. Let's face it, over eating is a very strong addiction. After a while our body begins to sense that we may actually break free from the addiction and change the way we live our lives forever....S-C-A-R-Y!
When this happens, it is then that we began to do the emotional work of weightloss. The hardest part for me.
I have been noticing in your latest blogs that you are doing alot of emotional work. Good work may I add.
You may have gained some weight...but as you focus on the emotional work...you know Fat Girl vs Fit Girl and such, the weight will start coming off again.
It has been my experience that when I am doing my best emotional work and breaking free from the addiction is when I have the strongest cravings.
My weakness used to be ice cream. I could eat an entire box of 12 ice creams in a day or so....or a half gallon of my favorite flavor ice cream.

Now when I really get the urge for ice cream and I must have it, I turn to Sugar Free Fudgesicles (35 calories, Creamsicles (20 calories), or plain Sugar Free Popsicles (10 calories). They are not as "good" as ice cream, but they help with the desire to put something cold and creamy in my mouth.

Hang in there...you are a winner and an inspiration to all of us!

mythreemonthokinawadiet said...

You are on the right path. I believe you will succeed.

Just my two bits... I have been reading about homeostasis and how it impacts dieting. If it is possible try and mix up your excercies routine and intensity.

Good Luck to you.

cmoursler said...

I find the most important thing is to write down everything you eat. Spaghetti is very high calorie if you eat too much, it might seem like a lot but to really get ahold of it (meaning your weight) You have to know exactly what you are eating. I used to walk three days a week but kept gaining weight. I would generally skip breakfast, drink about five cups of coffee with sugar and half and half throughout the day and on most days would eat lunch out. A healthy lund (I thought.) After I started writing down my food, I found out that with just a panda bowl of rice and chicken and zuchini along with my coffee, I was eating about 700 calories of sugar in my coffee, 560 calories in my cup and a half of rice and 230 in my chicken and zuchinni. Add in the half and half at 40 calories per two T. and you have another 200. That adds up to 1690 calories. I wasn't stuffing my face full of food. I was eating exactly the wrong thing thinking I wasn't eating that much. I am now logging everything and a 1700 calorie day looks much different and is quite filling. I walk, daily about 1.5 to 2.5 miles. Not strolling but working pretty hard. I have lost about 10 lbs so far. I expect it will take me a year or two to lose it all. And that is okay, knowing that I can control my calorie intake without starving has given me a really good tool to work with.
I hope things start going in the right direction for you.

Anonymous said...

I've been reading your blog for a while. Have you ever considered having two blogs...one for your reflections and another strictly devoted to weight loss? I think you're a good writer, and because you are such a good writer, people respond to your writing and never address your food/exercise issues. Maybe if you had a weight loss blog that was totally food intake/calories/exercise, you could get a real picture of what is going on with your weight loss journey. I think sometimes all the words get in the way of your ability to really see what your food intake is and how much you are exercising. You could use the other blog to focus on writing...even take an online writing course, since you enjoy writing and people enjoy reading your stories. You seem to have a lot to say about many topical issues, and maybe a second blog that is an outlet for your creativity would allow you to get the positive feedback about yourself that would make the difference in your self-esteem and commitment to weight loss.

justjuliebean said...

Walking doesn't really do it for me, either. I figure an hour at the gym is still more exercise than a 3 hour walk. The exception being the occasional 8 mile steep hike on unstable ground-I'll count this as a a few hours of exercise because after 3-4 hours, it'll wipe me out harder than anything at the gym.

Lyn said...

Anonymous~

thanks for the suggestion, but I truly *love* my blog just the way it is! I really enjoy all the positive feedback I get here. I don't write this blog to get feedback on my exercise or suggestions on my eating... I have a pretty good grasp on what I am doing wrong, and when I do want feedback I ask for it and get wonderful suggestions! I wrote here for the joy or writing, to share my journey, to explore the issues surrounding eating disorders, and to connect with other people with similar struggles. Two blogs would just give me a headache :)

VeeGettingHealthy said...

Ditto to Hanlie. Good for you! I'm glad you wrote what you did. I think it's time I stepped it up myself. Need to uncover the exercycle first. Maybe start out with M/W/F. What an inspiration.

Vee at www.veegettinghealthy.blogspot.com

Ria said...

I'm frustrated right along with you, Lyn - my scale is also bouncing around/up lately and I've also been having trouble staying perfectly on track.

Here's hoping the upcoming week is a good one . . . as you say, NEVER give up and we'll get there eventually.

Twix said...

My mom has a recumbent bike because she has RSD and is disabled. She loves her bike! So much so I want one! Those bikes are great! You'll enjoy it! :)

45+ and Aspiring said...

Hi Lyn,

You sure do get some thoughtful coments.

