Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Another Day

When I made my last two posts, I was torn. There are some things I really would rather people not know about me... like what I sit and eat in a parking lot binge. But then again, if I pretend it didn't happen, I am deluding myself. After a while I will BELIEVE it never happened. And I will never fix it. So I wrote.

I half expected to get hit by a slew of insulting emails and comments from a massive influx of whacko fat-haters. You know the kind. They see you at McDonald's and sneer at you, repulsed. They say things like, "hey fatty, you need to go on a diet!" They drive by our blog-homes and throw their little bricks through our windows in an attempt to feel superior to us piggos. And when I write on my blog about the volume and amounts of food I have eaten, I always brace myself for the nasty jabs that are sure to come.

Only, they don't.

ALL of the email and comments I got on the last two posts were wonderful and supportive. I was amazed at how many of you wrote, basically, "Oh my gosh! ME TOO!" And while I am sure eventually some holier-than-thou person with a spiritual Napoleon complex will drive by and leave their flaming poop-bag on my doorstep, it won't mean anything. It's just a poop-bag. And I have all of YOU. (And a "delete comment" button).

So, that said, how did my day go?

Well, first of all, believe it or not, I lost a pound, even with my partial craziness last night. So I am down 1/11. Ten to go.

I got up this morning and made myself a nice smoothie for breakfast. It had berries, mango, and nonfat yogurt. Very good. Later, I had a peach and some cherries for a snack. I focused my morning around the sad, neglected produce in my fridge. I cleaned, prepped, and sorted it all. I trimmed green beans and sliced berries. I planned out my healthy day and counted calories.

For lunch I made one of my favorite meals: fajitas. I just sauteed chicken breast with onions and green peppers and a bit of seasoning, then ate them on a bed of romaine lettuce with salsa and a bit of light sour cream. Excellent. Who needs tortillas?? (These are also great with mushrooms but I didn't have any). I drank plenty of iced green tea.

I also rode the exercise bike for 30 minutes. I did four sets of ten counter pushups. Then I started getting hungry.

I had a big bowl of watermelon. I paced around a bit. I got this Coke "zing" in my head. (Yes I am SURE Coke is addictive. What is up with that??? I used to drink 4 cans a day, then went off it and never had a Coke in almost a year, and then after going back to it for a week I am having weird cravings and flip-outs based on COKE??) I paced. I thought. I distracted myself a bit. Then it was, "I want Coke and ONION RINGS." I was having a deep fried moment. All I could think of was onion rings. Like I was obsessed. And I KNEW IT!! I kept telling myself how ridiculous this was. But I was losing it... again. I told my daughter to get ready, we are going for a drive! She did not want to get ready. She was playing with her dolls. I was torn. Do I struggle with my toddler and haul her away to get my stupid onion rings? No. I can't. So I sat on the couch. I watched her play. My head was spinning for Coke. It was like I was frozen in time. I had this totally overwhelming compulsion to get the food. But I didn't want to. So I sat there, just being, for like 15 minutes. I was afraid if I got up I would go get the food, so I stayed on the couch. I felt MISERABLE. I hated how I felt. I wondered if this is what a drug addict or an alcoholic feels when they are trying not to use, and they want a drink or whatever. My mother was an alcoholic, and I wondered if this is the kind of nutso craving that drives a person back to drinking. I always thought that "food addiction" was crap, but now I am not so sure. Something very real was going on in my head...

After awhile my child was done playing. And in a snap, I had her in the car to go. I thought waiting it out would work, but this time, it didn't. I drove to the drive through. I got a burger, onion rings, and a Coke, and an ice cream. Mind you, I had lunch already. It was not dinnertime. It was like 3pm.

Well, I tried to make semi-better choices. I got a single burger, no cheese. I ate about 3/4 of it. I ate every single onion ring. I was trying to be VERY aware of how much Coke I drank. I want to get off that stuff. I had about 8oz, then opened the car door and dumped the rest in the parking lot. And I got a single scoop of ice cream, and left the last bite. Ah. Not so good. Not so proud of this.

As I drove home, I started wondering about 12-step programs. When my mother died, one of the very few things I inherited was her collection of 12-step books. I almost threw them out. I didn't care about her addiction. I didn't have any use for that kind of junk. But since I have so few things of my parents, I kept most of them. Yeah, they are about alcohol, but maybe there is something in there that will help me. Maybe I need some steps.

