Thursday, May 22, 2008

Today

I am having one of those "feel like I'm losing it" kind of days. You know the kind. Food on the brain. Tired. Just want comfort. Yeah, that kind of day. I woke up with things like pizza and Indian food flitting through my brain. I sat down with my hearty breakfast of one egg, low fat sausage and low cal wheat toast. I read my emails. I was just minding my own business and these obtrusive thoughts kept popping into my head: "I could order pizza for dinner tonight." "NOPE." "I want to go out to the Indian Buffet for lunch." "NOPE!!" "I want..." "SHUT UP!!"

I seriously have had all kinds of junk food in my head all morning. I am feeling a bit under the weather, and have some personal stress going on, but nothing that would "drive" me to eat. It's a PMS-y kind of thought process (maybe it IS PMS). I just kept dismissing the thoughts, but still wanting to EAT. As I was making my lunch of healthy, low fat eggplant Parmesan, I was also scouring the cabinets for junk. If those Cheetos my husband bought last week were still here, they would have been HISTORY. When I peered into the cabinet, for a split second I wondered if perhaps ONE Cheeto had fallen out of the bag in the cabinet before I threw them away... but I stopped myself before I went scavenging for an old stale Cheeto. If I had ANYTHING chocolate in the house, I would have eaten it. It's the haze of wanting to shovel junk in. I remember it well. I used to live in that haze. I am not too fond of this little reminder of how it used to be.

So I ate my eggplant and a few crackers. I was feeling rather FULL but all I can think of is OREOS. Excuse me, self, but you don't even LIKE Oreos. Does anyone else think the Oreo People totally ruined Oreos when they made them trans-fat-free?? I used to love and adore them. I would eat whole packages of Oreos myself, in one sitting. With tons of (skim) milk. But then suddenly one day I ate one and was like, what the HECK??? There is something WRONG with these. What was wrong is they took out the delicious, creamy, lardy-textured trans fats!! What is wrong with those people? It's not like people who eat Oreos care. That and the Little Debbie Oatmeal Creme pies. WHY did they have to take the trans fats out of those?? They used to be a favorite. I would eat them, one after the other, all the while wondering why those Little Debbie People wrapped each cookie? I hated that, being surrounded by a dozen clear cellophane wrappers. I wished they would just make one giant cookie instead, the size of a pizza. It would save me a lot of unwrapping work. But they took out the trans fats and ruined them! The "creme" now is like unflavored toothpaste. Yuck. Not creamy AT ALL. Same for those Swiss Cake Rolls. Ah yes, I think I had an affair with those as well. I was a processed snack cake slut. I would buy a box of those and eat them ALL. Again, what's with all the wrapping? How annoying when you are done to have six wrappers PLUS six of those dumb white cardboards the Swiss Rolls sit on. Or should I say, are stuck to. It's a pain having to scrape the stuck chocolate off each one of those with your teeth. Anyway, I used to eat all the chocolate coating off the outside of the Cake roll, then I would bite off the ends. Then unroll it and lick off all the filling. Then lastly eat the cake. Sigh. A grown woman... But when they, too, became trans-fat-free, my little escapades were ruined. The stuff is just no good anymore. The chocolate coating flakes too much, and the filling is not greasy enough. Darn those people, trying to pretend that crap is now health food.

And so I don't like Oreos anymore, but all I have thought about all day (besides pizza, Indian food and Cheetos) is Oreos. But the difference between ME a year ago and ME now, is that I will NOT get in the car and go to the store and buy the Oreos. I just won't. But I do want to. Just because I am PMSing, or doing a darn good imitation of it.

I also briefly considered making some chocolate chip cookies, but that just ain't me anymore, either.

I will just have to make do with what I have here. Mustard greens, carrots, wheat bread, chicken. I know I may go over my ideal calorie level today. But I am taking a lot better care of myself than I used to. I am planning a yogurt-mango smoothie for dinner... a light and healthy ending to a tough day.

Here's to a better day for ALL of us!

14 comments:

Jayme said...

congratulations to you on resisting the temptation to splurge on all your old favourites...

I wish I had your enthusiasm ...BUT...I am working on it!!!

Thanks for the encouragement I got from reading your post today:)

Honi said...

