Sunday, March 1, 2009

March 1, 2009: 229 Pounds

Hey, at least I lost a pound this month. (Although, if you remember and count the 7 pound gain earlier in the month, I lost 8 pounds this month). I'll take it. And BTW those size 18 jeans DO fit! They're a bit snug to wear all the time because I think if I ate dinner and then sat down in them they would press into my stomach a bit too much. But they are wearable if need be.

I am in a strange place emotionally/mentally. Maybe I can write a little bit about support, and love, and friendship.

If someone locked you in your house, alone, and you never saw anyone else or talked to anyone else, would you care how you looked? Would you really care whether you weighed 140 or 180, or 220 or 260... would you? At what point is support totally unnecessary? At what point are you strong enough to just do it FOR YOURSELF, with no positive feedback, no one cheering you on?

Some days... a lot of days, in fact, I don't talk to anyone. Maybe I talk to the billing lady when I call to pay my bills. And I do always talk to my kids. But I've been thinking about how NO ONE in my physical world gives a crap whether I lose weight or not. Not a single person that I can see or touch or even speak to on the phone cares whether I weigh 140 or 240. My parents are dead, grandparents too. No in laws to speak of, no siblings. Uncles all dead, and while I have a couple of aunts and cousins thousands of miles away, we rarely talk and I haven't seen them but once in the past 15 years. I don't work. I really do not have an "in person" support system, AT ALL. My husband doesn't seem to care what I weigh and my kids, bless their souls, never really noticed how fat I got ("you aren't fat, Mom"). The kids want me around, that's for sure, so in a roundabout way they care because they want me healthy and want a Mom who can do things with them. But in fact, I don't have close friends who live near me. I don't go to social groups or knitting night or church or anything, and I have, in essence, isolated myself for the past 3 1/2 years of my life (starting with my daughter's medical needs which included isolation for quite some time). Now I am losing weight and no one around me notices or cares. Up 20 pounds, down 20 pounds...no one notices but me. Heck, I lost 50 pounds before my husband even noticed. I get very little feedback of any type.

And so, lest you all say "what are we?? Chopped liver??" let me emphasize that pretty much THE ONLY cheering on, positive feedback, and encouragement I get is from you. Right here on this blog and on the message boards I frequent. ALL of my support system is online. And it is a fantastic support system, don't get me wrong. I don't think I would have made it this far without you guys. If only I could force you all to move West and be my neighbors, so we could have a Blog-neighborhood and sit down together every day for tea, and say, "oh, don't you look nice today? How are things?" and go for walks together. If only. What scares me is that when I shut my laptop, my entire support system shuts, too. I know you're all still out there, but if there was no Internet access I would be utterly alone. And that really scares me.

I'm not quite sure what to do about this... but I have got to get some kind of in-person feedback/friendship system going. I *need* you guys. I love what we have here. But imagine if you had no husband, no sister, no mom or dad or best friend or coworker, no one EVER looking at you and noticing the changes, no one commenting, no one to laugh with and no one to notice the new, cute, smaller outfit you're so proud to be wearing. It's lonely. Maybe there are more folks like me out there. And we totally depend on our online friends to fill that space.

I think I need the human touch, too. To look into someones eyes, to have my voice heard and not just typed. I want to hear laughter and feel a hug and know someone is there... I just want to feel connected HERE and not just online.

I totally don't want to minimize the importance of my online friends. I would just shrivel up and DIE without your support right now! If I come across as really lonely, well, I am, right now. I want to fix it. I hope I can figure it out. But for now, I am just going to keep doing the best I can, for me and for my health, and I'll keep leaning on you guys for the support I need. Thank you.

61 comments:

Sarah said...

Hi Lyn-- glad to see you posted, I had noticed it had been a few days. You'll see my comment earlier this evening on your last post. I wouldn't be able to pick you out of a crowd, but on the internet, you are missed.

I hear the lament in your post, but you are strong enough to do this for yourself. And do it now. Life continues to change.... you won't always be isolated and lonely. Circumstances change all the time-- there will come a time when there may be a job (life after kids), or a new friend. Where will you be then?

I'm rooting for you!

~TMcGee~ said...

I have isolated myself for the last 4 1/2 years and the only person that I have hurt is myself. Recently, I faced a HUGE fear of mine and met some girls from my highschool days. I was prepared for it to be horrible but instead it was one of the best nights I've had in years. I'm looking forward to meeting up with them again.
Is there anyone from your past you can re-connect with? Would you be open to a play group that might be hosted by your local public school (we have one in our district for our birth to kindergarteners).

