Saturday, April 5, 2008

ARGHHH!! My Legs!

Okay, I have been rather oblivious about the appearance of certain parts of my body... but boy was I snapped back to reality yesterday. I have been looking for a bathing suit online, because we are going swimming next week. I couldn't find anything I wanted to buy, so I decided to dig out the old swim suits and try them on.

ARGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! ::runs screaming::
What ARE those monstrosities under my hips?!? I mean I was SHOCKED. I guess because I have lost weight, I have been pleased with how much better I look in jeans and pants, but it's been too cold for shorts so the legs have stayed neatly tucked away in the jeans. When I put on the first bathing suit, a size 22 from years ago, the first thing that caught my eyes was the legs. My torso looked half decent... at least better than it has in ages. But the legs! (Am I getting across my shock??) They look as big as ever to me. So imagine the legs of a 278 pound morbidly obese woman stuck on the body of a 233 pound not-quite-so-obese woman. Or don't imagine it... yikes. All pale and fat. And I see the beginnings of loose skin there as well. They look so bad. I just can't get over it.

That first suit is so old that it had some fabric that was very worn in the back, so I tried on suit #2. It's a 22, solid black with a hip skirt (aka The Standard Fat Woman's Suit). I put it on and immediately had visions of that hippo in Fantasia... the one dancing in a tutu. Who thought up the concept of putting a tutu-esque skirt on a plus sized bathing suit? Is this some size-2 designer's idea of a sick joke? Okay, I know some women like them because they "cover" the hips (oh come on, who are we kidding?? There is no way...) but to me it just looks ridiculous. Would you wear a size 28 tutu out in public?? I didn't think so.

I know I am being too hard on myself. I have to accept this body until I can change it... and I AM changing it. And trying on the third "bathing suit" made that clear to me. Two summers ago I was in a store trying to find a size 26-28 bathing suit and couldn't find one without the hippo tutu on it, so I decided to get some tan shorts and a white tank top instead and swim in that. The top has a built in "bra" that is some heavy-duty giganto sturdy foam cups. I remember it fit me just fine when I got it. I even have pictures in it (wouldn't THAT make a fine post someday??) Well, yesterday I put on the shorts... they were SO huge on me. They were not just hanging off, but there is no way I could even wear them now. Then I put on the top. The big foam cups were poking out and up, half empty and hanging! It was so funny! It looked like I was wearing some kind of scientific precipitation collector on my chest. Obviously I have shrunk.

So now I move forward. I will do what I can about the legs... eat right, keep losing weight and biking. For now I got some self-tanner to use when I go swimming, because the glare of those snow-white trunks would probably draw way more attention than if they are moderately tanned. I am using lotion and hoping it will keep the skin moisturized enough that it will shrink some over time. It'll get better, I am sure, even if they are just smaller. I am even more motivated to get this weight off so that next summer I can look my best!


Chubby Chick said...

My legs are so pale they probably glow in the dark. lol

I've never worn a bathing suit, and swimming is something I'm looking forward to doing when I reach my goal.

Have you looked at any of those suits that have shorts? I think they're cute looking, and would definitely cover more than a traditional suit.

Heather said...

oh I could have written this entry myself! upper half of me looks great..bottom half still looks like that of a 207 pound woman. I hate it! Im trying pilates and hoping that helps my lower half. dont worry though, one day you will look in the mirror and think, I have great legs!

Ceres said...

I wouldn't get worked up about it. Trying on swimming suits is a nightmare for most women, overweight or not, especially in the spring, when your skin hasn't been exposed to the sun yet, and it's all white and pale! Second, I think that for many of us (at least for me), the last place where weight is lost are the legs. It might also be that your torso is so much smaller now, that you get to notice the legs much more :-) What is great is that you're becoming aware of how much better your body will look as time passes! Your legs WILL shrink over time (they already are!), and with exercise you'll make them look GREAT!
I'm from Greece, and there, in the beginning of the summer season, you can find many moisturizing creams that supposedly tighten your skin. They're expensive and I doubt they really do all that much, but maybe you could find something like that around here, and try it out.
It might also be time to take a shopping trip for a new, smaller-sized pair of shorts and a tank top ;-)
Keep up the good work!!

Kathy said...

I'm afraid I've always liked the appearance of my top half much more than the bottom! I don't expect that to change in this lifetime!

Anonymous said...

Dear Lyn

I really want to write and sympathize with the whole "can't find a descent swimsuit" thing. But, as a typical man, I throw on a pair of old shorts and head to the beach.

Now, I know I risk the ire of all the women bloggers out there, but that is the risk I am willing to take to say that I hear you, and understand.

JD (please don't hate me) ;-)

Take One Pole said...

Hi ... Thanks for stopping by my place. I loved your post today. Made me laugh. I do not even want to think about wearing a swim suit any time soon. I wanted to ask if you are doing any strength training? Even lunges with no weights will bring a difference to your legs. :)

Now I need to get back to reading your blog!

Conrad said...

Great blog I'm trying to lose 129lbs it's been so tough I have a trainer and I'm working out all the time my diet is in check but it still hard keep up the good work