Tuesday, November 18, 2008

It's One of Those Days

It was either go on an eating rampage, or sit down and blog.

Here I am.

It's one of those days... one of those listless days when I have lots to do but just don't want to do anything. Yet I have a nagging guilt in the back of my mind, saying, "get off your butt and clean the bathrooms!" But it's cold, and foggy, and I sat outside and froze for an hour this morning during a "necessary wait," and when I got home I felt like I was going in slow motion. Like I needed to thaw out. I had a big mug of tea and waited for my energy to return.

It hasn't.

Maybe it's the weather. Maybe it's the PMS. Yeah, probably it is hormonal. I feel crampy and irritable and want to be left alone. I do NOT want to see a vegetable, do a chore, or talk to anyone. I want to sit with a bag of chips, a mug of hot cocoa, and a king sized chocolate bar, wrapped in a cozy blanket on the sofa and watch inane TV. Bah.

Instead, I forced myself to make some Brussels sprouts for lunch, taking pictures along the way for a blog post later. I ate a huge plate of the things, and I even enjoyed them. But afterwards, I still wanted to sit, have a huge Starbucks Pumpkin Spice Latte and eat a pound of chocolate.

I took a vitamin, and I ate 3 or 4 tortilla chips. I was craving salt and crunch, too. I paced around a bit. Eventually I found the *only* chocolate in the house: a quarter cup of organic dark chocolate chips from the bulk bins. (I absolutely CANNOT keep more than a quarter cup of chocolate in the house, because of days like this). I measured out a tablespoon of chips into a bowl, counted out seven walnut halves, and added one tablespoon of peanut butter. I sat with this crunchy, creamy, sweet and salty treat and savored every decadent bite.

And then it was just not enough. My old self is tantruming for the old comforting crap I used to stuff myself with during PMS. I used to eat a whole can of Pringles in one sitting, with Coke. And that was nothing... that wasn't even a whole snack (unless I ate at least 8oz of sharp cheddar cheese with it). It wasn't even a blip on the radar of what I would eat in a day. I've mentioned before how I would eat 5 hot dogs on buns and a bag of crunchy Cheetos on a PMS day. So yea, I get bad cravings. But I am hanging tough this time.

So far I have eaten 942 calories today. It's almost 2pm. I don't want to go whacko with the calories, so here I sit, writing instead. I really am probably going to have a higher-end calorie day today, but it won't be junk, and it won't be a binge. Maybe some warm, comforting oatmeal later. More tea. Pasta with vegetables for dinner. Maybe 1600 calories total.

I am going to ride the bike this evening when the toddler is in bed. I should be lifting weights right now. Bah!!

I am going to take something for the headache and cramps and wait 15 minutes, and then I am going to lift the stupid weights, because that's what I need to do. No options. I will Twitter (see the sidebar) when I complete my weights for the day.

That's all for now. Over and out.


Christina said...

Good for you! I am finding your blog really inspiring - I came across it from the link on BFD. I have gone back and looked at your archives, and can relate to a LOT of your entries about binging.

I myself just ate a granola bar instead of what I really wanted, which was a bagel slathered in cream cheese. But I am trying to keep those feelings and cravings in perspective. It's really, really hard!

WannaBe Healthy said...

Oh, boy... You so remind me of person who is typing this comment. :) You are doing a great job! I like reading your blog. It's very inspirational. Keep it up!

Pubsgal said...

Hang in there, Lyn! PMS is the worst. (Is the blogosphere like a women's dorm? It seems like everyone--self included--is struggling with PMS this week...)

redballoon said...

Hang in there!!!!!!!!! Go outside, anything, get a book, get away from your thoughts!
I am over here in Tokyo rooting for you!!!!!!

new*me said...

good job on hanging tough.....keep yourself busy and ride it out!

Scale Junkie said...

Its the one week out of the month that I hate, that feeling of wanting to medicate and numb those cravings with mass quantities of ___fill in the blank___

Stay strong and great job blogging instead of eating!

~TMcGee~ said...

You're doing what I should have done yesterday. Keep up the good work, Lyn. It's tough but we will persevere!

Lady In A Net said...

I know just how you feel. The only thing you can do...is exactly what you did, blog about it and work hard to keep things under control -- exercise does help, especially if its one of those high calorie days. What you are experiencing is normal under your circumstances -- seems like you are using all your tools.

Blogging and twitter have been essential tools for me, more so the blogging. Daily posts allow me to vent, identify my issues, outline game plans, analyze my feelings and battle with food.

Stay strong. Stay focused

Lady In A Net

Karyn said...

Good for you, Lyn! You are strong! Keep it up and I bet each month the cravings have less and less hold over you!

Lela said...

Good for you. :o) Stay strong. There are many of us who know how it feels rooting for you!

Hanlie said...

Some days are just harder than others. Well done on keeping control! The more you do it, the more you empower yourself. Cravings don't just go away, we have to overcome them! And you are doing great!

MizFit said...

oooh and Id be honored if you added OR EMAIL MIZFIT after the sit down and blog.

proud of you for taking hold of your day yesterday.

Chubby Chick said...

Bah! Stupid PMS!

I felt snacky on Tuesday... and I can't even use PMS for an excuse! hehe

happyfunpants said...

Hey - you are doing great. And I think all of us know what that feels like. The fact that you found a different way to cope with whatever your feelings were (needing comfort, in pain, missing ____) is HUGE.

Since I'm not sure how your day ended up, I can safely say that it ended better than what it would have if you just "went at it."

We're ALL here for you - whenever.


ben's mom shrinks said...

I can so relate. In fact, I am right there with you this week - cold weather + pms = bad temptations...

LisaNewton said...

I've been there, done that. I wish it got easier, but for me, the battle continues.........

Lifting weights is a great way to take out your food frustrations, and blogging uses two hands to type, which is great.

Keep up the good work.........:)

Amy said...

Oh, it is sooo good for me to read about your struggles and how you fight them! Thanks for sharing.

I've been working out like mad for nearly a year now and the weight isn't budging. Yes, I do feel more fit and strong, but it just reflects how much I am eating to not see results.

Yesterday went pretty well with smaller sized portions, no seconds, no snacking. Until late at night when I polished off an entire can of Pringles.

I'm finding that I need to stop reading in bed as that's when I want to snack.

I am so impressed with your progress and encouraged too.

Anonymous said...

good for you lyn,

have you considered joining a 12 step program and getting a sponsor, i think that would really help you?

maybe you need to talk to someone

Hide those cookies said...

Those cravings can be so tough to resist, but you're doing great!

LissaLee said...

Lyn- you're doing so great! Don't be so hard on yourself. Even if you just have to sit still and do deep breathing to avoid a binge, that is still doing 'something'. Don't worry about the weights right now, just make yourself right. You are awesome!

Sarah said...

Hang in there! I know all of us ladies have had days like that, you will get through it. Good for you for blogging instead ;-) Have a good evening.