If we lived close, I would take that walk with you, Lyn. I'd give you a hug to help with that need for physical contact and I'd laugh with you over silly things our kids have done.
And Lyn, thank you, thank you for being here for us. You have no idea how inspiring you are to so many of us.
God bless you my friend.

Acting Skinny said...

Hi, I think you're doing absolutely great.
I've just started seriously trying to lose weight. I've tried before, but, you know, it didn't work. I'm 217 pounds right now. And I'm really inspired by how much weight you've lost. I just hope I can be as strong.

I'm going to do the following thing, even though I still find the term kind of weird.

I'm totally rooting for you!!

somebodys mother said...

Although I am fortunate to have family and friends around, most of my healthy lifestyle support is here as well. I feel that many of those closest to me have a tendency to toss their own body image/weight issues on me. This is not helpful. That being said I totally understand wanting the feedback from others standing in front of you. This weekend I went to an annual event for an organization I belong to. Since some of the weight has come off I could fit into some of my cuter clothes. (Hello skirts above the knee!) I felt great walking in there. I felt confident, I mingled, I laughed, I had a great time because I expected to. Yes I received compliments on how I looked. The well meaning jokes (OMG you have legs!)Yes I loved it. What I loved most was how I felt about me. Having things in my life that I do just for me, and friends that I spend time with is very important to me. Find something you are passionate about and go join. Perhaps a healthy cooking at a local hospital? The arts? An environmental group? Get out there whatever you do they will be lucky to have you. I finally listened to my mouthy teenagers and 'got a life'. When I started having a life I became a better person, a better mom a better wife. I deserve to have a good life full of good people. You deserve to have one too.

katie ann said...

There are always people looking for strictly platonic friends on Craigslist, and it seems like so many of them just want a walking/exercising buddy. It'd be scary to have to put yourself out there like that, but at least you know you'd both be in the same boat.

Ria said...

Congratulations on finishing a rough month with a loss, Lyn. You rock!

I wish there were a way to make your "blog-neighborhood" a reality . . . it sounds like fun. In the meantime, I hope you're able to find some "you time" to take a class, join a book club or do whatever else may help you find some in-person connections. I'm sure the gals/guys you meet will enjoy your honesty and insights as much as your online friends do.

Jim Purdy said...

Lyn, your accomplishments (and your honesty about your struggles) have been an inspiration to many thousands of people trying to lose weight. Although you don't often see us in person, you've made a difference to people all over the world. Your impact has been real, and rest assured that people all over are rooting for you.

Very best wishes to you.

Blue said...

What you described is my reality. I have agoraphobia and social anxiety; I leave my house once a month, max. I don't have friends. I work from home. No kids. The only people in my life are a couple family members and doggies who could care less what I looked like.

I can understand the longing for someone who cares. I know what that's like. I can't even get that online; like most socially anxious people, my anxiety knows no borders and I get just as panicked writing an email as I do speaking in front of a crowd. It is a lonely life.

I've turned that loneliness, desperation and pain into motivation. I'm SO tired of living this way - tired of feeling like crap mentally and physically and I'll do my damnedest to make sure I get healthier and live a better, more fulfilling life. I know I deserve that and that's what drives me now. We deserve to live the life we want and we should pursue it with all we have. YOU can do this Lyn.

...On a lighter note, congrats on the size 18's!

El Jo said...

Lyn,
There are so many people out where you live who are about to get the blessing of their lives to know you and to have the honor of being your friends. You have so many wonderful gifts to give in relationships.

Anonymous said...

Lyn, I notice you and I do care. First trip to Australia you are coming to stay with me! So proud of you. Take care. Carol

Hanlie said...

I know what you mean! It's hard with little kids, but it really helps to get some sort of social life going.

Have you got Skype? I'm sure many of your readers would love to chat face to face with you from time to time, myself included (although we have quite a time difference.

I started isolating myself when I first gained weight and there are times when I don't want to see anyone except my husband. And since I don't work either, I easily could (at least for a while). So I have to guard against that all the time.

Your life is now - big or small! Don't wait until you're thin, and acceptable in your own eyes, before you start living the life you want.

Bethany said...

Hey Lyn,
Have you ever thought about attending some kind of weight loss support group or something? I don't know--that may not be your cup of tea, but it might be a way to meet some people who are in the same boat. I know you have limited time, though, as a mom, so maybe it could even be some kind of playgroup for your daughter or something. I know most of my support group is my family and church friends, so I haven't ever really tried to seek outside help (with the exception of Weight Watchers meetings, I guess...)

