Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Being Fat, Being Sick

Yesterday, as I was trying to recover from a severe bout of stomach flu, I realized something. I realized that being morbidly obese is a lot like being sick all the time. And I never saw that before.

When I was morbidly obese, it used to take a *lot* of effort for me to do anything. Moving was exhausting. I wrote before about how I used to stay in the house most of the time, even with a small child, because it was just too much effort to get myself together, get her ready, go down a flight of stairs, and get outside. Then there was the chance I might have to pry myself out of a chair in the yard if my child tried to run off, or needed to be pushed on her swing, or was trying to pick up a bee. And I just couldn't deal with it, so I stayed inside.

Yesterday, I was weak from a day of puking my guts out and I was feeling very ill and tired. But my daughter, who seems to be recovering a lot faster than I am, was begging to go play outside in the gorgeous spring weather. So I took her out. Every part of my body ached as I got ready and took her down the stairs, and once we got outside, I pulled up a chair in the sunshine and just sat and watched her play.

As I sat there, it seemed familiar. Usually, I am not in a chair when I'm in the yard with her; usually, I am walking around, playing with her, tidying the yard, or suggesting we walk to the park. But yesterday as I was plopped in the chair, exhausted, I realized that this is *exactly* how I used to feel when I was morbidly obese. Too tired to move. Telling her to "swing herself" because Mommy is just too tired. Hoping she will entertain herself so I don't have to get up. Enjoying the sunshine as best I could, because nothing else was enjoyable.

Boy, am I glad I am not in that place anymore.

Being that fat really is like being sick all the time. It limits your movement and your enjoyment of every facet of life. And the strange thing? You don't even comprehend *how much* you are limited until you escape. Escape from obesity.

I'm still fat, but I can move now. At 227 pounds I am much freer than I was at 278. I don't feel like I am exhausted, drained, and sick anymore. Unless I have the stomach flu, that is.

Get out of the prison! Life is out there, calling. You have no idea how much you're missing. The joy is out there. Please take it. There is a beautiful, vibrant experience for each of us, every day, if we shed the shackles that bind us down. When you are free, you will not believe how rich life is!

24 comments:

Ceres said...

Hope you get back into your "moving around" mode again. I hate being sick for the same reason.

bbubblyb said...

Lyn, what a great post and so true. As I sit here recovering from having my gall bladder out I feel just as I did when I weighed 378 lbs. It really is a wake up call as to how I spent my life so many years. Boy, I am all for living and enjoying and moving. I can't wait to get back to it. Thanks for reminding me that I'm just sick.

Ang said...

Hope you start feeling better soon. ((((hugs))))

Miss Anon. E. Mouse said...

I can relate to this post. I am 230 lbs right now (the heaviest I have been) and I have all those feelings of tiredness and wishing the kids will amuse themselves. I don't take them outside very often, because as you say - it just all feels like too much effort. I have never taken them to the park on my own (I have 2 girls) as I am too scared of them perhaps running away from me and I just know I would not be able to catch up to them. Thats scares the life out of me.

Its interesting to me that you have the energy to play with your children whilst I feel I don't. We are similar weights at the moment so I guess its kind of relative. You feel freer at this weight because you have experienced being heavier than you are now, I am at my heaviest point now. I can only hope I begin to get back my energy as I lose this extra weight!

Hope you are feeling better soon, that stomach flu is horrid.

Take care!

Salted with Shadows said...

I related a lot to this post...well said.

Lyn said...

Miss Anon.~

You're right, it's relative. But I think it also has to do with diet and activity level. If I slack off and eat sugar, I feel lousy. But when I am exercising every day, and eating lots of natural, wholesome foods, I have tons of energy! I don't know what your eating/activity is now, but you might be surprised what happens if you eat lots of veggies, whole grains, lean protein, and exercise 30 minutes a day. I bet your energy would really improve!

Anonymous said...

Lyn,

I have been reading your blog for a while now. You are an amazing, honest writer who is very easy to indentify with. Today's entry is something I have always felt guilty about. Although I have always been bigger than most I gained over 100 pounds after I got married and had my 2 children. They have never known the person I once was. They only know me now, tired, sluggish, miserable, insecure and so on. Every day I fight the beast. I am a terrible binger. I feel as though I will never be on top. It is all consuming.

Thank you for all you do.

Kelly said...

