Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Stumble, Don't Fall

Yesterday was a rough day for me. Sure, I have lost 50 pounds and I am mostly doing great and hanging in there, but I have my bad days sometimes. Yesterday I was pretty stressed because I am having my culposcopy and biopsies next Monday. And I had severe PMS, too. It's a good thing I rode my bike in the morning, because I was totally exhausted by noon and lying in a heap on the couch with cramps, nausea and migraines. I skipped my strength training because I didn't feel like I had the energy to lift a finger, much less two 10-pound dumbbells.

I had eaten healthy all day because I was making some homemade Dutch apple pies for my son's birthday in the afternoon, and I wanted to fit a slice of that pie into my calorie allotment. But pie is pretty high-cal... especially ala mode... so I was going to eat the pie FOR dinner. I had a decent lunch and snack but by 5 I thought I was going to pass out and die of hunger. When I have PMS, I get cravings. And I get HUNGRIER. I want to eat all day. So I grabbed a piece of whole grain bread, smeared it with peanut butter and jelly, and ate that for a snack. Then I was out the door to take my son to a 2-hour meeting. I figured I would still be able to have that pie when I got home.

When we got to the meeting, after about 10 minutes the parents were dismissed. Uh oh. Now I had nothing to do for 2 hours until I had to pick my son back up. My head hurt, I was starving, I felt drained. My brain started sending me messages: "Dairy Queen! Dairy Queen! Dairy Queen!" I had to eat. I was on auto pilot to DQ and I was so hungry I could eat a house. I needed food. I decided to get an Iron Grilled Turkey sandwich. They are reasonably healthy... the bread is toasted, not grilled or buttered. It is stuffed with turkey, romaine lettuce and tomatoes. Yes it has a slice of Swiss and a slather of mayo but hey it was better than a burger, right? When I got up to the drive thru, I was sorely tempted to get a soda. I wanted a Pepsi, bad. And how about some ice cream? Fries! I knew with my sandwich and the pie that I was gonna have later I would be well over my calories. Why not indulge? I used to always get onion rings. I LOVE onion rings. I ordered the sandwich. I sat and stared at the menu. Pictures of fries and banana splits and Oreo ice cream danced in front of me. Onion rings. I just sat there staring at the menu... til through the brain fog I heard... "Ma'am? Can I get you anything else?........ hello, ma'am?" I stammered. My mouth started to say Pepsi but instead I blurted out... "and a large ice water. THAT'S ALL!" Whew. Crisis avoided.

The sandwich was very good. I felt better after eating it. I was probably low on protein. When I got home later, I did have a slice of apple pie and one scoop of low fat vanilla ice cream. I came in around 1900 calories for the day.

This morning I was up one pound.

Why am I telling you this? Because it is all the little choices we make that decide if we are going to succeed or not. And while at first glance this might seem to be a story of a failure, it is not. It is the story of success. Because even when tempted, we must be able to stop ourselves from reverting back to our old ways.

I did not say, "oh well, I ruined my day. I will start over tomorrow."

I did not binge.

And today, I did my strength training session. I will still get in 3 sessions this week, just on different days.

And you know what? The weight will keep coming off. Oh I will have my bad days, and I will gain and lose, and plateau, and whine. But eventually it is going to happen. And I am so thankful, because I was THIS CLOSE to never losing the weight and staying 278+ forever.

Change your head, change your body.

19 comments:

Laine said...

I found your blog yesterday and read a ways back. You are doing amazing!! You make no excuses, you continue to go forward and you have come so far!

1900 calories in one day is not going to make you gain a pound. You'd have to eat 3500 calories *more* than your BMR, which you clearly did not do.

You recognized your hunger, made a great choice at DQ, and had planned for the pie. Now you know to eat more protein during the day to stave off hunger (which is what I have to do, too.)

Keep up the AMAZING WORK!!

Honi said...