I really feel badly that you are so isolated! I'm not physically isolated, but I do feel emotionally isolated at times, just because I withdraw so much because of my self-consciousness. Anyway, regardless, we are here, and we are wishing you well in every way. I really hope you are able to find some "real life" support, because I know that would help alleviate some of your loneliness. You're in my thoughts! *Hugs*
Bethany

jo said...

"Maybe there are more folks like me out there. And we totally depend on our online friends to fill that space."

Yup, I'm there with you. That's why I just started my blog. My DH cares, but not really. No one else. I chose not to tell my cousin because she is weird about food and lectures me with her unhealhty ways...

I have no friends where I live. I know a lot of people, but no real friends. It is lonely.

Bottom line, though, is I have to care about myself...as do you. Obviously you do!

Congrats on your loss this month.

globalmom said...

Lyn--thanks for posting about this. I do relate, because I don't think anyone in my "real world" social circle can relate to me about the whole weight loss/food issue thing. I also do not have a lot of close friends, since we recently moved overseas and I work full time. I'm a lot like you in that I depend on the online connection for fellowship. Thanks for being there for me!

Kristin

debby said...

Lyn, You are right. The online community is a terrific support group. When I posted about losing my dog, I was able to voice my feelings more honestly than I could in person, and the support people gave me was very meaningful to me. But I really believe that we were created to live in community, and even when it is frustrating and disappointing, there is no substitute for flesh and blood friends.

I don't know your life, but I hope you find a way to meet and interact with people around you.

Congrats on the size 18's. That is a great day!

moonduster said...

(((hugs))) I have moved 7,000 miles away from the family I love and the friends I went out with. Making friends in a new place and as a mom of many has not been easy, so I know where you're coming from with this. (((hugs)))

Chubby Chick said...

I SO know how you feel, Lyn. I rarely leave the house, and there have literally been weeks at a time when the only person I saw was my husband. And he's not really that supportive. He rarely comments when he sees me losing weight. Of course... I haven't really been losing that much lately.

2 years ago we moved 600 miles from all my family, and that totally contributed to some minor depression and major weight gain. I am slowly trying to fight my way out of this less-than-fulfilling life that I currently have. And step one is just losing this weight so I can feel comfortable getting out in public again.

I would be terribly lonely without my online buddies, too. Even thought I don't know any of you all in person... I feel like I "know" you... and everyone's support is so important to me, too.

Have you ever thought about joining Weight Watchers? I bet you would make lots of friends and gain lots of support if you did. It's worth looking into.

Hang in there. You are not alone. Brighter days are ahead! :)

xo,
C.C.

Scale Junkie said...

I completely know how you feel. I haven't worked in an office for over 2 years and its very isolating. In the past few months I've met up with two bloggers who live in my area for coffee, we try to do it once a month, its not a lot but its something. Where do you live? There must be people reading this blog who live near you...why can't you live in the Tampa area, I'd make you hang out with us!

What about taking a class at your local college or adult education center? Photography? Painting? Mom's day out group? Something...anything to get you out and mingling with people again.

Its not about the weight its just about human contact. In the mean time, email me any time, we can chat.

Betsey C. said...

A very interesting post -- something I never thought about. I leave the house to go to work every day, so I don't have a problem with isolating at home. Would I care about my weight if nobody saw me? I think I would, because it is so darned painful even to do something as simple as putting on my socks. I practically suffocate myself!

Hey Lyn, where do you live? I live in Chicago. I hope you can feel the cyber-love we all have for you! I always look forward to your posts.

spunkysuzi said...

"hugs"
I also have really no family left but my husband and children who both moved away last year!
Now i do get out to work and i do volunteer work but i also feel most of the time i'm on my own!
And your right we get a lot of support online but it's a different kind of support.
Is there a community centre near you where you could meet others. Some have tea get together's weekly. Hope you find what you need. And in the mean time we are here for you :)

Skinny Inside said...

Lyn, I can so relate to this post, as I can to much of your writing. Something I wonder about is this: Have I created this life of isolation because of my weight and food issues or have those created the isolation? I think they go hand in hand, but can't help but think the food issues are the root of the problem. Bingeing in private demands isolation, right? Seems like this is something Dr. Phil would say, but maybe we need to change our environment (stop isolating ourselves) in order to change our lives (lose weight/get healthy/be happy). I know it's easier said than done, I live so far away, and don't speak the language. I also don't like it here, so that makes it difficult for me to relate to the locals. Many expats have experienced similar things, but the expat community seems to be divided into those who fully integrate (become a local-and I'm just not up for that) and those who hate it (yes, that's me, but I don't need more negativity). Now, reading this...I see that it's just another excuse to not change my ways. We get up and exercise, we changed our foods, now maybe we need to get out and make some healthy friendships!! hugs to you, as always!