I found your blog through a friend! Some of my friends and myself have been going to Weight Watchers and we have been blogging about our weight loss as well. We have posted pics and continue to post pics in 10 pound increments! So far, I have lost 17 pounds and still working on it! Your blog is an inspiration! Keep up the good work and I look forward to following your weight loss journey. If you ever get a chance, you can check out my blog www.blogsbykelly.blogspot.com. If you click on some of my friends, Shari, Rhonda and Cathy, you will see they are doing the same!

Jen said...

Lyn, I totally agree! My highest weight was 300 lbs and I was a slug. My knees/feet would hurt after walking too much, I avoided stairs like the plague.

I am down to 250 now and just that little bit a weight gone as made so much difference! I can run around with my kids, run up the stairs, my feet don't hurt anymore. I keep up with the housework.

I have been off the diet wagon for 2 weeks and all those slug feelings came back. It reminded me that this weight battle will be a lifelong endeavor. I am back on track now and hopefully will be back to losing soon!

Thank you for your blog, it is such a help to me!

Jen said...

Thank you for your post today. Your blog always motivates me to do better!

www.momincali.blogspot.com

Mrs said...

The last paragraph was so moving. Really hope you all make a full recovery from the lost weekend.

Keep going; I love reading your blog.

Thank you for continuing to be so honest and inspiring.

Heather said...

This was such an inspiration to read. It great when you have an awakening that seems to come out of left field. I am glad that you no longer feel "sick" all the time. You're doing a great job, keep up the hard work!!

Lynn Haraldson-Bering said...

{{lyn}} Thank you for that reminder. I wish you hadn't been sick to write it, but it really hit home for me. I forget what it felt like at 300 pounds, and while I'm not complacent, I tend to forget to appreciate what I can do now.

Hope you're feeling better soon, hon.

NAMASTESEEKER said...

Well stated!!

Lady Downsize! said...

I am stuck in that prison right now, and I have to say life outside of it seems like a fantasy fog many days. Super-duper obesity is tainting many thing in my life but it seems hard to get out. And boy can I relate to how draining physical activity is. Just the other day I was wondering where the energy is everyone keeps saying I'll gain from it.

chubrubb said...

You know what, I had also never thought about that but it does ring true... Just yesterday in bed I was thinking how my heel doesn't hurt in the morning anymore, my arm doesn't feel tight either, and I can sleep on my tummy comfortably.
Thanks for the food for thought...

justjuliebean said...

It was much harder to move myself when I was bigger, makes sense though. I agree on the whole foods-I feel world's different when I'm eating lots of veggies and whole foods (and a daily cookie), then when I'm eating burgers, fries, greasy fried sorts of things. OK, the sugar makes me feel a little startled, but I still eat it.

Vickie said...

This is slightly off topic - but I wanted to mention it to you while it was on my mind.

I TOTALLY get that you had the flu - no doubt that it was the flu - you had it - kids had it.

what I wanted to say - is that as your food gets cleaner and cleaner over time - processed food will give you flu like symptoms. It is the preservatives and salt that do this. The reason that I figured it out was migraines - clean food - almost no migraines - processed food was a life where migraines were routine. So I didn't associate it as the flu (many bloggers do) - I thought of it as 'why in the heck am I suddenly getting migraines when I haven't had one for months and months?' and then I figured it out.

mcc394 said...

i and my wife have noticed a big difference in the near 40 lbs i have lsot. i cant imagine what it will be like when i make my goal. I cant wait.

btw, I added a link to here on my blog roll. I will be checking in more.

Keep up the great work. I

antgirl said...

Get better! I agree. The best reward is engaging in life full swing.

Lucrecia said...

Very good analogy! I often feel like I'm just living a portion of my life. Its getting better but I still have a ways to go.

I hope you are feeling better soon!

Mike579 said...

Hope you are feeling better!

Mike

Bibiana said...

I am writing this in 2013, and I hope you are still doing well. Oddly enough, I am also recovering from a 'bug '.This article- and some of the replies -has me on the verge of tears. I am over 200 pounds, and this article describes the life I live to a t. I avoid so many things because it costs too much in pain and effort, and I know I deserve better.I want to live fully, and use my talents to a bigger degree than I have been. God bless you.

Bibiana said...

This described my life so well! I cannot say that my life has no joy: I have people who love me, a wonderful boyfriend, work I enjoy, and interests that add a lot to my life. But at over 230 pounds I never feel totally well, and I deprive myself of so much because of the pain and effort even little things take. Thank you! I realize we all deserve better.