Monday, February 16, 2009

Monday Night Update

(Second post today)
Just an update on my day:

Breakfast: Chai tea with skim milk and agave nectar, homemade breakfast burrito (Egg Beaters, spinach, turkey sausage, light cheese in a Carb Balance tortilla), 1 Clementine, and green tea.

Then I rode my bike for 30 minutes and sweated my guts out.

Snack/Lunch: 6 almonds and a can of Starbucks Mocha (I know, I know...)

Then I headed out with the kids. I actually drank that Mocha to curb me from getting junk while I was out, and it worked. We went shopping, then went to the park. It was icky and cloudy but the temp was 47 degrees so I figured we would play for 10 minutes and then move on. But we got there and the sun came out! It was chilly but we stayed and played for an hour.

Then my daughter had gotten a Valentine with a coupon for a free McDonald's ice cream cone in it. We haven't had ice cream since fall, so we headed over to McD's. I got a small soft serve vanilla cone too, just like hers, and we both enjoyed them very much (while the boys pigged out on McFlurries). BTW a small cone is 150 calories.

When we got home I made tea with milk and agave nectar.

Dinner: 1 waffle made from low fat Bisquick, topped with one spoonful of strawberries, 1 T. lite syrup, 4 ounces of 2% cottage cheese, and a CUP of fresh pineapple chunks. I had half a Clementine on the side, and one piece of bacon.

Then I lifted weights for 30 minutes. And then I sat on the bed and meditated and tried to calm myself because my heart was racing because 1) I have a followup mammogram tomorrow afternoon and I am scared to death AND have no insurance, and 2) I was nervous about an upcoming "discussion" with husband. (Which lasted a couple hours, and I guess he wants to try and reconcile, and I feel absolutely sick because I was so resigned to divorce and now I just don't know what I feel. But enough of that.) I hope, hope hope I have no cancer growth on the mammo. Pleaaaaaaaase let it be all normal and ok. I just want them to tell me I am fine and let me go home. (I know I am a baby and a whiner about this, but after the other medical stuff last year I am a little gun shy.)

Anyway, a good day with lots of activity. Total calories for today: 1308
Another good day tomorrow.


elife said...

Could you have more stress?! You did great today in spite of it. You'll be in my thoughts tomorrow, I really hope the mammo goes well. As for the marriage update, wow, you must be so confused. (hugs)

Skinny Inside said...

Good luck with the mammo tomorrow! I'll be thinking of you. You're doing so great with all the stress, you continue to be such an inspiration!

PS, don't let that hubby jerk you around emotionally, you deserve to be treated with respect and love!

Marie said...

keep us posted on the mammogram results.

Vickie said...

best wishes! we will be thinking about you!!! And sending good vibes your way!!!

Karen said...

Good luck with the mammo tomorrow -- I'm certain it will turn out fine, but I totally understanding being "gun shy" after so many medical things last year. Stay positive. :-)

Also, and I realize this is TOTALLY unsolicited advice that comes from someone who doesn't know precisely what's going on BUT: generally, it's cruel and unkind for one person in a relationship to play with the other person's emotions and it seems like that's what your husband is doing. Not 8 weeks ago, he told you he wanted a divorce and now he wants to reconcile? I know it is hard, but remember back to this one entry you wrote around Christmas, right after he told you that he wants a divorce... you said that you felt lost, but then strong, realizing that you can rely on yourself. Tap into that strength and don't let him jerk you around and make decisions FOR you. *hug*

spunkysuzi said...

I am definitely keeping you in my thoughts and prayers!
And yep i agree don't let the ex pressure you into anything you don't want to do!!

Ria said...

Congratulations on another great on-plan day - it's a great feeling to start the week with a lower-calorie day and a little wiggle room for the rest of the week.

I'm happy for you that you have the option to reconcile with your husband, if that is what you decide is best for you.

Good luck with your mammogram, I'll be thinking of you.

bbubblyb said...

Good luck with the mammogram today, I'm praying for ya. Sounds like you had a good Monday. Way to go on all the exercise.

Anonymous said...

So sorry about all the stress in your life right now. Praying that your mammogram comes back fine. *hugs*

Anonymous said...

Praying for you Lyn! Let us know how everything goes. Glad you had a good day with eating and exercise, keep it up :)

♥ Dee ♥ said...

It's okay to be scared. You are human. Control what you can, and the rest will take care of itself.

Now... I know you glossed over it, but HE WANTS TO RECONCILE?????? After putting you through all the stress and heartache and emotionally shutting you out for HOW long??

