Tuesday, December 9, 2008

New Beginning

I have something very personal to talk about. It's close to me. Like a lot of you have become. That's why I am writing about it here... because I need to, and this is like talking to friends. To family, almost. And, this is affecting me deeply and is going to affect my eating and my weight.

This morning, my husband told me he wants a divorce. No ifs, ands, or buts. We've spent most of the last 17 months living very far apart, with him coming for visits every so often. But I love him. I have been hoping and praying that somehow things would work out; he would love me again. Ever since the crisis phone call in June I have been on edge, waiting and wondering, but still hoping and trying for reconciliation. I put everything I had into it. I really thought somehow I could fix this. But this morning, he was clearer than ever that the decision has been made, and it's out of my hands.

He said we could talk about it this evening. I went about my day as best I could. After his statement in the morning, I lost my appetite. I was nauseous and sick from being so upset, and couldn't eat anything at all until around 1 pm. By then I was dizzy and had a headache and knew I had to eat. All afternoon I was stressed, worrying about "the talk" we had scheduled for tonight. I picked at food all day: the cheese dip he brought in, one of those cookies my son baked. I could hardly stand the wait. I kept thinking, "he will change his mind by tonight. He will put his arms around me and say he didn't mean it and tell me he loves me. It's going to be okay." But it didn't turn out that way.

He sat in a chair, across the room from me. He calmly and coolly told me he was going to file for divorce. He is leaving again after Christmas, and will tend to business across the country, coming back to visit our child on occasion. Then, in the spring, he said, he is filing. We are done. He is sure.

There were no tears. There was no pain in his voice, no "I'm sorry" or "I still love you." It was like a business transaction. But my heart was breaking and my world shattering, tears in my eyes, shaking in my voice. I wished and wished he would say something loving, something comforting, something reassuring, but instead, he just got up and went back to his computer games. I sat on my bed for a long time, wondering what was going to become of me.

I always thought he was my soulmate. I never wanted *another* divorce. I am so scared. But something happened to me in those moments as I sat alone on my bed in the aftermath.

I realized I am going to be okay.

All this time, for the past year or more, I have focused SO MUCH energy on trying to save this relationship. So much worry about how to fix this. So much effort into showing him I love him, and that he belongs here, and that *we* are a good thing. Even when he said in June that he was done, I just *knew* I could fix it. I would be a great wife. I would fix all his favorite meals, and be pleasant and nice and do things to please him. I would lie in bed worrying about how to make sure he knew I loved him. I spent a good portion of my days trying to find a solution.

When I got up off my bed, suddenly I felt a great burden lifted. This has been a long time coming. I have already shed so many tears for this man. I got up, made the bed, and thought, "I am going to change the sheets tomorrow, because now this is MY bed, not OUR bed. I'll be sleeping in it alone from now on. I want clean sheets." And then I started thinking about how tomorrow is a new day. A fresh life. A new beginning. I don't want to focus on the end. I've been focusing on the end for MONTHS. I am ready for a new beginning, no matter how hard it may be.

And it will be a fresh start for my eating and my weight loss, too. I've been stalled since June. Coincidence? All of my energy was going to FIXING THIS. It became terribly hard to focus on ME and what I needed, on my food and my exercise and my peace of mind. Now I can channel all my energy to myself and my children.

This is a sad time for me, and I've got a bit of mourning to do, but I am going to be okay. Thank you for being here. Just knowing that caring people will read this is a comfort to me.

81 comments:

Skinny Inside said...

Just wanted to send you a hug, and say that I, too, know you'll be OK. I think you're on to something about your focus, and it'll be good if you can turn it back to yourself!

Marshmallow said...

Oh my gosh, Lyn - I'm so sorry to hear about this. I'm sending you big hugs from New Zealand {{{HUGZ}}}

That being said, whenever you feel down and need to draw some strength, revisit this post and read those last three paragraphs. THOSE are the words of a strong woman whom I know is going to get through it.

We're all hear for you, and care about you deeply. Again, big hugs.

Anonymous said...

Send you a big hug!
Wish you all the strengh you will need to get through this!
Greetings from Germany!

Leni said...