Doug said...

Congrats on the loss. And on how crazy far you've come. If you go shake what god gave you I'll cheer you on :)

Fab Kate said...

Lyn, that's my life. I haven't seen my closest friend, who lives 1500 miles away, in about a decade. She didn't even know how how fat I'd become. I've been estranged from my family because I didn't keep the "family secret" of abuse. I'm out here in a new place, a new city, where no one knows me because all I've done since I got here was go to the gym and go to the doctors.

No one in my RL cheers me on (except maybe one of my daughters, in her way, who says she can't wait to share a closet with me) and no one notices when I lose weight. Heck, when I left my old gym, no one even called to see if I was ok when I quit coming.

I know online friends and support are not the same. Damn, some days it would be good to have some company... have someone come over to play a board game, or walk with me, or just give me a hug. But that's not going to happen until I MAKE it happen.

Maybe I'm just not ready to put myself out there, maybe I'm still too afraid with my weight, Maybe I'm still afraid of rejection, but there you have it.

I'm sure the support you get here is a little help, you should be aware of not only your regular readership commenting, but the amount of support some of your online friends are rallying among the Weight Loss Community.

We may be a different kind of relationship, but it's something. I know there are some days it's what keeps me going.

seesaraheat said...

Congrats on your 8 lb loss in March. Wouldn't it be cool if all of us bloggers could move into one neighborhood and talk about food, recipes and exercise in person?! People would think we were nuts, haha. Perhaps you should look into joining a club or visiting a church sometime. If you were here in KY, I would definitely invite you to mine, its where I've met the most people in recent years since I'm not really friends with anyone from high school anymore (just lost touch). Good luck to you this week.

Zin said...

Lyn:

At this point, your body weight is not your number 1 problem. You need to re-build your life and the weight will come off.

Is there anyway you can get a part time job..for example, 2-3 hrs a day? It will not bring in money, but it will get you out of the house. To me, that seems very important for you at this stage. You are facing some kind of a stagnation and losing self belief because of that. In some sense, I am facing a similar situtation and am trying to dig myself out of the pit.

You need to do this both yourself and the kids. They might not be noticing right now (too young), but sooner or later they will see mom is depressed. That is bound to have a bad effect on them. They probably see you as a rock, your weakness might make them feel somewhat lost and vulnerable.

You are a very strong woman and will come out of this mess very soon. For now, try looking for ways to cheer yourself up..for example, take a 2 day vacation with the kids somewhere very close (and hopefully not too expensive).

Anything that will get your mind away from the usual stuff will help you to get back to your strong and positive self.

Give yourself 3-4 years. The little one will grow up, your weight will come off and you will be able to start a new life (maybe a meaningful relationship). You are only 39. Most likely you haven't even lived half your life. You have a very long way to go. Let us make the most of that journey.

I am struggling in my own life (no job and gaining weight because of the stress ) and am trying ways to fight back.

God bless you! You can do it. We can do it.
Zin

the Bag Lady said...

Lyn - I came here because of a comment left on my blog - I can totally relate to your struggle and sense of being all alone. I live on a ranch, and my hubby works long, long hours away from home, so the chances of even accidentally bumping into someone are very slim.

The blogging community is full of wonderful, supportive people, but it can isolate you even further, because it is so much easier to just sit down at a computer than it is to force yourself to get out and connect with living beings.

I hope you can somehow find the strength to get out and connect with someone. I also think you could try sitting your husband down and telling him that you need him to support you on your weight loss journey. His response might surprise you.
Good luck to you.

Foodie McBody said...

I agree that online support can be really awesome, but nothing beats in-person love...would it be possible to express to your husband how important your weight-loss journey is to you, and that you could really use the help of a cheering section? I think some people think that love is expressed by "I love you no matter what size you are" but it can also feel like apathy, and that's hard. Anyway, you seem like a really wonderful person and I hope you will be able to find a way to meet a new friend or two as well.

Lori said...

I hear you on talking to 'real' people. I work from home, and so much of my contact with others is virtual. So I joined the Y to get out and see new faces!

Keep going Lyn, the struggle is worth it. It's good to be able to blog about it.

If you were in upstate NY - I'd meet up with you for a walk and coffee!

Karen In Tennessee said...