Oh, honey... I hope you are able to take a step back from this situation and take a good long hard look at what is best for you and your kids. If it's being with him, then fine, do that... but if it's not... then don't feel obligated to do anything.

This is not an easy situation. I hope the best for you, and clear thoughts and eyes open wide when you decide how you will be moving forward.

My heart is with you.

♥ Dee ♥ said...

Ria said: I'm happy for you that you have the option to reconcile with your husband, if that is what you decide is best for you.

You know what? She stated so eloquently what I am feeling, too. I'm glad the option is there for you. Being forced into a decision is not a great feeling, and losing control hurts. But having options... you do get to then decide for yourself what is best.

Carol said...

So, this man who has treated you so poorly, showed little consideration or respect, and tries to sabatoge your diet plans wants to give it another shot? Hmmmm, if it were me I wouldn't have much to think about. But, it isn't me. Make a wise decision because you are the one who will have to wear it. I've also been through the follow up mamo thing. It is very scary. My thoughts go out to you. Doesn't spouse cover you on an insurance plan?

Beckett said...

You will be in my thoughts as you go through a very nerve wrecking time:)

antgirl said...

I'll keep you in my thoughts for a great outcome. :)

PaulaMP said...

You're in my prayers, I know EXACTLY how you feel, I dread my mammos now too; I had a lumpectomy before and have lost two friends to breast cancer, so I'm always scared to death. You'll be ok, the new digitized mammo shows things they never saw before with the old version. Get through this and then worry about the husband. I hope that works out for the best, whichever way that is for you. I admit I don't like how he keeps you in limbo, up and down, it's too cruel.

mrs dorson said...

i am praying for you,lyn.

the mommo will be FINE!
and please kick the loser to the curb.

why does he want to come back NOW?

(not my business and i am not asking you to answer)
but you ask him and listen for what he DOESNT say.

and if he really cared? you would still have insurance.

sorry for ranting. i just care about you. dont know you but i do....

Meg said...

Oh wow, stress! I've got my fingers crossed that the Mamo comes out clean.

As far as the thing with your hubby, I would suggest counseling if you can swing it, having a mediator might help you sort everything out. You deserve the very best, in everything.

I continue to be amazed by your strength. I wish I could stick to my plan as well as you do when under stress. Thank you for remaining an inspiration to us all ^_^


jen said...

I hope you figure out what YOU really want -- like others here, I am concerned about DH's motives, but is it really my business? It's more important for you to think about what is right for you and the life you want to lead. Sending you lots of strength and support.

Vudu Princess said...

Just wanted to let you know I'm keeping my fingers crossed that everything will go well. I also agree with the other comments to remember how strong you are, and make decisions that are good for you, not just what seems like the right thing or are good for someone else. Not trying to butt in or anything, but just take care of yourself (which is pretty much what this whole blog is about.) xo

Once Upon A Dieter said...

I will hope and pray for the best for you. I know how you feel, too. When I was 35, and I had my first mammo, they found something. And I remember that tight feeling in my throat, the lump that would not go away until they biopsied the mass and told me NO CANCER. In your case, it's probably just a not-good-film, and they'll say, "Hey, no worries." I hope so.

And as far as hubby, I'm all the way over HERE and I wanna slap him upside the head. Seriously. Think and pray and think some more about it. If you want to reconcile and believe that he's sincere, I'll root for ya. But this is definitely a crossroads, and after what he put you through, you have the right to really give this a good think. Maybe even make a condition of counseling for reconciliation. I really want you to be happy--and if you both can be happy together, great. But this is just plain...oh, I wanna smack the man.

God bless, sweetie, and get good news soon,
The Princess

Fat Barbie said...

Good luck on your mammogram!
I'll say a prayer!

Hide those cookies said...

Could luck with the mammogram! You amaze me that you can stay focused during a time like this. You'r always an inspiration to me.

Dinah Soar said...

I feel for you Lynn..have been there, have survived breast's hard....and having no medical insurance--I can't even imagine how awful that feels..I'm hoping and praying that your mammogram is normal.

~TMcGee~ said...

First of all, I will be praying as soon as I am done typing this that your mammogram comes back normal and that you will have peace.
Secondly! knew a "secondly" was coming didn't you! lol Any time you need the curly haired bull to come visit the China shop *cracks knuckles*....well, you know where to find me on here. :-)

Meg said...

Prayers that all will be clear.

Lyn said...

Thank you all so much for your support!

As far as motives, I dunno. I know this: I am a great wife and mother. I am a good, sincere person. He was lucky to have me in his life. Time will tell what's next, but I'm no fool.

Insurance: HE still has insurance, but I don't. Hope to remedy that soon... I am looking into options.