Saturday, April 18, 2009

Tough Times

I am *so* not doing well right now. My PMS is killer. I am going to the doctor again for it in 2 weeks to see if there are any new drugs I can try (nothing has worked yet, including hormonals/birth control). I cannot function well this way! I have had a migraine for several days which is why I didn't post yesterday and almost didn't today (and if I make no sense, please forgive). The migraine has visual disturbances and I see auras and halos. It also causes mild but annoying nausea. The cramping is bad, and I am taking pain stuff. But I feel so horrible.

Stuff is complicated in my life at the moment. You already know I have five kids. A friend of mine died a couple years ago and I also have her boy here frequently for weekends, etc. I love him and try to help watch over him now that she is gone. And this week I was also given a little girl my daughter's age to care for. I won't go into details but she'll be living with us most likely through the end of May at least. My daughter is happy to have a new "sister" to play with and I am glad to do it. However, of course this causes a bit of stress (getting her to preschool each day, etc) and I have to get a bedroom set up for her today. If you have a "spare bedroom" like mine, it is actually a storage area piled high with stuff, so I have a lot of sorting and moving to do.

My daughter goes to the hospital at the end of this month, so we will be out of town for a few days then. Again with the invasive/painful testing stuff, so I am ramping up for that. And my husband is coming back also at the end of the month but I don't know for how long.

I also have to go in for my cervical cancer check again soon and cross my fingers for another clean result. I really DO NOT WANT anymore surgery. I want to be done with that chapter of my life. I just need to be healthy.

That's my life right now, and prayers/good thoughts are appreciated. Weightwise? Oh man, that has gone to the bottom of the list. I haven't weighed in days. Bad news probably. I am still making a half-hearted effort (yes I did have one SMALL slice of birthday cake at my son's party, but I stopped there). After I made his cake, I dumped the rest of the sugar in the trash (I had to go buy a small box of sugar to make it, but don't want sugar hanging around here). So I am getting back off the sugar and hope to be 100% sugar-free within a couple of days.

This morning as I stood in the kitchen making tea with my killer migraine, I had a bit of "sugar hangover" from the cake, too. I was looking through the cabinets and found half a bottle of Starbucks coffee syrup that I used to add to my coffee. I took it out and started pouring it down the drain.

As I stood there, feeling hung over, holding the tall, clear bottle and pouring the syrup out, I had a bit of deja vu. It was not unlike the time when I was 17 and decided to stop drinking alcohol, because I didn't want to grow up alcoholic like my mother and some of her family. I stood at the kitchen sink and poured bottles of alcohol down the drain, way back then. This morning, as I watched that syrup disappear into the sink, it was not unlike watching vodka disappear and knowing its the beginning of a new life. Empty bottle in the trash; new lease on life.

I hope by Monday I am feeling better. Have a good weekend.

19 comments:

Ceres said...

Ouch! I do hope you feel better soon, and that the doctor has some good idea on how to make the PMS pain go away. I wonder if some mild exercise/massage of one form or other might help, but I'm no expert.
That's a great thing you did with the syrup, well done! It goes to show how determined you are.
Again, many-many wishes for your daughter's health and your own. I hope it all goes well!
(((( hugs ))))

Ceres said...

Maybe this will help???

http://www.women-workout-routines.com/exercise-routine-for-pms.html

mak'n Changes said...

my gosh, you have a lot on your plate! How wonderful of you to open your home to those kids. Im sure they will be forever gratful!
My mom gets real bad migrains as well and I have seen her turmoil, so I know what you are going thru. Be blessed, and may your days of stress be turned into days of joy and peace.
cindie

Chubby Chick said...

I hope you feel better soon, Lyn. Hang in there. Brighter days are ahead. :)

And God bless you for taking care of these other children!

Fat[free]Me said...

You are a very special person and a great mom!

PMS is an absolute nightmare and on top of that the cramps and headaches/migraines.

I will be thinking of you during your daughter's and your own health events.

Once things settle down a bit, you will feel a lot better.

Meantime, keep as well as you can and well done on ditching the syrup!

rooibossieka said...

A good massage should help release toxin build-up in the muscles. I have found that a massage cream with menthol and cayenne pepper and a hotwater bottle on the area is an excellent way to relief migrain and mentrual cramps.
Good for you pouring that syrup down the drain!

Anonymous said...

I'll look at your latest picture and send good thoughts your way!

Your efforts on so many levels are anything BUT halfhearted!

I'll chime in a third voice suggesting some form of massage. Bodywork can be healing on so many levels. There are also acupressure points you can use on yourself to help with both PMS and migraine.

Balancing the giving care with receiving care is a challenge for many of us, moms especially.

Marie

Lotus said...

(((((hugs)))))

PatriciaW said...

Lyn, you've got a lot going on. Don't be so hard on yourself. Do what you can and feel good about it. Stress is a major impediment to weight-loss, and a contributor to PMS.

Keri said...

You have so much going on in your life. You are so special and caring to help with other children in your home. I hope your health gets better and I hope your daughters does too. I wonder if stress can be a big factor in migraines and cramps? Also, do you think any of your migraines are caused from maybe sugar withdrawals? Just a thought. Good luck to you. I love your blog!
Keri

Becca55 said...

Do get well soon! I know migraines are killers and on top of that PMs.. Man, Hang in there tho because it will pass. I am sorry that you have so much on your plate but I know that you are strong and will get through it!!

Ang said...

My heart goes out to you, and I do hope that you remember to take a moment each day for you. For you are most important for the house to run smoothly and efficiently

MB said...

When so many things are going on it is hard to stay focused on eating healthy and finding the time to work out.

I hope you feel better soon, things go as well as they can for your daughter, and you get through the husband's visit with minimal stress.

Stay strong and keep the faith.

Karen In Tennessee said...

Oh Lyn. I can totally relate. I am struggling, really struggling.

Vickie said...

the cycle of not feeling good - can make one look for answers in food - or at least it did/does for me - hard cycle to break.

I also have a hard time with looking for reasons to 'give myself' time off - Which adds to the not feeling well - which adds to finding reasons to give myself time off - vicious cycle.

glad that you posted - keep writing - it is one of the strongest forms of talking to yourself and listening to what you have to say - that I think there is.

Megan said...

Lyn (for starters, I would certainly ignore the post above mine and not dignify that with a response! how rude!) secondly, i really feel for you. What a lot to be dealing with at once! Keep on making small good choices as often as you can. You've certainly taught us what a big difference there is between making good choices as often as you can and throwing in the towel. I'll be thinking about you and wishing you well (like always :)
Megan

Archer said...

Have you tried high doses of calcuim for PMS? Like 2400 units a day during the week prior to your period, and 1200 for all the rest of your cycle. I can send you the medical literature if you like, but my GYN recommended this a year ago and it's had an amazing (and very gentle, side effect-free) result. PMS is terrible, try to keep working at a solution... you don't have to feel this way. (((hugs)))

Lyn said...

Ceres~

Thanks for the workout link! There are definitely things I can take from that article.

Megan~

I deleted it. I don't take the haters to heart. I figure they have more issues than I have... so that gives me compassion for whatever is haunting them to strike out at a stranger. (And I wanted to say something so people know it is not Vickie's post you were referring to! Love ya Vickie!)

Archer~

That's a good idea... thanks. I was taking calcium supps and then forgot about them. I have em here so I will start again today.

Thanks everyone, I am doing a bit better this morning and will post shortly.

Heather said...

Im sorry you are having a tough time right now. I hope that you can just hang in there and make your way to some easier times. great job on pouring out that syrup though, you dont need to hang on to that!