Hi Lyn,
I have been following your blog for a couple of months now, but never commented.
Your post broke my heart. I had a similar experience about a year ago. Although I wasn't married or have kids (so I know it is really not comparable) thing were not going well between my boyfriend (for five years) and I. I, like you, almost 'broke my back' trying to be the perfect girlfriend, trying to fix things. I loved him, and even though I knew he didn't love me anymore, I did everything in my power to make it work. Your post brought me back to that day when he told me 'we had to talk.' I had been dreading that moment for months, just knowing huw much pain I was going to be in when he ended our relationship. When he finally did, I almost felt relieved. I had spent so much energy on him (and his happiness and well being) and on worrying about the end that, like for you, it felt like a new beginning.
But this will still be, like you said, a painful time. A part of you life is over, and although it is a fresh start, it will still hurt tremendously.
I will say this; allow yourself to actually 'feel your feelings' and don't supress them, it will only lead to depression. Take comfort in your friends and your children, and in those little things in life, like for instance, clean sheets. Best of luck, I feel for you.
(I'm from Norway, so excuse my english :))

Claire said...

Leni has said everything that I wanted to say. The only other thing is to say how much I admire you. Your attitude is great to this. I know when I and an ex finished (after a long drawn out relationship death) I too felt finally free. It was painful and it did take a long while to work through but nothing, NOTHING was as bad as being in that relationship in those last 2 years. You will survive! And flourish. Claire x

Phil said...

Lyn, I've been a bit of a lurker on here for a while but feel moved to comment today and give you my support.

I have been where you are and know the pain that you're going through.

My marriage ended not even two months after I got to my goal weight. I knew it was coming, but tried to convince myself otherwise. But when it finally did happen, all I felt was relief. I was devastated, of course, but losing weight and reaching goal had made me so confident, and so happy, and made me realise that I deserved nothing but happiness in my life, instead of settling for second best. The fact that I had set a goal, stuck to it and reached it proved to me that my life could be whatever I wanted, and if I wasn't happy I had the strength and the power to change that.

Having read about what you've achieved on your journey so far, I can tell that you have so much resilience and power within yourself to turn this around and make this the best thing that's ever happened to you.

It will be hard and there will be down times, but you're right - life should now be about focusing on YOU and your children. Pour all your energy into that! You've achieved so much in the past year, even with all this hanging over your head. Imagine what you can do now that you have the opportunity to devote 100% of your energy to it.

I don't think I can put into words how wonderful it feels to be free of something that has been dragging you down and sapping your energy, even if you didn't realise that was happening. Life will all of a sudden be filled with exciting things that you never knew about, or maybe had forgotten about. Every day will be an adventure. You will finally get to focus on you and what you want out of life. And that is a very wonderful thing.

It might be hard now, and of course you are sad and grieving this, as you must do. Do whatever you need to do to get through each day. But in a little while I'm sure you'll be feeling so much better about the decision - and you'll feel more like YOU than you have in a very long time.

You're an amazing woman who has achieved so much. If anyone has the power to face this head on and come out the other side, it is you.

So here's to new beginnings for you. Onwards and upwards, and enjoy all the new people, challenges and experiences that will come your way. All the best!

Hanlie said...

I am so sorry, Lyn! And I'm sending you hugs all the way from South Africa.

I totally get that feeling of relief. I think you've been fearing this for so long and the fear has been very debilitating. More than the actual event. Of course it is very sad and you will mourn the loss of your marriage and husband, but I think that you realize it's not about you, so you won't take this out on yourself.

You are courageous. You are strong. You are an overcomer. And you will put your life back together again.

Thinking of you!

zin said...

Lyn: I have been reading your blog for a year now. I read it every morning when I am having my coffee. So far, nothing have you said that indicates that your husband is a good person and he is worth all your tears. Most likely he is not even worth 10 percent of all that. It always seems to be you..taking care of the kids, taking them to the doctor, thinking of ways to bring them happiness, deciding what is best for them. While I am really sorry that you have to go through all this hardship (and a divorce is never a pleasant affair), I strongly believe God has better plans for you. You are a beautiful person. I can't imagine things won't get better for you. God enjoys checking how strong his kids are and I guess that is what he is doing right now. You don't have be a "good wife" to hold anyone back. You are a wonderful human being and I think the loss is more his that yours. Best of luck in everything. You will triumph!

Z

redballoon said...