I know about Overeaters Anonymous. I went to a meeting once, about 15 years ago. We all sat in a circle, and everyone said, "Hi, my name is X, and I am a compulsive overeater." Round the circle like that. When it got to me, I felt really weird. I didn't even know what to say. I was not ready to say THAT. So I just said, "Hi...My name is Lyn, and MAYBE I am a compulsive overeater?" Truth be told, at that point in my life, I don't think I had ever really binged. Not like now. No junk food runs or anything. And I wondered what that hot, SKINNY blonde in the tight black dress was doing there in the middle or a bunch of 400-pound women and a guy with suspenders, a flannel shirt, massive amounts of facial hair, and b.o. (Yeah, now I know that skinny people can have binge disorders too). At the end, everyone hugged each other, including me. Made me real uncomfortable. I bolted out of there and never looked back. Oh, I am sure not all OA meetings are like that, but it still sets me off a bit when I consider going to anymore meetings.

Back to my day. So I polished off the food. I sat there and thought, what can I do to make this stop? I drive to the sporting goods store and bought myself some weightlifting gloves. I have wanted a pair, because my 15-lb weights sort of pull my skin and make my hands uncomfortable when I lift. So I got the gloves and I came home and used them. I strength trained for 20 minutes, and then I went out and took a ten minute walk. I drank water, and decided that I should skip dinner. I added up my calories: 2000 for the day. A bit more than the 1500 I aim for, but not disastrous. I would just not have dinner, or have a bit of fruit or veggies if I was hungry.

Bad idea. By 9 pm I was DYING!! I made a healthy choice: one egg, cooked in Pam, on a Double Fiber, 100-calorie whole grain English muffin with a slice of low fat American cheese. Ate that. But didn't stop there. Suddenly I just wanted to eat and eat. A few Ritz crackers. A couple cherries. A bite of tuna. A couple of mints. A square of dark chocolate. (I then considered making brownie batter, but I didn't do it). Finally I made a grilled cheese, ate that and was done.

So yeah, not such a great day, yet again. I am trying. The wheels are turning in my head. I am closing in on what, exactly, precipitates these feelings. It has a lot to do with my husband, and a sense of lack of control over my own fate and life. I definitely need to find a counselor to discuss my feelings with, because not having an outlet for THAT kind of vent is probably what is really "eating me."

Thank you for the support. I sincerely hope I can gather the strength to have a really good day, ALL DAY, tomorrow.

37 comments:

Ranae said...

Lyn ~ Bless your heart ... (((Big Supportive HUGGSSS!!!))) Remember, you never fail until you stop trying ... and you're a WINNER!!!

Have found that those obsessive thoughts of food are like an alarm clock that is sounding about some emotional issue we're not acknowledging or dealing with. It tends to stay until we address it.

One thing that helped me (besides dealing with the issue) was to try to reason with my brain ... but had to do so in reading written words. Here the story I printed and kept close ...

ONE evening, and old Cherokee told his grandson about the eternal battle that goes on inside people.

He said, “My boy, the battle is between two wolves inside us all.”

“One is Evil. It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority and ego.”

“The other is Good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, tolerance, generosity, truth, compassion and faith.”

The boy thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, “Which wolf wins?”

The old Cherokee replied, “The one you feed.”

It helped me change my thinking and be kind to me and it was a revelation that I was not being kind to me by binging.

Hope this helps ... we're pulling for you and know that YOU, Lyn, CAN DO THIS!!! (Please forgive the long post; can feel your pain having been there.)

Lauren said...

I also struggle with the soda thing. I'm trying coke zero for the moment, though sometimes I still have the original. I don't know if this is helpful, but I'm wondering if you buy the tiny cans of coke, since you are so conscious of how much you are drinking, and keep them in the house, if having one whenever you feel the desperate urge, would keep you from going out and pairing it with other things? Trust me though, there is no judgement her at ALL.

Anonymous said...

Lyn, you remain fabulous.

I'm studying your battles with great interest because I'm going to go thru it myself shortly. Today I'm thinking triggers. The emotional stuff is important, sure. But this aside for a moment I find myself wondering what's happening with the caffeine.

What about the fruit sugar? Could it be combining with something, affecting you and causing these craving episodes?

I find it difficult to believe you ate those onion rings because you're experiencing some kind of temporary character weakness. I know this intense feeling and I too wonder where it comes from. There has to be more to it than attributing it to simple weakness. Maybe some string of reactions caused by diet and affected by outside stresses.

Anyway, you're in a trial by fire and you're *learning*, with every experience you're documenting, sharing and learning.

