Tuesday, March 4, 2008

Struggling

I am having a heck of a time lately. I still weigh 240, so no gain... but no loss, either. I am happy with last month's 8 pound loss, but here's the problem. I seem to have a "losing cycle" when I am eating right, that cycles right along with my "other" monthly cycle. For all these months, the pattern has been that I lose several pounds at once, twice a month, about 2 weeks apart. Then in between those loss periods, I maintain. So during one week in February I lost 7 pounds, then nothing the next week. Now, at the beginning of my monthly cycle, I only lost ONE pound. Usually I lose 3 or 4 pounds.

Maybe I am over-analyzing. I feel really grumpy about it. I have stayed under 1500 calories and have been riding my bike 3x a week. I expected a good couple of pounds to be gone this week, but nothing. I wondered if maybe I have a "mental roadblock" to getting into the 230's, and I think I do, somewhat, but I am working on that. I've been visualizing myself at that weight, and visualizing the scale in the 230's. But the cravings have been intense for the last 3 days (or more). Last night, I wanted to order pizza for dinner SO BAD. I mean, I was fantasizing about it. I could almost taste it. And I haven't had pizza in weeks, so I deserve it, right? One day off plan is okay, right? Well, I finally told myself, LOOK self. You are not going to lose any weight eating pizza. You're just trying to sabotage yourself into staying in the 240's where you have been marinating for over THREE MONTHS!! Now knock it off and shut up about the pizza. You can have pizza when you weigh 235 pounds. And not before.

Little things are sneaking in, like not eating much in the way of veggies and fruits lately. I had some white bread instead of whole wheat. I had fat free hot dogs... okay, but still not a very nutritious choice, and high in sodium. I had a couple of diet sodas, too, something I almost NEVER drink. I snuck 2 chicken McNuggets from my daughter's Happy Meal... and a couple fries. It was only about 150 calories, and I added it into my totals and still stayed under 1500, but LOOK at the choices I am making! Self sabotage. Has to stop. So I have fresh beets boiling on the stove, and a fruit salad in the fridge for my snack today.

I did make some better choices though. Yesterday I forgot my snack and I was in the store checkout, STARVING to death (yeah, all 240 pounds of my emaciated self) when I spotted the M&Ms. I have not had a candy bar in SO LONG. I wanted them. Then I thought I better take the peanut ones since there is something healthy in them. I actually picked them up. I forced myself to read the label. 250 calories in just a regular small bag of M&Ms! Not worth it. I put them back.

I made Swedish meatballs the other night using lean turkey meatballs. I was supposed to make the gravy from light sour cream, but when I went to get it, I was out! My husband had his full fat sour cream hiding in the back of the fridge. I had to use SOMETHING, so I used that (and threw out the rest of the sour cream, since he is out of town again for a couple weeks). The gravy was so rich, thick, creamy, FATTENING. I had a little for dinner over No Yolks egg noodles. I had some for lunch the next day. I had a thought that this SAUCE might be stalling my weight loss. So today I regretfully washed the sauce down the sink. No more sauce. I don't need it.

I hope I can keep my head in the game. I am pretty sure I can, but I really have to watch myself right now. Once I get into the 230's, for real, I think I will do better.

9 comments:

Honi said...

I dont advocate eating unhealthy at all.. but you dont have to deny yourself pizza.. make one.. its easy.. it may not be ooy goey and fatty but this one is good for you... You take a pita round.. put a little pizza sauce on it.. or used chopped roma tomatos , add some fresh chopped basil, sprinkle some italian seasoning on it.. add some reduced fat partially skimmed mozz cheese or a light 6 cheese variety blend.. whatever you like.. load it up with veggies, bell peppers mushroom.. bake it.. and its yum.. another variation.. Pita round.. chop up assorted veggies as mentioned above.. saute veggies in a little pam and olive oil.. season to taste.. put veggies over pita round that has a pizza sauce on it.. sprinkle on a little mozz cheese and bake at 350 until cheese is melted.. Another idea.. get a zuchini.. slice it into rounds.. not to thick not too thin.. put rounds on a pammed cookie sheet.. cover each round with a little tomato paste.. season and sprinkle a little moz cheese or assiago cheese bake until cheese is melted.. this is a staple in our house and a great appetizer everyone loves it.. low in calories and a great filling treat.. I got it from green lite bites.. its in my blog list.. there are options for cravings out there.. I know this is hard but try not sabatoge yourself.. you are so worth this effort of losing weight and getting healthier.. I promise~

Mimi the Blogger said...