Lyn,
I can totally relate. Now that I am unemployed (for the first time in 32 years!) I feel more isolated and lonely than ever. I get no feedback from Ed (which is OK because I don't want him to say anything, lest it be wrong!) and I don't see anyone else ever these days. BUT, I guess the difference for me (being about 20 years older than you) is that now I am REALLY doing it for my health. Back in September I was sufficiently sick (blood sugar over 450!) that I went to the doctor even though I was totally humiliated about all my regained weight. Well, it was off and on for a while, BUT with your inspiration I have now lost 24 pounds since the ened of December and I am almost 40 pounds lighter now than when I saw my doctor 6 months ago, and have normal blood sugar!!! So, I guess the answer for me is that I can only do it for myself...but feeling better about myself when I see other people (especially my doctor in the next couple weeks) is just a bonus. :)

Hang in there! You are SO worth it!

Dinah Soar said...

To qoute the Holy Writ: "He that hath friends must show himself friendly".

You have online friends because you put yourself 'out there'. If you want in person friends you must do the same. I know how hard it is...and scary. We all fear rejection. Many of us imagine no one would want to be our friend if they really knew us.

Could you take a class somehwere? Could you go to church? What about PTA?--if there is one at your kids' school, you could join it, possibly get on a committee and get to know other women through that.

What about getting a part-time job just so you can get out of the house? The older kids are in school during the day. Even if your earnings only covered your daughters day care or preschool while you worked, you'd still have contact with others, some esprit de corp among co-workers. Or is there some volunteer work you could do a couple of hours a week?

Could you invite someone over for coffee? or tea? or to go for a walk?

I've often felt isolated in the past for various reason and I always pray, ask God for one friend...and he's always provided that.

One time we'd just moved for work and I was lonely--and dealing with cancer recovery--and I told the Lord I was lonely and needed a friend--please send me a friend. The words were no sooner out of my mouth and my doorbell rang. It was a neighbor across the street--she invited me to come for supper that night (my husband worked 2nd shift). I marveled and reflected on the verse in the Bible "call unto me and I will answer thee and show thee great and mighty things that thou knowest not." That was the beginning of a wonderful friendship with a wonderful family.

You have longings and desires, you have needs. You can make the effort to grab for the brass ring..but don't forget to ask God for his help too. He is a big God but he cares about what we call the little things.

So work toward and pray for what you have need of, what you desire--do it in faith, believing that good things--yea better things-- are possible.

Karen said...

Hi Lyn,

First of all, congrats on the loss this month! :-)

Secondly, I really feel for your situation. Luckily, I have a fairly wide support system off line and (adult) people I can talk to each day, but there have been times when I have felt *SO* isolated and alone and it's a sucky feeling.

It's so hard to make friends, and especially to acquire the kind of friends you can share things with, when you're an adult. I don't really have any suggestions about how to do that, except to maybe try Overeaters Anonymous or something (just to meet people in your area if nothing else) or Weight Watchers. You would get some real life weightloss support, PLUS you can maybe make a few friends that you can hang out with and talk to in general too.

But in the meantime, you will always have us to support you and give you feedback. It's no substitution for real companionship, but we all do care ab you!

Mary said...

Lyn-

It's hard to make new real life friends as an adult! I've met some great friends through volunteer work. Maybe you could walk dogs somewhere (get some exercise in, too!) and possibly meet people that way? Or become a bunny socializer if the walking would hurt your knees?

I also think you hit the nail on the head with your kids not caring if you're fat, but they do care if you're healthy and they love it when you're able to do more active things with them. I'm constantly nagging my mom to exercise because I want her around for a long time! I know there are people who feel the same way about you, even if they've never expressed it.

Carol said...

I understand what you're saying. You are very fortunate to have this "virtual" support. But really, a spouse should be able to provide support and positive feedback for ANYTHING that is important to you (I'm hearing a lack of sincerity on his part to put the relationship back together). I think you need to think about your needs and NOT SETTLE for anything less! Cuz as the old saying goes, "If mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy". You know what you need, now go get it!

♥ Dee ♥ said...

Okay, I didn't read the comments, so if I'm repeating anything, please forgive me.

Check out your local library. Is there a reading club? Local coffee shops... any clubs that meet? Is there a chess club in town? Do you want to learn anything? How about joining a class? Meeting people there?

Does your community offer any children's activities where you can meet and hang out with other moms?

What about starting your own club? Your own reading club? Your own coffee clutch? Advertise on Craigslist your dilemma and I'm sure you will find others in your boat, dying to meet others and have someone to relate to.

That's all I can think of right now. I wish you luck!

VeeGettingHealthy said...

Almost all of my support system is online too. Tween thinks I'm beautiful and wonderful. Hubby thinks I'm perfect even at 276 lbs (which he doesn't know - the number I mean) but he's kinda supportive. I get out of the house a couple of times a week and hear the opposite of compliments and support from people disgusted by my huge appearance. That doesn't help.