YOU SO ROCK .. that turkey sandwich was a great choice.. when I want fast food like DQ or Sonic I always get the jr. burger I think a regular dq burger is 310 and a regular jr burger at sonic is 320 thats with ketchup, pickle mustard no mayo... not sure what the turkey is calorie wise.. anyhow.. fab job.. as u said its all about the choices.

MB said...

Congrats on not falling way off that wagon. You did a great job taking care of your hunger and not giving in to the call of the fries and Pepsi.

Heather said...

good for you! I think that is a good example of how a person can change their thinking. I especially agree wth the fact that just because you were going to splurge later with the pie didnt mean that you had ruined your day so you might as well go crazy. I used to do that and it never got me anywhere. youd be surprised how many splurges Ive had that ended up with a loss the next day just because I stopped after my allotted splurge. and a dietician once told me, if theres something you want, have it for dinner rather than eating dinner and not feeling satisfied because of what you REALLY want. so I actually think having the pie for dinner is a good idea (as long as its not every night!).

RunningNan said...

great job!

Lauren said...

I absolutely love your blog. You are such an inspiration. You are doing so great.

Trisha J. said...

AWESOME! good for you.

Dawn said...

You did great by choosing the healthier choice. I know how hard that is when you are craving something so bad. I would say that you had a very successful day. Even though you were up a pound, it will go away quickly again.

Ceres said...

There's no way that you gained a pound because of a turkey sandwich and a piece of pie, it takes much more than that :-) Your extra pound is probably just pre-period water retainment. I gain pounds and then lose them again even when I'm not PMSing, and without substantial changes in my diet. The way my body retains water is still a mystery to me! If, overall, you're doing the right thing, these water-pounds come right off and they take more pounds away with them! Also, 1900 calories is probably less energy than your body uses up in a day, so you're still at a deficit! I will agree with the other bloggers, the really important thing here (and what you do stress in the post) is the change in your way of planning your meals and responding to your cravings. Way to go, you give the good example for the rest of us!!

Sarah said...

Water weight gain. That time of month, all teh sodium in the sammy from DQ....

Keep up the good choices. This is how you will live the rest of your life! (I had a caramel scone and edamame for dinner... It balances out.)

Betsey C. said...

What an awesome, inspirational post. It's amazing the way you are able to stave off binges like you do. I am impressed! And I feel like if you can do it, so can I.

Kathy said...

Great decision with the sandwich...I applaud you! Experience teaches what works for us and what doesn't and the classroom is always open.

new*me said...

awesome will power! I love the ending of your blog...."Change your head, change your body." You have figured out the secret to lasting weight loss!! I will have to remember that when I am tempted to stray..."Change your head, change your body"

Dinah Soar said...

I'm just catching up on my blog reading...

I can see a major difference in your pictures!! You are looking great! You made me laugh out loud with your comment that your baby looked like you (in the pic with the cropped off heads---baby's in your lap)--love your sense of humor.

And congrats today on fighting back those infernal cravings that seem to never go away. You've discovered a key issue in winning this battle--which is accepting you will have bad days, but they are just one day in a string of days and that when you have them, there's no need to despair and thrown in the towel.

While we will never be perfect, we can always make better choices, even when we decide to forgo the best choices, and still make progress.

Lynne said...

Thanks Lyn b/c I think our bodies are on the same cycle and I am all sorts of cranky, hungry and un motivated.... Stumbling if you will...

Sunny said...

Great job handling the stress and hunger. There will be bad times...there always are, but learning to deal with them while still moving forward is the key - not letting them derail us. Great job staying on track!

Lisa aka water_nymph said...

i can't believe i missed your 50lb lost post!! Congratulations!!!

i love that Change your head. Change your body!!

And you know what? *i* see a difference in those 10lb pics:)

Anonymous said...

Excellent job at DQ Lyn! You made good choices and should be proud.

Tai

live women walking said...

I added your blog to my bookmark tabs. I love your honesty and admissions. You're doing so great....keep it up and follow your dreams.