Thursday, May 21, 2009

Renewed Focus

Well, I've been cruising and/or floundering along for a week, improving my meals and activity level but still not feeling satisfied with my progress. I guess I got too relaxed about the whole weight loss thing; after I lost enough weight to be more comfortable and active, it just became less urgent. But I don't want to stop here; I want to lose more weight. I want to be even *more* comfortable and active. And frankly, I haven't been putting in the effort. It hasn't been a real priority, since my desperation to escape the pain and prison of morbid obesity is gone.

I was thinking yesterday. I used to have a really structured way of eating, living, being.... a way that led to weight loss and greater fitness. I was fairly regimented in my exercise and what I was eating. When I got lackadaisical about it, the exercise fell off the map. Six days a week of vigorous biking turned into a couple of one mile walks a week. The weight lifting melted into the background. I kept "forgetting" to do my knee exercises and resistance work, "forgetting" to weigh myself. And the eating has been sloppy too, even when I am not on the junk-food wagon: just eat something healthier than what I used to eat, in smaller portions than I used to eat, and call it good.

But that's not getting me where I need to be. Right now I feel pretty positive and energetic, which is a great time to step things up a bit. So I am going back to the old way to get myself into the habit of doing more.

The strangest thing happened this week. You know how I was agonizing over where to set up my weights so I could have a space to work out? And after days of mulling over every possible scenario, I came up with a great solution that made use of the space we have. I had mentioned to my husband that I was going to set up the weights and he seemed at least mildly supportive (okay, he didn't object). Well suddenly yesterday he tells me that he wants a *den.* He wants "his own room" where he can put his things and retreat for privacy. Well, if you read my description of our house, you know that just trying to make space for my weights was a dilemma. Now that I have a plan and am going forward with moving things around and setting up a fitness space, suddenly he needs a den. Frankly I never *really* thought there was sabotage going on but this is just too much of a coincidence to ignore. I don't know what's going on in his head... I've made many attempts to discuss this stuff with no results. But you know what? I am in charge of my destiny. I am going to set up the freaking weights where I said I was going to, and if he needs a *den* he is going to have to work it around my health requirements. On a brighter note, he did promise to NEVER bring candy in the house again. If he can keep that end of the bargain, it will make things a whole lot easier! (And... other things are better... so just remember that my sharing about my weight loss obstacles with my husband is not an invitation for commenters to trash my marriage).

I'm going to start using my blog to report more detail about my food and activity again, and my goal is to get myself back to the way I was doing things last summer:

Bike 30 minutes, 6 days a week
Weights and resistance training 3 days a week
Counting calories (1500-1700/day)

Plus I do like to take walks and be active outside. Hiking is a lot of fun! I have been slacking so I am going to have to work my way back up gradually so I don't hurt myself.

I'm excited to get back to the strong life! When I am working out, I feel so much better. It is so rewarding! The sun is shining and weather is perfect for living. Let's get to it!


Anonymous said...

I am very happily married to a man who still makes my heart skip a beat. That said, I could have the same comments you have about sabotage, or lack of support, on the dieting/exercise front. Just because you need to vent now and again, DOES NOT mean he's a jerk who you have to kick to the curb, as so many people like to suggest. I might be the only one, but hey, I hear you, and I understand.
Be happy.

Vickie said...

I think most men are like this - mention something and they then become fixated on it - make room somewhere - they move into it.

I think they are just random thoughts looking for somewhere to land.

Clueless - planless.

I can see them wandering the range looking for something to hunt - tracking it when they find it - BUT remembering where to gather and in what season and keeping track of the kids while they work - might be beyond their normal, given skill set.

and as I have said before - you have a HUGE advantage - you recognize that you can only control you - and you are getting very good at not taking his thoughts and his actions upon yourself - he is HIM - his 'stuff' belongs in his shoes - not in yours.

No matter what the age - men are men. . .

I had to start actually saying - do you mean to sabotage me or is just an accident?. . . and that was to the point enough that he did GET it.

Sarah said...

I'm not going to trash your marriage, but you MUST find ways to overcome his blatant attempts at sabotage. You yourself said he wasn't attracted to the skinnier you. Pursuing your health, which will lead to being smaller is only going to alienate him further. Be prepared for it.

skinnyhollie said...

It is awesome the way you can pick you battles with your husband. I struggled with that.

And YOU GO GIRL for going ahead and setting up your home gym. Let HIM find his own space!

Anonymous said...

Lyn, I'm so happy to read that you've recommitted yourself to a healthy life. I wonder, though, if you might be depriving yourself too much calorie-wise. I'm still losing weight on about 1800 calories per day and mostly heavy weight lifting (cardio twice a week, at most). I weigh just under 150 now, after losing over 135 pounds. Of course, I'm not losing 3-4 pounds a week (more like 3-4 pounds a month) but I'm not in any hurry to get these last ten pounds off. Of course, we all have to do what's best for ourselves, and if that works for you, kudos and good luck.

