Tuesday, March 3, 2009

I'm Not Fat

I woke up this morning to a screaming toddler and a splitting headache. I'm not even really sure which came first. My daughter is a real morning person; no matter how dark it is or how early or late she goes to bed, she is up by 6, ready to go. This morning she played in my bed while I tried to wake up, and then she rushed out to the living room just in time to see her big brother going out the door to high school. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! COME BACK!!!!!" she shrieked. (She doesn't do well with people leaving). He came back and hugged her and tried to talk her down, but she just got louder, and louder, and louder. "He has to go to school honey," I explained, as if she wasn't told this every weekday for the past 6 months. But the screaming tantrum continued. And my head felt like it was breaking in two. Finally I had to put her on time out, so she could calm herself down. After 3 minutes she hopped off the chair and smiled and said, "can you make me some buttered toast, please?" Sweet as can be, blonde hair hanging in her eyes and a huge smile. Ahhh, 3 year olds.

I've been staggering around again trying to get my footing now that my husband is gone again. It seems like every time he comes or goes, I go off my rocker a bit. I should know better. He was here for two weeks and I got into a great schedule. I walked every day while he watched our daughter. I rode my bike every day, cooked healthy, did everything right. He leaves and I end up tripping over myself trying to find a way to exercise without him. As if I never have had to do it before.

It was really cold and I couldn't take my daughter out.
She can't walk far or fast, so any walks are slow and short.
I got the brilliant idea to buy her a little bike with training wheels so she could ride alongside me and I could walk! She was so excited and we got the bike and... then it rained for days. We haven't even used it yet!
I could have just switched my indoor bike rides from morning to night (when she is in bed) but the excuses kick in: I'm too tired. I don't wanna. She might wake up and I need to be close by. I'd rather eat cookies.

Enough with that, I have to exercise to lose weight. Today's goal: get back into the habit. If it isn't raining, I'll walk with her on the bike. And no matter what, I will bike.

Being fat sucks the life out of me. But when I am exercising and eating healthy, I am not fat anymore. Sure, I weigh a lot, but I am not that fat person with no energy anymore. I am strong and happy and determined. I am shaping who I want to be, and I don't have to wait until I lose 100 pounds to stop being fat.

It's a great day to change your life! Let's get to it.

27 comments:

jen said...

I just found your blog (Tony aka AntiJared mentioned you and I had to check it out!!)

I like what I have seen so far and I think you are doing amazing!!

I am not sure why your husband leaves (I am figuring it is a work thing) but I can imagine that it sucks! I couldn't imagine Big Man leaving me for weeks at a time.

Anyway, I need to lose weight as well. And I know I need to get moving to do that. I read a bunch of blogs and tweets about giving things up for lent - instead I am challenging myself to "Let's Get Physical" for 30 minutes everyday. I want to see how many days in a row I can move....

join me?

sorry this is soo long!

Lucrecia said...

SO very true! When I'm on plan and eating healthy I feel wonderful! Even though at this exact same weight a few months ago I felt like a slob. Interesting!

Also wanted to mention how impressed I am by your son. So many teens would just keep walking or make some snarky remark to their toddler sibling!

p. potter said...

Lyn-

Fat is truly a state of mind. Even when I lost weight I still felt fat because I hadn't let go of everything I felt while I was fat.

You know how you can look at yourself sometimes and think, "wow, I'm kinda cute and slim today, aren't I?" Supplementing that with exercise and good food choices gives you the thin mindset. If you feel thin you're more likely to continue on your way to being thin.

Fat isn't just about physical size, it's also about how we think of ourselves and present that image to the world. I'm very proud of you for acknowledging that the lifestyle you're leading isn't fat. Which means you're not fat, either.

Bravo!

Tracy said...

I know exactly what you mean! When I'm on plan and exercising, I don't feel my nearly 300 pounds. I feel graceful and energetic. You'd think that would be enough to keep me on the straight and narrow--Ha!


I feel for you on the toddler front. I have a two and three year old and their changeable moods are such fun!

♥ Dee ♥ said...

Dance! I haven't met a three year old yet that can resist hopping around the living room being silly, shaking their bum!

Doug said...

Hell yea.

~ugly girl with a beautiful heart~ said...

I don't know if it's just the winter blues or what but I've found that I'm far more tired now than I've ever been, and that's 55+ lbs down! Am I doing something wrong?