Dear Lyn,
I too am so sorry to hear it had to come to this. You did all you could and you still are doing it, by coming here and telling us all what is going on.
With your marriage you have the knowledge that you did everything possible and it wasn't meant to be anymore. You are to move on to other things, other chapters in your life, chapters you will write, ARE writing every day, every hour.
Please be strong as you are.
I am sending you hugs from Tokyo. I know so well how you feel.
Love you.

SeaShore said...

I'm so sorry for what you're going through. Take care, you're in my thoughts.

Essentially Me said...

You absolutely will be okay. All that energy you put into him and your relationship now needs to be channeled into yourself.

Shelley said...

I'm sorry that your marriage is ending, Lyn. But I am glad you will soon be rid of a man whose only goal since you started losing weight seemed to be to sabotage you. That wasn't the act of a loving, caring husband, and you should be commended for persevering in spite of him.

You are a strong woman and I know you will get through this and be much more content with yourself in the long run.

Hang in there - you have lots of blogger friends thinking about you!

Maggy said...

You will be fine! It sounds like you have been doing it all alone for a while now anyway. You have proven you don't need him. And he really doesn't sound like a great person. I have loved people who didn't treat me right too. I know all the mixed emotions that go with them leaving.

Enjoy your new life!

Amy Jo said...

Lyn –
My heart is both breaking with you as well as hoping with you. I am going through a similar situation right now, and seeing the way you’ve handled yourself is inspiring. There will be a time of mourning. A marriage ending is a huge loss; but so much of the energy you spent trying to salvage what you could can now be spent on improving yourself; your focus can be on becoming an even better mother, and woman. My husband isn’t to the point where he is absolutely giving up; but I see it as a distinct possibility. And I’ve realized that I need to be my own woman; I have to work on and love myself, physically, mentally, and spiritually. One of two outcomes will result; either my husband will see that, and see me as someone he wants to spend his life with, or, like your husband, he will still believe that the marriage is over, and it is time to move on. Either way, I’ll be a better person and better prepared to handle whatever the future brings.
You are lucky in that you have children who love you, and who will be there for you; find strength in them, and in your friends and family. Your marriage ending is NOT you failing. Take this time to mourn, and then to grow. Sometimes the forest needs a wildfire to clear all it out and start new growth.

Anonymous said...

Lynn-
You are so brave and wonderful - your blog has touched my life in such a wonderful way I only hope that you know how much you are valued by your faithful readers!
Carry on strong woman, carry on...
xoxo
Lynn in RI

Anonymous said...

Lyn,
I agree with what everyone has said...you are strong, a survivor. You haven't had the benefit of his support for a while now...and now, all that energy you've spent on this marriage, you can channel instead on *you* -- a fantastic and worthy cause if I ever heard one.

I am sending you many many hugs and good wishes.

Muttonfish

Lost Half of Me said...

Lyn,
My heart goes out to you! I couldn't help but feel so proud of you as I read your post however. By the time it was so inspiring to see your awakening as you realized that in spite of this horrible news, in spite of something happening that you tried so hard to prevent, you really ARE going to be okay. Please know my prayers are with you!

LastJourneyDown said...

I know that your emotions took a roller coaster ride, but you are amazing to have clamed yourself down enough to think about some of the things you can concentrate on, now that concrete decisions are being made (some by him, but more will become clear to you as time passes). You are vitally strong and WILL come out at the other end of this - you already ARE! xo Miche

Roder said...

Lyn,
You're going to be okay.

Stephanie said...

Just wanted to send cyber hugs. I will say your attitude is amazing and you will be okay. There will be days that you feel better than others, but I can tell from your attitude now that you will be more than fine, you will be even better.

Vudu Princess said...

I am sorry to hear this. Although there will be tough times for you, I'm sure, I'm also sure you will get through this. Hugs to you.

Sarah said...

I am so sorry for what you are going through Lyn, but I am so glad that you have found strength from within. You will get through this. Just like the old saying goes "what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger." I will be praying for you too.

bbubblyb said...

Lyn, I'm sorry you have to go through all this but it really will be a new beginning for you. You can focus on you and what you deserve. hugs

spunkysuzi said...