It is very hard to do this basically by self, and find I really need to see those comments on my blog to keep me honest and keep blogging and keep going.

I really need my online support. Thanks. Vee at www.veegettinghealthy.blogspot.com

Heather's House said...

Hi Lyn, congrats on the size 18 pants. Awesome! It sounds to me as though you are depressed. You might not think you are but really take a hard look at it. Depression makes it very difficult to lose weight. Although you are doing great, you still struggle quite a bit. Do you live in an area where you can just take the kids to the park or go for a walk around the neighbourhood? There must be other parents around and I'm sure they'd love to get to know you. Try to make some time just for you. Maybe join a gym or Y if you can afford it. I'm sure you'll find lots of people out there just like you who are looking for friendship as well.

Good luck and feel better soon. By the way Lyn ... your comment "I don't work" is all wrong. You are a wife, mother and homemaker. You work all the time, on call 24 hours a day. That in itself is sometimes harder than going out the door to an 8-4 job.

Keep up the good work....

Heather

Anonymous said...

Lyn,

Although I work outside the home, I don't have much of a social life, either. My husband does not comment on my weight one way or another, (which I actually appreciate)and my sister who was my support system moved 500 miles away a couple years ago. Anyway, I have found great weightloss support through weightwatchers. Although I don't really follow the program (I have my own modified healthy eating, not diet program) it is nice to have my weightwatchers friends and leader to cheer me on every week. Perhaps you can find a meeting that has daycare? Most meetings are less than an hour, but I think that the connection with other people might be a huge emotional help. Thank you for sharing so much of yourself through your blog. Blessings to you and your family.

Anonymous said...

Thank you for your honesty in your posts. You really hit a chord with so many people. The comments offer some great thoughts. The two that closest to home are

(1) The strong possibility that you may be depressed. You have got a tremendous amount going on. The issues in your marriage alone are enough to throw someone off track, and it sounds like your little girl has some health issues.

(2) Exploring some options for meeting like-minded people. I second the commenter who suggested Overeaters' Anonymous. It's a 12-step program patterned on AA. You have to get a sponsor, who will be your guide, and the folks at the meetings are very open and approachable. It's also pretty much free (contributions are accepted at each meeting). WW is also great, but more expensive, and more focused solely on the weight loss side of things.

Good luck!

Gigi said...

I know just what you're going through.

Lady Downsize! said...

I wonder how much of this is attributed to the wintertime blues? Although my circumstances differ from yours, the feeling for me and the loneliness you speak of are truly real. I have family, but they are far away, and the ones closer to me can be far too judgemental about everything. I go to work everyday, but there is no freindship outside of work, though I notice in conversation how interactions take place outside work. Why is it different for me?
I go to church, but have no social interaction from there, but again I notice the same thing in others.

I have a dear friend, but she's often too busy for me and doesn't answer the phone. I do understand the loneliness, and another level of emptiness from simply being excluded where others are not. It makes me feel like a defect.

These are things I've always struggled with. For me interacting with is difficult, and like you mentioned, I just don't know how to meet new people socially, or where. The emptiness is like an neverending ache, and I find sometimes I compensate, or comfort it, with food. It doesn't work, and on bad days I'll keep trying and eat more. I wish I had some suggestions for you. Unfortunately, I too look for answers to obliterating the empty silence loneliness provides.

Leigh said...

Hey Lyn,
i found your blog through a blog.. but we have SO MUCH in common... i started at 275.. when I weight this morning I was 239.. trying to get down to 160, and I can do it, I also use sparkpeople.com and LOVE it! You are such an inspiration, yes I read your blog from beginning to end and LOVE it! keep up the good work!

Sassle said...

Lyn, I want to thank you for everything you have done to inspire me. The fact that you feel lonely and isolated breaks my heart. I can sort of relate from a past experience but I have since joined a 12 step program where I am surrounded by friends who love and support me. Perhaps there is such a group for you out there, its amazing their healing abilities to belong to such groups and it's free too.

Do you want my phone number, I will be more then happy to share it with you all you need to do is ask and I will send it to you.

I agree with what's been said, do it for you. I also know somedays and even weeks, life sucks and we just have to get over those obstacles and we come out stronger and better. This just might be that time for you.

Hugs to you, if you need me or anybody here let us know. Someone might actually be close by who follows your blog, who knows?.

Sassle

Kimberly said...

Lyn, you are so right. We are all human beings and need that personal interaction in our lives. We need that feedback. If I didn't have that in my life I don't think I would have been as successful as I have been.