Thanks so much for this post. Your struggles resonate so much with my own. Wanting the M&Ms but then looking at the calories and making the CHOICE that they weren't worth it. I'm so impressed. Hang in there! You are my hero. Mimi

Anonymous said...

Lyn,

Don’t be too hard on yourself. Remember, this is a whole lifestyle change and you are definitely on your way. When you read “lifestyle change” you (or I, or anybody) probably thinks first, “Oh man, that means I won’t be able to enjoy my chocolate cookies or ice cream.” That’s not true. What I mean to write is, like you’ve written, we have to separate our emotions from what we need to feed our body. TRULY think about it, will eating pizza make you HAPPIER in the end? NO, it won’t. It will only make you happy when you eat it, but for the next couple of days, your body will gain weight and in the back of your mind, you’ll be annoyed that you ate it.

And I DO think you need to be more patient. Again, don’t beat yourself up over it, but you need to BE CAREFUL in how you think of food. It seems you still attach it to bringing you the ONLY HAPPINESS.

I know this sounds kinda harsh and it‘s kinda meant to be, but I just want to SUPPORT you and remind you. I think you are SUCH an inspiration. Thank you for writing. And there’s nothing wrong with wanting to eat a greasy pizza over something that is actually healthy, but be responsible and accountable. If you want to lose weight, you DON’T need unhealthy pizza.

Thanks Lyn, you have helped me think differently about food and how I feel about it. You picking healthier snacks SHOWS you are developing a healthier lifestyle. YOU GO GIRL.

If you ever need words of encouragement, email frugalfit@yahoo.com. God is with you.

-Cindy

Heather said...

I think its good that you have taken a look at your habits and have seen how you are letting some things slide and that you can stop the negative thoughts when they appear in your head. I hear you abotu the cravings...I have been having them like crazy. but food will always be there and I figure I can have time to worry about it later on when I get to my goal.

Lynne said...

Do be hard on yourself. NO, you don't need pizza, or fatty snacks or too much salt. YES, you do need to eat veggies and make good choices AND FIGHT THE MONSTER. This is what it's all about Stringing together many good days = weight loss. Like 8lbs for you last month.

I get the MENTAL issues with moving into a new set of numbers (for me the 180s)but you KNOW what needs to happened and it doesn't entail PIZZA or any other kind of treat. It entails HARD WORK. If you need a treat, get a pedicure - don't make food a reward. FOOD is what got you into this mess, right?

Just a little tough love from someone who needs a similar kick in the butt!!

YOU ARE AWESOME IN YOUR RESOLVE - DON'T EVER STOP LIVING THE GOOD LIFE!!!!!

Christopher Maples said...

What else are you doing exercise-wise besides the bike 3x per week? Or have you thought about upping that to 5x per week? I've found that when I'm only putting in about three days a week of serious exercise, I completely stall out, but when I'm committed and hitting the gym 4-5 times per week, I see some pretty good results. Even at 4 days over 3. I don't know what it is, but even just that one extra day seems to make a world of difference for me. Maybe it's because I feel more committed so I'm not as tempted to sneak.

How much water are you drinking? I don't really understand, as a man, the chemistry in women's bodies that make them carry excessive water during that time of the month, but surely the body can only hold so much water (don't shoot me if I'm wrong!). I make sure to get in a minimum of 100 oz. per day, and most days somewhere in the 125-150 oz. range. Trust me, I stay flushed. :)

Ms Ingrid said...

You said "One day off plan is okay"

I strongly believe it is NOT. But that's just me.
Some people need 'all or nothing' attitude but some people can get away with cheating alittle once in a while.

I am just expressing my personal experience here.

You are doing great! I love your posts.

Lyn said...

Hi guys!
Honi, thanks for that zucchini pizza recipe! What a great idea. I will use that.

Christopher, I am pretty limited with my exercise due to some serious issues with my knees (you can read about them earlier in my blog... but basically I am in daily pain from degenerative arthritis, bone spurs in my knees and a torn meniscus). I am following my ortho surgeon's rules for exercise right now. I am increasing the bike rides by 2 minutes each week, so I am at 16 minutes now. I cannot bike on consecutive days tho.

I am going to add in some strength training (not involving knees... mostly arms and core) 3x a week as well. And after my surgery I can add in things like swimming and long walks.

Thanks all, for the support!

Christopher Maples said...

Sorry to hear about the knees.

Strength training sucks, but it's so much more effective for me than just cardio. The cool thing is that you can see results so much quicker, though.

Keep up the good work, and congrats on the breakthrough!