Friday, April 11, 2008

The New Me

I was thinking today about how much I have changed over the last few months. I mean I have made some major changes in my thinking, and these have affected my actions. This is new. This is different from any other weight-loss attempt I have ever made. Sure, I got "in the groove" of an eating plan before and lost 30 or 35 pounds... several times. I always gained it back, because I was on a diet and my thinking had not changed. When life threw me curve balls, I did what I had always done: binged. Quit caring. Reveled in the pleasures of a hot fudge brownie sundae and 2 Big Mac meals. Found comfort in the textures and flavors of those foods. Ate until I was numb and ignored the pounds creeping back on, and on, and on.

It hit me today that I have really, TRULY changed. I am NOT the same as I was at 278 pounds... or even at 200 pounds. I knew I had changed when I bit into that chocolate covered Oreo on vacation and it did nothing for me. It didn't taste that good... it was just sweet. I didn't have the slightest desire to walk ten feet to the candy counter and buy some more "for the kids" so I could inhale them later in the hotel room while they were sleeping. As a matter of fact, what I really wanted was a good salad.

I knew I had changed when I went on that "one last splurge" for lunch on our drive home, to a great burger place, and I didn't see ANYTHING on the menu I wanted. Nothing. In the past, I would have stood there perplexed. How do you decide between the double smoked bacon burger and the mushroom swiss burger?! How did they expect me to choose between the curly fries, the onions rings, and the mozzarella sticks!?!? And then the ice cream, oh my gosh, they have 25 flavors of shakes, and they expect me to pick just ONE!?!?! But this time nothing appealed to me. I just wanted a freakin bowl of zucchini with some light cheese melted on top. But they didn't have that, so I ordered an old favorite: battered, deep fried cod with chili cheese fries and a Reece's shake. (Hey, it's fish, right?) Usually I would have wolfed it down and maybe gone through the drive through for seconds... but this time, even though I was consciously ALLOWING myself the splurge, I didn't want it. I got 4 pieces of fish and I ate 2. I didn't even really want them, but I was hungry. I picked at the fries, ate maybe 5 or 6. I threw the rest away. Yes, I threw away CHILI CHEESE FRIES, people. I am a new person, I tell you. Completely and utterly new. I did drink the shake but I noticed it wasn't so great either.

When I got home ALL I wanted to do was get back on plan. I went out today to refill the empty fridge. I bought:
lettuce, baby spinach, baby carrots, celery, onions, garlic, zucchini, yellow summer squash, acorn squash, a hothouse tomato, 2 mangoes, 2 pears, blackberries, strawberries, a beautiful green pepper, broccoli, a head of cauliflower, a small cabbage, mushrooms, green grapes, a pink grapefruit, frozen baby Brussels sprouts, frozen green beans and petite peas, frozen summer squash mix and broccoli and cauliflower mix.
I am a changed woman, I tell ya.

And for the best part. It's supposed to get hot this weekend, so I got out my jean capri shorts I had purchased 2 years ago but they never fit me. They were always a couple inches short of being able to button, so I have never worn them (a tight 24). Today I put them on, and they are so HUGE on me there is no way I can possibly wear them. So I was forced (LOL) to go to the store for some new jean capris. I went in to Walmart and figured I would get 22's, since that's the size jeans I have been wearing. Actually my jeans have been getting loose. Well lo and behold, I had to buy size 20! Yes, I fit into a size 20, NON-stretch denim capri pants! Wow! So exciting!

I am really liking this new me! Maybe I will wear those capris for my new 50-pounds-lost pictures in a couple weeks!


Sunny said...

WOW! What an awesome feeling to purchase those new capris! You have come such a long way - you have evolved on the journey and that is awesome...that is what we strive for - to make this more than a diet - to make it a way of life. Sounds like that's exactly what it's becoming for you. Congratulations!

Dawn said...

I have been reading your blog for a few weeks now and I have to tell you that your success so far and your attitude toward everything is very motivational. Congratulations on changing your thought process when it comes to food, and for fitting into some new smaller capris!

Heather said...

oh that is so wonderful!! congrats on being too big for those capris and making into an even smaller size. wht a great feeling. I also think its awesome that you can take a look and all the things you do right now and how you have created behaviors that will lead to your success. I thikn the fact that you wanted a vegetable instead of a burger is pretty amazing and shows how far you have come.

Ceres said...

Looking forward to those pics :-)

Midnyte said...

Wow!! You know your doing really well when ya can say " I really ain't interested in that"..
You know I am really proud of you! I sat here the other day and laughed at myself,Giving you advice when i was waivering myself.. And it gave me a kick in the pants too..
Congrats on the new size pants! Waiting for the pic's with a face! ;-)

Anonymous said...

Picking at the fries and only eating 5 or 6 BECAUSE THAT's ALL YOU WANT - that's skinny thinking. You go girl.

Mmmmm, that veggie selection sounds awesome.