Everyone here has said what i was going to say. But i do know you are a strong woman. And i know that you will come out of this stronger.
Now it's time for you, my friend.
"hugs"

Anonymous said...

one thing for sure, u can't force someone to love you..you can only love yourself.....and once you keep loving yourself, someone else will come along and love you again...keep taking care of yourself.....losing those pounds, feeling fit and healthy and someone else will come ......


you have your kids, you have your health, you ain't old and dragged down........and in 8 months when he sees you 165lbs lighter he'll wish he'd stayed and your new lover will enjoy the younger you!!!


to besides, you don't need a man to travel the world and meet people and see places...but you'll need your health to walk those streets and sail those ships and get where you have to go ......life is more than just a man....the journeys you take are what you have to look forward to now.

elife said...

((Lyn)). My heart aches for you. I have no doubt that I person as caring, strong and smart as you will get through it, and be happier in the end, but I'm sorry for the pain you have now.

GF said...

You have been bestowed an award! Pop over and check it out!

I can't think of a MORE appropriate time...

XOXO

Jen said...

You are so inspirational - what you are going through, everything that is happening, is happening for a reason. You are growing so much right now. Even though it is a struggle and hard to stay positive, continue to keep your head up. As you said, you will be okay.

You have a large group of support here - and although we all aren't close enough hug you in person, you are hugged electronically over and over by not only me, but everyone else who reads your journey!

Jen, a priorfatgirl

Lisa said...

Wow! I read your posts regularly as well, this one hit a little close to home though. My husband and I are having some troubles as well. Neither of us has said the "D" word yet but it is like the elephant in the room. Just the other day he told me he does not really like who I am which hurt and made me defensive. I am not at the stage you are at where I can find relief in the idea of ending it. I am still at the eat everything in sight and hope I feel better stage. Reading your posts always makes me feel better. You seem like such a strong person and I hope to someday have half your strength. Thank you for your encouraging stories. My prayers are with you through this hard time.

Lori said...

{{hugs}} Lyn,

You know we are all there for you.

Tena said...

We are here for you, Lyn!

I have felt this devastation, too. My husband left in the middle of the night without a word. Didn't even have the guts to tell me to my face. I thought I would fall apart. But being the mom of a toddler at that time, God gave me what I needed to get through it.

It takes a lot of time to rebuild. Be easy on yourself and know that we are all thinking of you and sending you strength!

Dinah Soar said...

I'm a firm believer in trying to avoid divorce. But it takes two people wanting that. If one is determined to end a marriage there is nothing the other can do to stop it.

And the more you try to fix things and hang onto your husband the more power you give him.

Dr. James Dobson gives this advice which I have found to be true: "NEVER pursue a distancing spouse".

Pursuing a distancing spouse makes him run away faster. Makes him think he is something. The 'high' and the power he gets from that makes him arrogant and full of pride.

I'd simply say to your husband "I love you and I don't want to see our marriage end, but I've had it too."

And I might even suggest to him a divorce sooner than later--for your own protection.

Waiting gives him time to move around assets and position himself for his own protection and interest.

Your concern now is for your interest and the interest of your children.

Your husband could string you along on and off for years.

I know how hard this is for you--but it's out of your hands now. You can't control another person's heart.

Only God can change your husband's heart. But I wouldn't bank anything on that happening.

I'd make the best life I could for myself and my children.

Pursue joy...run hard and fast after it.

skinnyhollie said...

Lyn, I am so sorry you are going through this, but I understand the turmoil. I am going through the same thing right now. At least now it's definite. My husband keeps going back and forth, so it's constant inner turmoil. At least now you can move into the next phase of getting your life together.

You will make it through and be on top!

Annimal said...

I literally found your blog yesterday and started reading from the beginning. I noticed your weight decline until this fall, and I wondered what had happened to you for the dramatic turn.
Now, I read this post and it's clear.
I love your statement that you will survive this. The "I" statements show me your strength and determination.
God bless you. Hang in there.

~TMcGee~ said...

What a myriad of emotions I experienced while reading this! I can't imagine what you are feeling. :-( I will say that I agree with the poster Dinah Soar, don't let him string you along.
Use this time to get to know you and love you better. You are a smart, beautiful and intelligent woman, Lyn. Take the wonderful talent of writing that you possess and keep putting it to good use. I am convinced that I will be eventually reading something published by you.
Much love and many hugs, you will come through this.
Oh and I mean to say, good idea about changing the sheets. Yes, it is YOUR bed now and YOUR life. He does not deserve you.

Emily said...