Like I said before, a real quality woman. Hang in there, we're with you.

Lisa

Fat Lazy Guy said...

I'm a Coke (the drink) addict myself. I used to drink a few litres a day. I went completely off it at one point, but as soon as I had a glass I was right back on it again.

I know you don't want advice, so I'll just say I know what you're going through, and I hope you find something that works for you.

MizFit said...

you can you can you can.

today SHALL be a good day.

all day.

M.

Meg said...

I believe you about the coke. I am addicted to Diet Coke. Being a night shift worker, caffeine addiction is something that is more or less accepted as just another part of the job that is slowly poisoning my health, but the Diet coke (of which I am staring at an almost empty 1 liter that I've been drinking tonight) is an addiction on a completely separate level.

I hope you can find the support you need.

Keep trying, keep working at it.

Favorite saying of mine:
"fall down seven times, stand up eight." - Old Japanese proverb

Keep standing back up.
-Meg

l. said...

Lyn, a couple of thoughts - are you getting enough fat in your diet on the days you don't binge, or the days you do binge but before you binge? Healthy fats like nuts, nut butters, olive oil, avocado. An egg white in Pam is not going to satisfy you (as you found out). But a whole egg in a teaspoon of butter (a whopping 100 calories for the whole thing) will send you brain a signal that you are full.

Also, next time while you are sitting with the feelings that you want to binge, what if you said to them "It's ok, you can be here in my life, there is room for you, but I'm not going to act on you." Meet them with kindness and compassion. Check out the Mindfulness and Acceptance Workbook for Anxiety - I'm finding the exercises really helpful, and you might find that it helps you deal with your urges to binge, while not acting on them.

Amber said...

Lyn, I read your blog but have never intended to comment...but something about the way you are writing is so very similar to what I was going through a few years ago, the sense of desperation for a change. Anyway, you hit on a few topics close to home.

While your problems with food stem from a deeply emotional place there is some basis for the thought that you are "addicted". I understand what you meant about your brain and how it feels differently. For me it can feel like a manic "buzzing".

I found it VERY interesting that your mother was an alcoholic and you should mention it alongside food addiction. I own a book called Potatoes not Prozac
http://www.amazon.com/Potatoes-Seven-Step-Stabilize-Cravings-Recognize/dp/0684850141 which the author (who has worked as an addiction counsellor) has a theory that children of alcohol addicts (herself included) are almost hard-wired differently when it comes to how our bodies and minds respond to and deal with sugar. She calls it sugar sensitive. I know it sounds simple and I dunno...fad-ish. But I truly believe there is something to it. I've cut back on and cut out sugar from my life(and things which metabolize like sugar such as white bread) a few times now and the difference in my perceived brain chemistry and binge control is huge.

I'm not surprised that coke is your downfall...8oz contains something like 11 teaspoons of sugar. That's a huge and nearly instant hit to your system...I'm willing to bet you feel soothed and calmer just after, regardless of the guilt or shame the act of giving in. My binge trigger item is the aforementioned white bread. I never grew up drinking coke but we always had bread in the house...English muffins, bagels, even a tortilla can, I don't know..."flip the switch" from rational woman eating lunch to binging madwoman.

I've also tried OA and attended a few months when I was at my heaviest(240+) and spiralling completely out of control. The system and books is based completely on AA. They literally just replace "alcohol" with "food" the majority of the time. I found it...not very useful and very outdated. But having said that I met some lovely people and made a few friends. Unfortunately I didn't keep in touch when I drifted away from the program(I think that's pretty typical though, if you decide to leave a program). The support and people I liked, the program/steps not so much.

Of course everyone is different and I suggest you check it out, Even just flipping through an AA book and see if it appeals. just to gauge your own feelings.
But I really hope you check out the book I mentioned or similar books which come up on the same Amazon page(I would happily mail you my copy if I still lived in the USA or North America). I think if nothing else it could give you another prospective and handle on how to deal with your cravings/binging.

Take care
-Amber

new*me said...

You will get past this! Lyn, this is just a suggestion and you can ignore it if you want ;) I had a serious sugar/junk addiction. I did the Atkins induction for a month or a little more and it really got me "off" sugar. I eventually have added back healthy carbs. Now, when I eat fruit, it seems like a treat. Oatmeal seems decadent! I have kept the weight off that I lost while on Atkins and am still losing and eating moderate healthy carbs. I still have a bite of something not so good now and then but the same feeling for it is not there.