I love your blog. You are so open and honest about your journey. I am trying to do the same and not just report on the good stuff. You are one such resource for me even if I don't comment all the time.

I remember years ago when I isolated myself I became so depressed that I had to seek help. It was that dark. Now my rule is that I don't go more than 2 days without leaving my house. That requires me to do my hair and care about what I am wearing. So I completely get where you are coming from in saying you need real human interaction. It is a MUST in my own life too.

Amy said...

I joined my local Y which helps give me friends outside of my close circle of church friends (great group of friends, but insular). Folks at the Y get my struggles with weight. I go in the late mornings and it's mostly older folks and SAHM's.

Yes, there's a fee, but they have a good Scholarship program for families, and if I recal my friend's application, there's a place to write why you need the scholarship, and I think your story would totally blow them away.

Worth a shot! Oh, and the childcare while I'm at the Y really helps my sanity.

Putting yourself out there for friendship with real-life people is hard, but necessary for a balanced life.

Star said...

I noticed you said you were on the west coast. Well i am as well im in good ol' California (home of the Governator heehee) more specifically in Sacramento if you are anywhere near there I could always use a friend who is going through the same type of struggles with weight.
The other option is to maybe find a group of something that interests you doesnt have to be weightloss related that you can go to and meet people.

new*me said...

Thanks for your support too Lyn. And yes, if I was the only one around who saw me.........I would still care because the way I "feel" now is soooooo much better than a year ago.....so it's not so much about the looking better for me as it is the "feeling better ;)"

Lynne said...

Hi Lyn - I don't know where I would be without the YMCA. A SAHM can have free babysitting for up to2 hours in order to workout. I've been a member since my daughter was months old and it is by far the best thing I have done for myself. It is 90% non-competitive (I can't say I have never been annoyed by the "thong club"; our name for the super skinny wannabe 'Wives of Orange County'). There have been MANY times that I went to the Y so I could shower as long as I wanted to ALONE, or sit in the sauna, or heaven forbid sit in the lounge area and read a magazine. I worked out alot too and met tons of new friends; people that miss me when I'm not at class, people that notice when I am losing weight...My husband doesn't care, he never goes to my races to cheer me on. He loves me, just doesn't seem to recognize the importance of these things to me. That is him - I move on, THIS healthy thing I am doing is for ME and noone else. If I can associate with like-minded people and gain strength from their caring support and shared committment, I am all the better. You should check it out. Come out of your shell. I've been there. When I first left work with baby #1 I spent the better part of a year alone. Days when I would talk to noone but my husband and child. It was not healthy. I know better. And yes, I am blessed to have 2 awesome sisters fairly close, and a mom... there are days that I want to hibernate. Again, not healthy. Humans are social beings.

AND If I lived on the west coast, I would indeed have you over for coffee!!!I think you are a strong and giving person who deserves the very best life has to offer.

phelpsvj said...

I found your blog about 2 weeks ago- this is my 1st comment. I completely understand what you are feeling here. This is a sole reason i started looking at every weight loss blog i could find. I desperately need support and I feel i have none. By reading everyones stories here in the blogs it has brought me great comfort. So please know there are alot of people out there who appreciate you writing all about it. I just started seriously loosing weight and only 3 people have said anything to me. I have a handful of friends and close coworkers, MY MOTHER!!!- but nothing, not one word. I have lost 80 pounds!!!! Some days I just want to scream it out loud that I've lost this weight. I often struggle with caring for myself- this has proven to me that I am strong- even though I am alone in this.
I can do this and so can you. *internet hug*

Fat 2 Fit said...

I can so much relate to this in many ways. My parents are both deceased. I have two sisters that live here, but are skinny minny's and don't seem to care about my weight loss or weight loss journey. While my husband is very supportive he is the thinnest man in the world and I often feel like he can't truly understand my weight lost struggle. I have co-workers, but I normally don't like to discuss my weight issues with them for fear they will pass judgments. All of my friends I have basically ran away from me as I never wanted to do anything with them, to go places with them because of my weight. It is scary...but I will lose the weight for me, as I am sure you will too.

Here's a cyber hug from me to you.
****HUGS****

Robin said...

I have a weight loss blog at dittodisc.blogger.com and was recently sent a comment by a fellow named Jim Purdy with a link to your site.
Now I don't mind people reading my blog, that's what it's there for, but it's pretty rude for someone you know to post a link so you can get some advertising - and he doesn't even bother to read or comment on the blog he's spamming.
Please tell your follows who are doing this to at least take a moment and read the other persons blog first and make some comment.

