Wednesday, March 26, 2008

A New Low

Today I reached a pretty cool milestone. I weigh 236 pounds... a new low for me. According to my detailed fat records (comprised of many notebooks I kept whenever I tried new diets), the last time I weighed 236 or less was in mid-1998. Ten years ago.

I really have to sit and think about that. I have spent the last ten years fatter than I am right now. Half of my adult life, I spent fatter than this. It's just stunning to me. The time went by SO QUICKLY. Especially since I never really thought of myself as a "fat girl" because I was a healthy weight as a child, teen, and young adult. It really floors me to think that I managed to stay pretty much below 200 pounds until I was 28 years old~! What happened? How does a person go from an average adult weight of 160, to 278 pounds?? Something really major must have changed in my head.

Now, I often feel like the fat girl and the healthy girl are in a major cat fight in my head. Well, I take that back. At the BEGINNING of this weight loss journey, in August, I often felt that way. And the fat girl won sometimes. She got her way and stuffed herself with pizza and junk food. But now, even when I am struggling and having a few "off" days, it really seems like the healthy girl can subdue the fat girl and come out on top. Yeah, I think fat girl is on her way out. I hear from her less and less. And that, in itself, is a miracle. Because I have been in that place where some of you are now, with the healthy girl getting pummeled and squashed by the fat girl every day. I remember when the healthy girl was just a faint, occasional voice from the Great Beyond, whispering... "you can do it... you can lose weight... you need to..." ::SPLAT:: (that is the sound of fat girl plopping her ample bottom on top of healthy girl, silencing her for weeks or months). I woke up every day, hobbled to the bathroom, and thought, "I can't live like this anymore. It has to change." And then I would eat a healthy breakfast, and 2 hours later I would be in a full-blown binge... and since I blew it, I just ate junk all day long. I would start again tomorrow. And tomorrow. And tomorrow. And tomorrow...

Now here I am in a very different place. Healthy girl has gotten stronger. Fat girl is now the faded occasional voice that begs for pizza or chocolate... but healthy girl just shuts the door on fat girl now. I am becoming healthy girl. I am committed. I am doing this, and that's why, finally, after ten years, I am escaping the fat prison.

You can do this too. The way you shut the fat girl up is to keep telling her NO. And the way you strengthen healthy girl is to nurture her. Over time, making good choices day after day builds on itself, and it gets easier. I NEVER thought I could do this. But I can, and you can, and we deserve it. Make the commitment, even if you're not motivated. You are SO worth it.

9 comments:

Leticia said...

thanks, needed the pep talk today.

Kathy said...

Great post...thanks!

Sunny said...

Yup- this is so true, unfortuntely "fat girl" has basically taken over "healthy girl's" existance. She is barely a whisper now and so very far away. All I hear is "fat girl" screaming in my ear....but I'm tuning in to that far away whisper. I'm doing my best to nurture her once again and help her become strong enough to take control.....for good. Great post!

Heather said...

great accomplishment! you have come so far!

Dottie said...

Great job on kicking fat girls butt. I am on my way to kicking butt. The battle has begun and darn it...healthy girl is going to win! Congratulations!!

Anonymous said...

thank you for sharing... i'm at the "stuck" spot and am encouraged that a brighter day is just around the corner...

Christine said...

Thanks for this post. And congrats on your weigh in.

Hanlie said...

That's why Healthy Girl needs to work out! So that she can kick Fat Girl's butt!

I was the same as you. Normal until about age 25. Then I just ballooned until my all time high of345 pounds. I've stopped wondering how I allowed that to happen and am concentrating on getting back to normal!

Well done on your new low! You're a rockstar!

Lynne said...

A kick in the ass to "HEALTHY GIRL" Shun the "fat girl"!

I am happy to see that it can work! I, too, needed this kind of news today.