I hope you have a great day today!

tjones said...

I know what you mean about the coke I couldn't get away from so I switched to Coke Zero and have now worked my way down to 1 a day - it's tough but you can do it. Remeber you haven't failed until you've quit and it sounds like you are far from quiting. Hang in there I'm cheering you on

maryd said...

Hi,
I hope you don't mind me commenting as I'm new to reading your blog. I so understand the physical and mental things going on when you JUST HAVE TO GO GET THAT FOOD. I 100% do. I have a very gentle suggestion if you haven't heard of it, it is a book called Potatoes not Prozac. It is for people who are sugar sensitive (hello coke addiction!) and offers some really practical approaches to dealing with it. Some of them have helped me. She also talks a lot about how alcohol and sugar addiction are related, and it sounds like with your mom's history you have the genetics to be sugar sensitive.

Anyway, just in case it might help, I thought I'd share. Hang in there. I so understand how hard it is.

Anonymous said...

i don't know...i am thinking that the meal u listed although nutritious is still not filled with enough protein and fiber to keep u satisfied....smoothies don't last, fruits only stay half hour in your stomach...don't know why u could not have eaten toasted whole grain bread with that salad...without enough protein and fiber in each meal u are going to get peckish and hungry

maryd said...

Oh wow, I just noticed I was the second person to bring up that book. How interesting.

Hope you have a good day today.

DEBRA said...

Lyn
You are doing the best that you can,sometimes we have to fall to get back up again. Just don't give up on yourself. I think you are doing fabulous by keeping track of it and being accountable. I know for myself once I lost the accountablity I was done for. Just keep believing in yourself and be proud of what you've done up to this point.

Everything changes.
Debra

Jeper Drai said...

Evenings are the worst for me. If I slip during the day, I know its futile to try and make it up during the evening. I will just lie awake at night and then eat at 3 am.

Regardless of how the day went, I eat well in the evening so that I can sleep well.

I concentrate on changing how I react to triggers during the day.

JD

L. Jo said...

I attend a 12-step group called Celebrate Recovery (it is unabashadly Christian and is broad-based for helping people recover from "hurts, habits, hang-ups"). One group I go to is issue-specific for eating disorders. First time I walked into the group, I kid you not, there were 10 tanned, blonde,skinny 20-somethings and one attractive middle-aged man. Oh! I must have the wrong room! I need the one for middle-aged, frumpy fatties! Nope! Right room. Interestingly, the same compulsion to eat compulsively to the point of obesity is similar to anorexia, bulimia, and other eating disorders.

I also attend a group meeting at another church that is mixed-issue. In the room are drug addicts, co-dependents, women who have been abused, women suffering from divorce, overeaters, women who are addicted to work and many more. It seems we humans are fraught with pain and have numerous "drugs of choice" for numbing our pain. As a compulsive overeater, I have MUCH in common with other addicts of all stripes. The smelly, unattractive homeless man on the street may not be that different than me.

While 12-step programs may not be everyone's cup of tea, alot of people have found healing there.

Lyn, in your recent posts, you have written about 3 HUGELY stressful things going on in your life right now. It seems like this is what is triggering the compulsion for coke, sugar, and fat. Not so much a need for the food itself, but for the emotional numbing it can provide. (I'm not an expert, so take all of this with a grain of salt.)

We are in your corner...as we help and support each other, we help ourselves.

ryry the adventurous said...

Hah, looks like I'd be the third person in this blog to suggest the book "Potatoes Not Prozac". Being the daughter of two addicted parents, a recovering alcoholic and a recovering foodaholic, it was a revalation to relate the experiences.

You've come a long way, baby. You're going to overcome this and it will be a much needed sigh of relief when you do. It feels like you were on the ground running and a big hand just picks you up and keeps you in the same place, all the while your legs keep running in the air... just aching to hit the ground again. You will get there, we will all get there.

elife said...

I can't thank you enough for sharing your this. To see someone fighting so hard is beyond inspiring. You've already helped me in so many ways; I make a pitcher of green iced tea every night and drink it the next day, and I am experimenting with more and more vegetables.

So if there's some way we can help you, please tell us. Can we email you at a certain time of day? Do you need an IM buddy? Would posting updates throughout the day help? Best, e

Sheri said...

I'm so happy you've found the support you need in the comments left. Your blog is far more popular than the one I've been writing. In fact, I wonder most days if anyone drives by my blog door. Your posts are definitely uplifting, and you are going to succeed.

Anonymous said...

