Friday, March 21, 2008

Zigs and Zags

Well, this week I have been zigging and zagging all over the place. There was that bad day on Wednesday with the burger and candy. Thursday was great! Healthy foods and under 1500 calories. Today, not so great. Bad, actually. I just sort of threw all caution to the wind, had Indian buffet, a few Easter candies, and crackers with cheese and summer sausage. I came in around 2200 calories today. I am really not very happy with myself.

However, I have to give myself credit for still trying. I have not gone off and bought piles of junk food and eaten chips and dip and Coke. I eyeballed the candy bars in the checkout aisle, but I didn't get one. And every single day for the last four days I have gotten on that BIKE... that dreaded and beloved recumbent exercise bike... and have ridden vigorously for 18 minutes. Even with a belly full of sausage at 9 o'clock at night, I drug myself downstairs and rode that bike. That is my statement to myself, and it says, "I have not given up. I am still committed. I will never give up."

I am sure I need to make some changes in order to combat my little problem with staying within my calories. For one, back off on the eating out. For another, don't keep ANY high calorie foods in the house that I might overeat. I am thinking in particular of summer sausage and cheese. My husband got it out and was eating it in the living room. I smelled it. I went bonkers. Maybe I need to invest in some nose plugs.

All week my toddler has been sick. She has run a fever of 102 and has been up in the night and mostly coming and sleeping in my bed (which means I have gotten very little sleep). Today she is better, but what a rough week. Then, yesterday my 14-year-old broke his finger at baseball practice. I spent the evening in the Emergency Room with him. He has to see a hand surgeon next week, and can't play ball for awhile. It made me sad, not only for him, but for me. Four of my children so far have played baseball. One of my greatest joys has been going to their games. There is something really wonderful about sitting outside in the fresh air and sunshine (or rain, sometimes) and watching your little guy play first, or pitch, or hit a home run. I just love it, and I was so looking forward to his first game on Monday. He is the last one of my kids who is still playing baseball... the others have all moved on to other things. So I am just sad that I won't get to see him play... not Monday, and maybe not at all this season. I just pray his hand heals okay.

Life goes on, and my overeating did not make anything better. I know this. I am still fighting. I am still clawing my way up to my goal. Tomorrow will be BETTER. I just know it. I am going to MAKE IT better.

And on a happy note, the biking must be doing SOME good, because today in the store, my jeans were falling off my butt. Yeah, THOSE jeans in the "40 pounds gone" pictures! I had to keep tugging them up because they were hanging! They are still perfectly wearable, but the butt is suddenly quite loose! I am thrilled. They were absolutely tight just a few weeks ago. I think they are now going to be those jeans that you have to throw in a hot dryer in order to make them fit right. Love it!

Keep on battlin', and never give up.


Kathy said...

Good for you, Lyn! Getting on that bike and toughing it out. I have a recumbent too and it sits gathering dust most of the time. I used to make myself get on it and ride through the first 20 minutes or so of the Regis and Kelly show while they were doing their took my mind off what I was doing just enough to get me through it. I need to get back in the "saddle" myself!

Twix said...

Mmmm summer sausage and Indian food! Sorry to hear your kiddo is sick and about your 14yr old. Very cool you got on the bike and kept up on the plan!! High five on that! Congratulations on your jeans falling off (hehe)! :D Have a fantastic weekend!

Curvaceous, said...

Keep on keeping on hon. You can do it!

Heather said...

oh I also had an incident with cheese, crackers, and sausage over a month ago, so I know how you feel. but I thikn you are right when you say that you should give yourself credit because you should. we all make mistakes and we can all move on from them and it could have been much much worse. And this really shows how much smarter you are now when you say that you know eating isnt helping what is going on in your life. I used to be one of those people that would lie and think that I deserved food. what a joke right? you are doing great and I know you can move on from this. happy easter!

Lola said...

lyn, 2200 calories are not that bad.
do you remember the times you used to binge and having more than that in ONE SINGLE MEAL?
so, fight, girl. and cheer up.

nobody can handle indian food. lol.
i would eat a naan right now if we had that kind of restaurant here. with no guilt.
you just can't do this always. but once... you deserve.
just be careful about trespassing the line of 2000 calories a day.

oh, i changed my blog. trying to write in english sometimes. awful.

barbra brusk

Dinah Soar said...

Each day is a day closer to reaching your goal...even the days when we are less than perfect...remember we don't have to be perfect, but making changes, sticking with them and tweaking things when needed are a process and a gradual one at are doing great I think...there will be days that are not stellar, but they are only a tiny part of the whole picture...