Yesterday was a rough day for me. Sure, I have lost 50 pounds and I am mostly doing great and hanging in there, but I have my bad days sometimes. Yesterday I was pretty stressed because I am having my culposcopy and biopsies next Monday. And I had severe PMS, too. It's a good thing I rode my bike in the morning, because I was totally exhausted by noon and lying in a heap on the couch with cramps, nausea and migraines. I skipped my strength training because I didn't feel like I had the energy to lift a finger, much less two 10-pound dumbbells.
I had eaten healthy all day because I was making some homemade Dutch apple pies for my son's birthday in the afternoon, and I wanted to fit a slice of that pie into my calorie allotment. But pie is pretty high-cal... especially ala mode... so I was going to eat the pie FOR dinner. I had a decent lunch and snack but by 5 I thought I was going to pass out and die of hunger. When I have PMS, I get cravings. And I get HUNGRIER. I want to eat all day. So I grabbed a piece of whole grain bread, smeared it with peanut butter and jelly, and ate that for a snack. Then I was out the door to take my son to a 2-hour meeting. I figured I would still be able to have that pie when I got home.
When we got to the meeting, after about 10 minutes the parents were dismissed. Uh oh. Now I had nothing to do for 2 hours until I had to pick my son back up. My head hurt, I was starving, I felt drained. My brain started sending me messages: "Dairy Queen! Dairy Queen! Dairy Queen!" I had to eat. I was on auto pilot to DQ and I was so hungry I could eat a house. I needed food. I decided to get an Iron Grilled Turkey sandwich. They are reasonably healthy... the bread is toasted, not grilled or buttered. It is stuffed with turkey, romaine lettuce and tomatoes. Yes it has a slice of Swiss and a slather of mayo but hey it was better than a burger, right? When I got up to the drive thru, I was sorely tempted to get a soda. I wanted a Pepsi, bad. And how about some ice cream? Fries! I knew with my sandwich and the pie that I was gonna have later I would be well over my calories. Why not indulge? I used to always get onion rings. I LOVE onion rings. I ordered the sandwich. I sat and stared at the menu. Pictures of fries and banana splits and Oreo ice cream danced in front of me. Onion rings. I just sat there staring at the menu... til through the brain fog I heard... "Ma'am? Can I get you anything else?........ hello, ma'am?" I stammered. My mouth started to say Pepsi but instead I blurted out... "and a large ice water. THAT'S ALL!" Whew. Crisis avoided.
The sandwich was very good. I felt better after eating it. I was probably low on protein. When I got home later, I did have a slice of apple pie and one scoop of low fat vanilla ice cream. I came in around 1900 calories for the day.
This morning I was up one pound.
Why am I telling you this? Because it is all the little choices we make that decide if we are going to succeed or not. And while at first glance this might seem to be a story of a failure, it is not. It is the story of success. Because even when tempted, we must be able to stop ourselves from reverting back to our old ways.
I did not say, "oh well, I ruined my day. I will start over tomorrow."
I did not binge.
And today, I did my strength training session. I will still get in 3 sessions this week, just on different days.
And you know what? The weight will keep coming off. Oh I will have my bad days, and I will gain and lose, and plateau, and whine. But eventually it is going to happen. And I am so thankful, because I was THIS CLOSE to never losing the weight and staying 278+ forever.
Change your head, change your body.
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