OOOOHHH CONGRATS on not giving in.. TRUST ME I KNOW HOW THAT is PMS is rough... Have you ever tried microwaved airpopped pop corn.. I got a Microwave popcorn popper. we make popcorn all the time no oil.. we season it with spray butter and a little salt.. and its fairly good. and VERY FILLING.. To nab my chocolate craving I have a WW dessert at night one of the ice creams.. I love it.. its the last thing I eat for the day... your eggplant parm sounds interesting .. could I get the recipe? I love eggplant parm... Congrats to you again for being a winner!!! at your life.

Lyn said...

Honi.. for my eggplant I do this recipe http://allrecipes.com/Recipe/Eggplant-Parmesan-II/Detail.aspx but I do bake the eggplant slices 10 minutes per side. And in between the layers I put some low fat ricotta mixed with chopped fresh basil, salt, pepper, and one egg beater. It's pretty good!

Heather said...

I am experiencing the same thing. all those voices popping up and I have to tell them to shut up, that I dont need all that food. great job on resisting. some days will be really easy and others will be hard like right now, but this will only help you to become stronger the next time it happens.

Anonymous said...

Mmmmm, a yogurt mango smoothie. I keep forgetting that's an option for a healthy snack.

WebRover

Deb said...

I know what you mean about those cream-filled snack cakes...Swiss Rolls and Oatmeal pies. There are times that I literally crave that creamy sensation. It's not necessarily the taste I crave, just the creamy sensation. I have noticed this recently as I am trying to become really aware when the binge-monster rears it's head. I honestly try to figure out what is going on with me and that is when I realized I was craving the texture more than the food itself. Wonder what that means....if anything.

Trisha J. said...

You go girl!!!!!!!!! I am waiting for my "change" too and for that to "not be me" anymore! You inspire me. thanks

CHelms777 said...

This post reminded me of a Buddhist meditation technique I read about once - if you have a desire or craving, just go as deeply into it as possible, feel it completely, really go all the way: and then it will disappear.

Lately when I feel temptation, I re-read your post from last week: commitment versus motivation. That helps a lot! Actually, everything on this blog helps a lot.

Stay committed!

RunningNan said...

Maybe its not the trans fat free part that you don't like.. Maybe your tastes have just changed to the point that they don't taste good anymore! way to go

Lynne said...

I feel your pain! Except my DH doesn't travel, and doesn't take care of himself, and buys JUNK and; although I try and keep it away from my "good" food, I know where it is and I've been known to empty more than a few cans of pringles in my day. KEEP strong. Thanks for working it through for me. I know now that it can be done!

Ellen said...

You inspired me to choose a yogurt berry smoothie for my lunch instead of chips! You're doing great!

Sarah said...

So much, imho, of weight loss is mental. I was tormented by thoughts of Doritoes all day. (I am on a road trip and the snack foods just call my name during the gas fill ups. :/ Especially after a tense moment with DH and all I want is snacks!

I was literally having a mental argument with myself in the car while my husband was pumping gas yesterday. He sent me inside for his soda and slim jim and there I stood, planted in front of the chips. Ugh. Food thoughts can consume me, and I wish that I had a way to make them disappear. The best I can do, like you, is to not by them. Not go running for them. Not bring them into my home or my car.

Someday maybe, I will figure out how to silence the food voices in my head.

Sunny said...

Ahhh.....the struggles. It's times like these that show us what were truly made of. Sometimes I'm so hungry!!! But then SOOO happy when I don't give in and the next weigh in shows it. Sorry you are having one of those times...hope it doesn't last long and you get through it easily. It'll be worth it!

Anonymous said...

I can't believe how I thought I was alone in some of the food thoughts, angst, cravings that I have. Every post I have read here has some exact feeling or action I have had. By the way, Fig Newtons are no good anymore either. Whatever they have done to them, it's like eating cardboard. Love the posts, and I have read and re-read the one on the plateaus. I have lost 35 pounds since mid-Nov. and am in a bad stall right now, but hanging in there. I have 55 more to my goal. I am 60 yrs. old, and thrilled that I've lost that much as it is. I have no metabolism left, it seems! Love this blog!