I regularly attend OA meetings and highly recommend them. At first I was suspicious of the hugging and cheesy-sounding prayers. It seemed a bit disingenuous but over time I've realized it's truly meant to give compulsive overeaters a sense of unity and acceptance. There are some things about OA that I REALLY don't like but there is a lot of good too. The literature says, "Take what you need and leave the rest." Mainly it's just nice to be in a group of people who are as messed up about food as I am. It makes me feel like less of a freak for, say, having to keep almonds in the trunk of my car so I don't get up in the night and eat them all. ;) At OA that's standard.

I think it's great that you blog honestly about your struggles. Sending you lots of positive energy!

Anonymous said...

I just want to add that in OA you don't have to be a Christian or even believe in God. And one other thing: In my experience about 90% of the people at meetings are NOT obese, which to me is a sign that something about the program works.

Linda said...

Oh, Lyn. It's a day to day struggle isn't it? I love the good "advice" you are getting here. Pick and choose! I want to second what anonymous said: I think you need to take protein with your sugar. That smoothie can step up to a balanced meal if you add soy or whey protein powder; ground flax seed for healthy fat is nearly invisible in smoothies...or you could even whip whip whip some cottage cheese in it just so you have protein to balance out the sugar of the carbs.

My trigger is white pasta or rice or donuts - anything with white flour and little else. I am out of control if I eat those things.

I like Ann's idea of the Adkins fix.

How to address the compulsions to go out and binge? I don't know.

Here is another book to read: Confessions of a Carb Queen. You sound like her. She beat it and lost her weight.

Hang in. You are clearly supported here!

Linda

Lynne said...

I think your last paragraph is what's eating you... Stress is a sneaky thing... You are doing the best you can - sure there is always "better", but accept that life hits you sometimes and NEVER give up! Look at how far you've come!!

Anonymous said...

Lyn, I don't normally post comments, but I want you to know that my heart goes out to you, with all the struggles you are going through. I, (and judging by the comments, many others, as well as many who may not have ever even left a comment), will be keeping you in my thoughts.

-Laura

Anonymous said...

I so agree with another anon poster. I've only been following you for about a month but I've noticed something, too.

Along with the emotional aspect it does seem as if fruit, particularly those berries, set you off, lol. It also seems that you eat very little fat in the mornings.

Have you considered using fish oil and chromium supplements? I don't know your health issues so please ask your doctor before using supplements.

Pandora123a said...

Lyn,

I'm impressed. If (when) I do those kind of binge purchases I get so angry at myself that I force myself to finish, which is absolutely crazy I know! The food starts as need and becomes punishment. Be gentle with yourself. Maybe, for a short time, you need to just work on maintenance and allow yourself a little more normal indulgence in a planned way. You have changed your life in an awesome way...and inspired a lot of us along the way with your honesty.

I am sending you hugs.

Pandora

extechy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

I just posted to you about chromium and fish oil.

I just read through some other comments and I also agree that you should eat more fiber filled fruit. Step away from the berries!

You could very well benefit from more fat and protein in the morning in your meals. But I still go back to essential fats from supplements like fish oil and CLA. Pair that with more lean protein sources. The chromium should help with evening out your blood sugar.

I'm not trying to criticize your diet here so forgive me if it sounds that way. I was so hopeful for you when I started reading your last blog. When I got to the end, something just clicked. The way you are describing your cravings for certain foods does not sound like weakness or an issue of willpower. I know some of it stems from the emotions you are dealing with now. But, it sounds to me like something else is going on, something physiological.

Please consider. :)

KG said...

I haven't read the other comments, but just wanted to tell you something. In my mind, when I go off my eating healthy plan and i string more than a handful of days of bad eating, I know why I eat what I eat. I'm afraid I'm never going to have it again. Oh, I've totally fallen off, so --before I get back ON again, I'm going to have this, this and this to eat. Oh and a bit of this....and the next thing you know it's two weeks, or two months (that just happened to me) and it's a terrifying feeling. I do truly believe that my food addiction is as real as heroin, smoking, drinking and caffeine. I also believe now that junk food is created to make us want more - the "processed food industry" is making food that will make us want more food. I really really believe it. The coke problem you describe is mine to a T. Totally. If I have even a sip of one, I want more, and more, and more.

Hang in there.

Name: Lynise said...

Lyn - I can only imagine how hard it must be to write some of your recent posts, but I thank you for being so honest and open as the comments you are receiving is evidence that so many of us relate to the struggles you are having and you are not alone.