No one likes spam!

From Robin at dittodisc.blogger.com

Heather said...

congrats! I think you had a great month. and ultimately, I think you need to find support within yourself. sure, it helps to have outside support, but its you and you alone who has to do this, and you only report to yourself. if you do it for others or dont want to let others down, then its hard when you are on your own.

Lyn said...

Robin~

I was made aware of this person leaving those comments this morning. I do not know that person and I immediately emailed him and asked him to stop. I did NOT approve of his spamming blogs with my address. If anyone else has gotten comments from him, please delete them immediately. When I asked him to stop, he deleted his blog and disappeared.

Shelley said...

It seems like there are a lot of us who tend to treat loneliness with isolation. You are not alone, my friend...but we do need to get you some human contact outside of the house!

Hugs to you.

Deb said...

I can understand what you are feeling. For different reasons than you do, I also feel lonely alot. I think we start our blogs as a way to connect to others who are going through the same things we are. But you are right, as wonderful as it is, it is not a substitute for a real life hug from a dear friend.

I hope you will find a way to start building that flesh and blood network you are craving.

Maybe you could join a gym and take an exercise class while your kids are at school? I know you love cooking, maybe there is a cooking class where you are. Or there is a really cool website called meetup.com. You use it to search for different groups in your area whatever your interests are. I haven't had time to be very active with that lately but in the past I found a really great book club, a women's social group who got together for dinner, movies, game nights, etc. There is alot out there. You might check it out.

Juice said...

Lyn, I wish we lived in the same town - I'd love to be your real-life friend! If you are anywhere near the mid-Atlantic let me know. :) All the best to you.

Anonymous said...

Hi Lyn. I love your blog. I'm so glad 'The Anti-Jared' directed me to you. I saw a couple posts suggesting Overeaters Anonymous. My therapist suggested OA to me because I had isolated myself and I am so glad she did. I have been in a small group for over two months and it is awesome to connect with people who get you. Good luck, whatever you choose to do.

wakati said...

Lyn, you are indeed loved and supported. Not just by this beautiful online community, but by a Source beyond sight or sound.

I've been where you are and I had a job and a husband and family I saw every 6 months. I still felt utterly lonely. I found solace in the online world. It's probably because I felt I could be myself completely here.

Keep talking to us, but venture out also. You can start with a local Mommy and Me group or Walking Meetup. Meetup.com is great place to start.

Anonymous said...

Oh my goodness....look at all of your comments. I know you said you see it, but really 58 comments so far! AMAZING!!! I know you feel alone and isolated and I know that is hard, but try if you can to see all of these people that you have been able to touch. I like you always feel alone and if I disappeared who would even notice or care...I think a lot would like me to. YOU are a remarkable human being and you should be so proud of yourself on so many fronts. From your husband, to your daughter, your other children, your daily struggles are hard and to lose weight in all of that. WOW!! Your blog is a daily thought for me...I've been trying to lose weight for 10 years and feeling alone it is hard, but your blog keeps me on track..I love everything you do from the vegetable stands..the recipes...the exercise...the water...the great weight loss..the humor...the mess ups...the good times and the bad ones. You keep me going and I don't want to sound preachy..but God is there for you..and I know it's hard when there's no one to really hug you..I know I've needed one for 40 years! I just push on each day with the love of my children in my mind.
It's hard for me everyday..EVERYDAY..but I know there is a plan for us in this world and maybe we don't see if now..but all that you do has a purpose and if you keep pushing on you will see it come~ SMILE!! :)

You can do it..you are a wonderful person...I mean I couldn't could 58 online friends to email me~! I know you will meet some friends in person soon..I can feel it. :)

Lyn said...

You're so right, Anonymouos, I am very blessed! And obviously, not alone. I think you ALL for caring and for the great suggestions. I made a text document and pasted in all the suggestions and have been looking into them (so far I am looking at Meetup.com and found out the YMCA doesnt have a gym or anything here). I will go down the list one by one until I find my place... and I will let you all know when that happens!

MJ said...

I could have written the exact same post yesterday....it was exactly what I was thinking about myself.

I hate the isolation, but it is my safety net.

Aren't kids wonderful...mine are grown and they just love me for me. They don't care about my weight. Maybe they should! My husband it the same....no response either way. I love him and he is wonderful - but come on...some support please!

CoffeeMug said...

It's a sad fact of human nature that people are more likely to think their kind thoughts about others than voice them, and the reverse of negative thoughts.

I'm sure your husband, children, and acquaintances notice more than you think. Your weight loss is pretty dramatic, and looks great!