Lyn, I'm so sorry to read this but at the same time happy for you - even at a really tough time, you sound like you are so confident and capable and will only come out of this happier. You are right that you're going to be ok, you deserve better, and you're on your way to that something better.

Christina said...

You are stronger than you think you are. You will survive, you will make it. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
Love yourself, you are worth it.

moonduster said...

I am so sorry you are having to go through this, but you are right: you ARE going to be okay! In fact, you'll be better than okay, because this is a new beginning for you and the kids and now you will be able to focus on you and them and not all of the other stuff that had been plaguing you.

Can you tell I've been there?

Take One Stripper Pole said...

Sending you lots of California warmth and sunshine! Make sure you are taking care of yourself ... and blog. Throw it all out into cyber space ... we will be here to listen and support.

Lacey said...

I've been reading your blog for seven or eight months now and have never left a comment. But this post in particular needs all the support you can get!

You are SUCH an inspiration, Lyn, not just to people who are trying to lose weight, but also to anyone who is struggling to accomplish something. Time and time again you have pointed out the decisions we all have... we can either work ridiculously hard and be exhausted and have pain and have heartache and in the process be accomplishing something amazing for ourselves... or we can give up.

Thank you for always being honest with your audience, and for sharing this story as well. You. are. wonderful!

Rachel ! said...

Ohhh, I know you are hurting and it will probably hurt off and on for awhile. We are all thinking of you and I hope with a metaphorical weight lifted that you will feel more free and happy than ever before. *hug*

Laura said...

Lyn, we feel your pain out here all across the land. When I divorced I vowed I'd never marry again, I'd be the old lady living in a cottage with 12 cats and 6 dogs. Instead, 5 years later, I found a man that truly did accept me (overweight and all), cherished me and understood me so deeply it was astounding. You never know what life will bring, but know for sure there's always a new beginning, that you are strong and capable and we are all here for you whenever you need us.

PaulaM said...

Well all I can say is THANK GOD. Your marriage actually ended the minute he first brought up divorce, I firmly believe that. Even if you stayed together you would always feel insecure. He does not deserve you, and you are well rid of him. I've been following your blog for ages and have the utmost admiration for you. I know you will be just fine. Living without this "dread" will be so much better. As some others have said, I wouldn't wait around for him to file either, you should file and protect yourself.

Meg said...

hugs to you, dear. better days are ahead!

Anonymous said...

Hugs Lynn, your post made me so sad for you, but also happy because I know this has been dragging on and I wonder if it isn't a good thing that you've got some resolution (though not what you've hoped for), and can start to focus on yourself and your kids and your future.

I know you are going to be okay too, and I'm so glad you know it. You are an amazingly strong and bright woman, and you deserve better than you've had this last year. Now you are free to find it.

Schmoodle

Kimberly said...

All I can do is say I am so sorry you are going through this pain. It is a rough thing. But I am glad to see that you are recomitting yourself to YOU. Twisting yourself into knots for someone else who doesn't want to make the effort is never a productive expenditure of energy.

H8cake said...

I'm so sorry you are having to deal with this Lynn, but I know you will be fine. You'll be so much better since there is a decision made. The not knowing what is going to happen is so awful. Your kids are so fortunate to have such a strong mom. Now you can focus on taking care of you and them and not on this man that doesn't deserve you.

somebodys mother said...

I have recently gotten myself back on the healthy track again. Looking for support and inspiration on-line, I stumbled on your blog. For the last week or so I have been reading it from the beginning. Many of your posts struck a familiar chord with me. Especially the posts of the last few months have brought up memories of painful times in my life. I often learned more about you from what you didn’t say rather than what you did say. Back in of June I could tell you had ‘thrown yourself under the incu-bus'. Let me explain. According to Merriam-Webster an incubus is an evil spirit that lies on persons in their sleep especially one that has sexual intercourse with women while they sleep. A more common use amongst my friends is ‘a man who sucks the life out of you and then you thank him for it. You went very quickly from doing what you needed to do for yourself to focusing entirely on what he had ‘threatened’. He was in complete control of your every thought. ‘You’ all but disappeared out of your life. I did the same thing. I think you and I have had the same second husband. Did you notice the bigger time line? Just a few weeks after you acknowledge that getting healthy makes you happy (something that has absolutely nothing to do with him) that he dropped his bombshell. You can’t have anything good in your life that does not come directly from him. Like others have said, he is still trying to keep you engaged by dragging everything out. He has to be not only the center of your universe, he has to be your universe. Having been through this myself, I am very excited for your new beginning. Your post today showed you are getting up off of the pavement and are declaring ‘I will no longer voluntarily lie here and be run over by the incu-bus.’ You have taken the first step to stop feeding the insatiable incubus. We are here with you, cheering you on, supporting you.