Twix said...

Understandable! ;-) My own has issues of sabatoging. It has often left me to wondering about his insecurities. But that doesn't open a door for the world to trash, I agree.

Now I just need a fire under my ass to get moving...hahahaha!!!

Megan said...

Lyn, I won't comment on your relationship because I certainly do not like it when people comment on mine. I love the idea of posting your food and exercise more. As you know I went back and read your blog from the begining a while ago and noticed that when you are in the habit of posting food and exercise you seem to do great (and the selfish aspect: I really like seeing what you do with all that produce!). Glad to hear you're feeling motivated again, looking forward to seeing your food and exercise. You go girl!

Anonymous said...

He feels you changing emotionally and the action of saying "I need a den" is a way of saying "do you still care about me and will you care about me as you get thinner?" Your focus is on you, where in the past, and think about this honestly, was "what would you like for dinner" or "lets go out for lunch and do..." and now its not the same.
Being part of a couple is hard because you take each other for granted or begin to think, "if you love me, you'll do this." Think about being little and you watched a sibling or another child get a cool toy. Maybe you didn't even want it, but a part of you wanted something, needed something to feel good about.
What's the end goal? Are you going to be "hot and sexy" and dump him because maybe he's not good enough? That's his fear. Sometimes sabotage is about not wanting things to change. Status quo is comforting, you know how to act, what to expect, what your role is. Being led into a new situation is scary. Loving someone with a fear of losing them could be an unconscious fear that he isn't even aware of. He could be doing or saying things and not even aware of the effect he's having on you.
In all your time for exercise and diet, where is your "together" time? Was it like a lot of people, enjoying junk food together and watching the TV? Think about it.

Susan said...

I'm not going to trash your marriage, but you MUST find ways to overcome his blatant attempts at sabotage. You yourself said he wasn't attracted to the skinnier you. Pursuing your health, which will lead to being smaller is only going to alienate him further. Be prepared for it.Well said!

I don't want to trash your marriage but can I just say I still want to kick your husband's butt?

Mary said...

Congrats on getting a gym set up! I just love the way I feel when I consistently lift weights -- wish I would have started doing that years ago!

clickmom said...

Won't say anything about your marriage, something about people who live in glass houses... or may it was a pot and kettle?

But as far as you regaining the drive the helped you lose the first chunk of weight, YOU GO GIRL! I for one am rooting for your team and look forward to reading (and seeing) your success.

Anonymous said...

You inspire me!

I am slowly realizing that I'm creating my own life, as well as making peace with my body. I'm just so impressed that you're doing it with so many more challenges than I have to deal with! More power to you! I think you're the kind of person made stronger by adversity, and I'm going to look for that in myself as well, even though my challenges are far fewer!

When I read your venting about your husband I'm going to think of this 'Grook' on your behalf:

"Here is a fact that should help you fight a little bit longer: things that don't actually kill you outright MAKE YOU STRONGER!"

Piet Hein wrote that, but I added the caps.

Anonymous said...

I just found your blog linked from Lynn's Weigh. I'm so impressed by your recommittment. Know that I (and I'm sure many silent voices) are cheering you on!

TC said...

I just want to take a step back and be in awe for a sec.



In this post you reminded yourself of something SO important. You have escaped from your prison! You went from barely able to walk up stairs to hiking! HIKING! You can play with your kids, do your housework, haul in groceries! No problemo!

What an accomplishment.

I love that you want to take it further now, and see what new horizons open up with even more weight loss. Who knows? You may end up at 180 lbs and say, yeah, this is good! I feel good! As long as you are happy with yourself and are healthy, right?

I'm with you on this journey. My blog is tammy' I'd be honoured if you checked it out!


South Beach Steve said...

Lyn, I have also recently gotten a renewed focus and it has made all the difference. I am once again losing weight, once again enjoying exercise, and once again pleased with my progress. I hope the same or better for you.

Karen In Tennessee said...

LOL...can I join all the others who want to kick your husband's butt??? Of course he wants a den of his own...he feels threatened to have you turning into this hot new woman and is afraid. Well, he better shape up and do what he can do to hang on to you before he has a whole house somewhere else all his own. Hang in there, Lyn!!! You take care of yourself and let him work around you!!!

Hotbefore40 said...

I need to tell my husband not to bring candy and cookies into the house anymore as well. Its really not working for me. Well done for sticking to your guns re the exercise area.

Lauren said...

I've been a longtime reader and I won't trash your marriage. I just, after reading all of the stuff I have read, even though it's NONE of my business. I feel concerned, and I just will pray for you that you can do what is best for you and what it in God's will.