Take care on getting that exercise in, the little'uns can usually take care of themselves in their playroom or whatever while mum gets a workout in. My four year old is great that way.

Logtar said...

Coming via AntiJared also!

Great attitude! Keep it up :)

anastasia said...

it's gotta be hard essentially finding yourself as a single parent.

it's so easy to come up with the excuses to not exercise cos lets face it, mornings are beter. evenings mean getting through the whole day and still having the energy to do the exercise but you know, you'll feel so much better if you do it!

good luck

antgirl said...

I feel oogy and pudgey if I don't get enough exercise. It's probably in my head, but I do feel much better mentally & physiclaly when I do exercise regularly.

Tina said...

Today I was shopping for clothes and after 2 weeks on Weight Watchers I didn't feel fat even though I was shopping for fat clothes. The energy is amazing. Why we ever do any different I will never know! You're doing a great job!

Juice said...

Amen to this. It is 99% in our heads! Hoping that you can get back on the exercise wagon. Hmm, speaking of, I need to get myself back on that wagon. Thanks for the reminder.

Nat said...

Lyn, I'm from Oregon so we do everything in the rain! We didn't have much money when I had toddlers so I couldn't afford a running stroller so I loaded them up in a regular stroler with coats, blankets-whatever I could to kindof keep them dry. And I walked.....and walked! I got the weight off then, unfortunately I but it back on 10 years later. But just get outside! It will help!

Karyn said...

"Sure, I weigh a lot, but I am not that fat person with no energy anymore. I am strong and happy and determined. I am shaping who I want to be, and I don't have to wait until I lose 100 pounds to stop being fat."

I love this.....you have come a long way, Lyn and these words prove it!

The best thing about changing your life is that you DON'T have to wait to lose all the weight to become a different person. You are proving that with every post!

Mary said...

Lyn,

Thanks for the nice comment :) Different places have different policies, so you never know!

At the parrot rescue where I volunteer, younger kids often do come along with their moms. It doesn't hurt to ask!

I read you every day but rarely comment. You are very inspiring and I know you can succeed!

I lost around 50 pounds 14 years ago and have kept it off. The mental aspect of everything took me a long time to get straight. But I think you're further along with that than I was :)

Meg said...

You are so amazing, Lyn!

Fat 2 Fit said...

Your blog draws me in. I love how you convey your message via storytelling. Hugs to your daughter.

I totally understand not wanting to have to lose 100 lbs to be consider skinny, but it looks like it will take for me to view myself as 'not fat'.

I am sticking to it, one day at a time...oh yeah, you look wonderful.

Kimberly said...

I feel the same way. I still have a little under a hundred pounds to lose but I don't feel fat any longer. I feel hopeful and energetic and alive.

I'm glad you seem to be in better spirits.

IRJessica said...

I love your blog so much. You are so smart and funny! After following you a little while I finally checked out some of your photos. Your progress has been amazing. I love your jokes about being headless- and totally get it. I love having an internet group of friends with no embarrassment. If I relapse, they encourage, when I win, they cheer.

I'm having trouble getting some activity in too. I'm about to grab a video or two. Have you already tried that?

Melissa said...

You put how I feel into words. That's amazing. Thank you.

Lynne said...

Great attitude adjustment! The stars will never align to allow for a perfect schedule. Life just flows and we need to adapt our bodies to welcome change and expect that the unexpected will happen. Making your exercise a non-negotiable item (like showers and teeth brushing)will make sure that no matter what you will get your ride in; or your walk in! What a great example to set for your daughter!

moonduster said...

I love the positive attitude you have going for you now! :)

Honib1 said...

You so rock Lyn, I think you know that though.. I like how you figure it out.. and commit to it.. it is inspiring and honest.. and that is why i so enjoy visiting your blog~!

Hanlie said...

I also find that I like the me who works out and eats healty much more than the me who lounges around and stuffs her face. It's a great thing to remind myself of all the time!

I just want a CUPCAKE! said...

"In other words, if what you are doing *right now* is not conducive to weight loss, stop it and do something that is."

Thank you for that...just what I needed. ;0)

Ria said...

I love this concept. Lyn, you *really* should write a book :)

Sheila said...

Your husband doesn't notice when you lose weight and is gone a lot. This sounds sad to me and I don't know how you do it. You're a strong person. My husband "didn't notice" when I lost weight either, so I know how that feels. Who knows if they really don't notice, or if they are not commenting for some reason known only to them. But it's lousy.