Pubsgal said...

Lyn, I'm sorry you're going through this. Sending you a virtual (((hug))) and lots of positive thoughts. I'm not sure what else to say, other than I and obviously lots of other nice folks believe in you and are rooting for you!

Lyn said...

You all are absolutely incredible, just like I knew you would be. I cannot even express how comforting and uplifting reading your comments has been for me today. Thank you so, so, so much.

happyfunpants said...

Lyn,

I've never been married, so I've never been in this situation. But I want you to know that HOWEVER you deal with this will be the best way. Go through all of the emotions to make sure that you get the closure you need to.

If there is anything we can do to help, please let us know.

Hugs,
Anne

Tina said...

You have amazing story and an amazing blog!

The Duchess of Wessex said...

Huge, huge hugs sent your way, Lyn!!

I know exactly how you feel right now. It seems the whole year has waited until December to blow apart on me too.

I was doing so well. Then, a few months ago, my twenty-year old decided college isn't for him so at the end of this semester (in a few weeks) he's leaving college to join the Army and become an Airborne Ranger (only the most dangerous thing he could pick, on top of joining during a time of war!) So, last Friday my husband and I went down to witness our sweet boy join the Army.

Then, yesterday I learned that my dear dad's biopsy was positive for prostate cancer. You see, my life doesn't work without my parents, my boys or my husband so when something upsets my little apple cart, I run right into the food.

I lost my appetite after my dad called with the news but last night, after I got home from work, I found it! And, in a big way too... :o(

Just please do what I hope I can do for myself... Take care of yourself and know you have so many people ON YOUR SIDE!

Twix said...

((((Lyn)))) I, too, know you are going to be ok. It's ok to cry. I admire you for being a strong, positive woman. I am glad you have saw this for what it was. It wasn't you (you weren't the problem), it was him. I am so very glad you are setting yourself free! ((((more hugs))))

Sarah said...

Lyn-- you know what to do. Now is YOUR time.
Thinking of you.

Barb said...

Grace, Lyn.

ryry the adventurous said...

...........

I'm sending you an email.

Big Girl said...

Hugs... I'm so sorry. I know you are going to be ok and please know that you are loved by so many of us cyber friend and we'll always be her for you.

MaryB said...

It's true, he does not deserve you!
Sending some 'caring' your way...

aworkingmomsjoy said...

Send you a big hug!

I sense a hope at the end of your post. Wishing you all the best. Now girlfriend, you got to focus on YOU and being a heathy mama for your little one.

Once Upon A Dieter said...

Here, I come back after a month or so in absentia from fatfighting-blogging, and it's to hear this unfortunate news. I feel bad FOR you, because there must be a terrible amount of pain (and yes, fear, too, even if you're so courageous and strong).

Sucks. And it seems that this is not a convo that should be "business-like", but should be agonized and human. I want to thunk himon the head so fricken hard!

I dunno why love goes away. I dunno why someone who'd walk through glass for you one day suddenly can't be bothered to even be comforting. I hate it. I don't understand it, though.

I do know that you're an admirable woman. And this big, huge, fricken boulder in your life road is not gonna stop you. You'll climb it, top it, pass it, and on the other side, I hope God sends you a true soulmate, the man who will love you until his last breath and never, ever treat you with anything less than what you deserve--the best.

I ask God to pour blessings on you and your children. May 2009 be a transition into a full-fledged Lyn-butterfly!

Muah.

The Princess

Sharon said...

You should rearrange the bedroom furniture too. That will help.

If you lived closer, I would help.

You did the best you could and you should be proud of yourself.

Shame on him for putting you through this.

Amy said...

I am soo sorry. Kudos to you for thinking of it as a new beginning.

ptg said...

**hugs**

You are strong.
You are worthy.
You are wonderful.
You are wonderful.
You are enough.

Skye said...