I loved the last line of your post. I so identify with the struggle of feeling like it's a loop of starting over and over again.

I think what cmoursler said is true for me. . . I need some kind of clear end limit so I know when to stop. Because when I've tried to loosely focus on just eating healthy and on healthier behaviors it doesn't produce the results I want (though I'm sure it's makes me healthier physiologically than not trying).

That looser healthy lifestyle works for some people. But when it doesn't work like I hope it should, and I'm trying, it's frustrating (though I don't think quite as self-hatred producing as not trying at all).

Also, the experts say that to MAINTAIN A HEALTHY WEIGHT you need to exercise AT LEAST 30 minutes MOST DAYS OF THE WEEK. If you WANT to lose weight, you need to exercise 45 minutes to an hour most days of the week.

What that says to me is that I am genetically programmed to be heavier so to change that, I need to put in more consistent effort than a genetically programmed thin person. (I guess I could think of that like taking time to straighten curly hair every day!)

Also, I know I am writing my own post here on your blog. But I love your blog as it is too. I've thought about trying to limit mine, but our lives aren't just about being fat and trying to lose weight--they are about other things we have passion or angst about. And sometimes we want to concentrate and share those things more. . . it may not share the same appeal to the weight loss readers because we are all different, but it may attract readers who share our other non-diet/exercise related issues.

Whew! Thanks for letting me get that all off my chest. One last piece of unasked for, but caring, advice: Stop envisioning 300. . .don't woo it and get comfy with the thought don't invite it over to your life. It's a messy guest and won't leave as fast as you want. <3

Lynne said...

Go Lyn GO!

You don't have to like it; you just have to DO IT!! Eventually you will miss it when you don't!!

Get yourself back into the eating healthy groove - baby steps. My vow this week is to NEVER eat in the car! Hard, but doable.

Remember your "healthy habits"? Are you living them? 7 days in a row will do wonders for your psyche. Go go go !! !

Megan said...

You go girl. I was thinking...other people (myself included) find your blogs so inspiring. I often go back and read my old points journals from when I was really focused to try and help get some of that focus back. Maybe you should have a nice cup of tea and read some of your blogs from when you felt on top of the world wl wise. Maybe you could get some of your own inspiration. :) Keep up the great work!
Megan

Winderdoodle said...

Never give up! That's a great tagline, truthfully. I know it can be upsetting when the scale isn't going down and we're working hard, but as you commented to someone else, you know the things you need to do to succeed, now it's just a matter of doing them! Easier said than done, I know.

Keep up the workouts though. They will pull you through!

-Wendy

wendyweightlossjournal.blogspot.com

Jenni said...

THANK YOU for mad inspo. Just found your blog and LOVE it, girl! I'm going to have less coffee with milk & sugar and more water today. I'm hitting the gym with no kids and no excuses today! Not stopping at my friend Robin's instead of going to the gym! I'm a notorious gym ditcher, literally have to drag me there!

♥ Dee ♥ said...

Hey, I posted pretty much the same damn thing today.

I'm with you girl. My numbers may be lower, but it's the same pain, the same shame, the same frustration, and the same will to do something about it!

South Beach Steve said...

The bike ride sounds awesome. I have the same problem with walking (heart rate), but I really enjoy it. I am trying to slowly implement some running with it, but man that is tough!

TC said...

Lyn,

I look forward to your posts so much! It doesn't matter if you are having a good day or or a bad day I always come away with an insight or thought that resonates with me. I think you have the right idea that no matter what happens, we don't give up. Keep going, keep doing it and keep focused and it will happen. This cold has kicked my ass, but I am on the mend, and tonight I am going to work out. I haven't used being sick as an excuse to eat crappy food either!

I am so glad I found your blog, and thank you for sharing your journey with us. :)

Tammy

ctina said...

Exercise is good. But, losing weight is 80% what you eat, 20% how much you exercise.

I struggled with my weight for about 10 years, until I finally realized this 80% rule is true. You can overeat healthy foods and never lose weight, or lose/ gain the same 5 lbs over and over.

Your heart and determination are clearly in the right place. But, I have to suggest you log your calories diligently for at least a year.

Sticking with that will actually train your mind and body to eat right.

I have been tracking my food on Sparkpeople.com for almost a year now and it has completely changed my life. I am healthier now that ever.

Working hard is great, but accounting for everything is what will change old behavior. Trust me.

(btw-- I love your blog!)

Lyn said...

ctina~

Actually, I do log my intake on sparkpeople. I started doing that almost 2 years ago, did it religiously for a year or so, and still fell back into old habits. For me, the "fix" is not just about tracking and logging. And if I don't exercise, I just don't get anywhere with my weight nor my health.

But I agree that logging is a good thing, and have mentioned sparkpeople many, many times as one of the keys to awareness and success.