The stress in your home life will certainly not be easy, I went through a break up just over a year ago and still consider the months leading up to it to be dark and full of despair. Its hard to focus on anything (especially yourself) when your relationship is on the rocks.

I don't have any real advice accept to say that what helped me during this time was go sit down and nut out a 'plan of survival'. It included getting out of the house and involved in things that would take my mind off what was happening. It wasn't a bury my head in the sand response but just a way to have some sanity in my day. I joined a womans book club/coffee group as I love reading and meeting with like minded woman once a fortnight was a way to make contacts and new friends.

I also started walking each day, then finally joined a gym. Once again the contact with other people did me the world of good.

I am currently re-reading Dr Phil's book regarding weight loss and am finding his 7 step level of planning (and goal setting) to be very useful as well.

Different things work for different people so finding what click for you may be different to others but I just really want to say I can so relate to what you have written lately and wish you lived close by so I could meet up and we could be each other support person as many of your struggles are also things I battle with.

Once again, thank you for writing so openly and honestly.

Lynise (New Zealand)

Twix said...

((((((super hugs)))))))

I think you and the others who have commented here are on to something. I am more prone to binge when I don't get enough protien and a smidge of fat. I also think sugar is addicting and there are quite a few of us who are sensitive to it for whatever biological reasons. That brings me to Coke. I definitely say that Coke is addicting and I believe that it goes beyond it's sugar makeup. I can have Pepsi and I don't find myself going completely whacko to get another one. Like you, I drink a Coke and before I now it I'm hooked...lol. I really think there's something in the Coke, too!
I think you are very brave to let the world see what happens during your binges. One step at a time, I know how hard it is to give up something. Got my own battle going on! I hope Friday goes much better for you and I think all here would agree think of us when you need us. We're all here cheering you on!

Heather said...

congrats on the pound and hopefully it inspires you and reminds you to keep at this. I think you had a pretty good day and while you did still get those cravings and urges, I think you handled them pretty well.

redballoon said...

I really like what I. said about sitting with your feelings when you want to binge. Sit with them, talk to them, just don't act on them. I have learned to do that and when I do I can do it. It's when I start thinking I have to be perfect and not allow any little slipup that things are in danger of going totally overboard.

I also think you need, as many people have suggested, to look at the chemical reactions you are likely having with certain foods. If you're going to have sugar and fast (non)food then there is NO way you can expect you body to not go into crave mode later. The sugar and fast food are NOT going to register. They are useless things to your body. That is why they are immediately shunted off into the fat cells. Get the GOOD food in you first and only then go to the other if you must. And good doesn't mean low calorie as so many people think. It means wholesome beans and vegetables and grains.

That said, look at you! You have lost over 60 lbs. You are looking fantastic!! If this is all you can do now then fine! You are getting better and better and winning the war even if you lose some battles. Hang in there kiddo!!

Paula M said...

I'm no expert Lord knows, but maybe JUST FOR NOW you could try not to go from one extreme to the other. Sounds like you are either super strict or the total other end of the spectrum. You have already lost a huge amount of weight. I can just imagine the others telling me to be quiet, but maybe until things settle down a bit you could lighten up just a bit on your diet and then you won't feel the need to binge? Maybe larger meals and cut out all the snacking? I say all this with love and want to add you have done better and lost more weight already than I ever did. And I admire the heck out of you.

justoofat said...

Though our reasons are different, we are both going through a similarly tough time right now. I too had a partially good day.... it was nowhere near what I need to be doing, (I ended up throwing half a mochashake and chocolate chip cookie out my car window), but it was better than the day before. We'll both make it back, Lyn. I utterly believe it. Don't give up... I haven't given up on you.

j

Kellen Von Houser said...

How could you NOT be proud of dumping out the rest of the Coke and stopping the ice cream after one bite???? Everyone stumbles, but few recover with so little damage done. We usually just go, "f*** it" and go on a full scale binge. Learning to stop halfway through is a major accomplishment. Kudos to you.

Anonymous said...

Oh, how many times have I bought something in a blind eating binge, mindlessly shoving it into my mouth? When I come to my senses after only one bite and am able to throw it out, I consider that a victory!!! I also had the reaction of many of your commenters that you seem to be eating a lot of fruit. I know, I did not get fat from eating too many apples, but I also know that more than 2-3 fruits a day can send me into a sugar crazed eating spree. Just something to consider. You are such an inspiration to me, I send you positive thoughts all the time.