Lyn:

Sending a big {{{hug}}}. You are a strong person...you will get through this and be better for it. It is now time to concentrate on YOU. I bet the weight will just fall off now. You are amazing and such an inspiration for me.

kyley said...

Lyn, I am so, so sorry. You are strong and well loved (just look at all these comments alone!). Just like you said, you will get through this.

My thoughts and prayers for strength are with you.

Christina S. said...

Lyn, I am amazed at your strength and bravery. Your post brought tears to my eyes. I can't imagine the pain that you're going through but I really admire you for stepping back, evaluating the situation, and making the decision that this will NOT stop you from achieving your goals.

I check your blog everyday and I want you to know that YOU have inspired me to try again at weight loss. I read your stories and think, "this person is a great example; I can achieve this if I try." I will be keeping my fingers crossed for you and wishing you all the best while you go through this rough period. Thank you for sharing your stories with us!

Anonymous said...

Lyn, I have been silently watching your blog, but don't comment much, but today I have to. I am so sorry that you are going through a stressful time. My thoughts are with you.

Long distance hugs and comfort,

Cea

Pamela said...

Lyn, I am so sorry that you've had to go through this, but I know that while you may have some tough times ahead, you will pull through. You're an amazing woman!

Ria said...

I'm so sorry that you're going through this. I am simply in awe of your ability to analyze something so painful so quickly and to see the positive path to the future so clearly. You surely are going to be better than OK. My thoughts are with you.

Katschi said...

Gees, Lyn. I'm balling my eyes out here, girl! My stomach fell to my feet reading this. How can I say anything remotely comforting except that I have love & hugs for you!!! xoxoxo

LisaNewton said...

I'm sorry and happy for you all at the same time. Keep thinking positive thoughts and this will be the start of a new beginning.............:)

Anonymous said...

Lyn -- *hug* I'm so sorry to hear about your impending divorce, but I'm glad you are finding strength in yourself and hope for a new beginning. Things will be okay; things will be even better than okay, because no matter what you have yourself.

purple_moonflower123 said...

I just read this! (((HUGS))) It will be okay. You are a strong woman and you have to believe in yourself. You will make it though this, even thought it seems really tough.

It is going to be so much better being able to turn that energy you have been outputting to "save" your marriage, into energy for yourself and your goals. It is a new beginning!

Heather said...

I am SO sorry that this happened. But as much as it must be heart wrenching, it must also be a relief in some ways. I am all for putting in everything you have into something, but it sounds like you put a lot of effort into something that was never returned to you. you were the only fighting for that relationship and I give you major props for that. At least you know you gave it your all. its not that it wasnt good enough - I just dont think anything would have been good enough. now obviously I say this as someone who doesnt know you personally or your husband so I may be off. but you deserve someone who is going to fight for YOU. who will put that kind of effort into being with you. Now you can just take some time, focus on yourself and make YOU the priority. You will be ok, I know you are strong enough to get through this.

MorenaTejana said...

I needed to read this. I am going through a similar situation, and I needed to read how you are coping. I am glad that you are seeing this situation as a new beginning. I will stay strong with you.

-Take care. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Please pray for me as well and all the other people going through heartbreaks.

Ceres said...

I'm catching up with all your blogging during the past month right now, and I just wanted to say how sorry I am. I know you put every little bit of your energy to your family, and you deserve so much more than what you've been getting! I hope you will pull out of this, I trust that you will. And I hope that you and your kids will be ok, financially and in other respects.
Sending hugs and love to you,
Ceres

Potterchik said...

This happened to me. All I can say is, you will come to a place where you are so glad it did. You might not be ready to hear that but at least, maybe you are now in the place where the worst has already happened, so you don't have to be afraid of it anymore.
You are loveable, and you are loved. you are an isnpiration to many, many people.

Anonymous said...

I wish you the best of luck in the coming days, and leave you with a quote from "I Never Promised You a Rose Garden."

"I never said it would be easy. I said it would be worth it."

Lady In A Net said...

You seem to be thinking clearly about your situation. It will be a difficult time for you, but I know from experience, if you focus on what is really important right now, you and your children, you are going to come out of this a stronger person.

Do your best to stay focused, keep blogging and stay strong...

Lady In A Net

kilax said...

Lyn, you are so strong and amazing, you are an inspiration! I hope you continue to become stronger as you devote more time to yourself and children. :)