Tuesday, March 18, 2008

A Little Frustrated

This journey is never really easy. I know I used to read weight loss stories and blogs and think, "why is it so easy for them? I will never be able to do it." Well, I don't want you to think I am just cruising along without a hitch, so let me confess my struggle.

Yesterday I realized my husband would be coming home TODAY. I had it in my head that he was coming on Wednesday or Thursday. I figured I had plenty of time to get stuff done, pick up the house and just be ready for him to be home. (He is gone for weeks and sometimes months at a time, so it's kind of an emotional "big deal" when he comes back). The realization that I had only 24 hours til he arrives sort of threw me a little bit.

Then, my toddler had a fever of 102. She was feeling sick ("Mommy, my belly hurts!") and sort of gagging a little every so often like she was going to vomit. She has been going back and forth between sickly and miserable and wanting to be rocked, or being demanding and screaming. She lays on the couch and says, "cover me up" and when I do, she kicks the blanket off and screams, "NOT LIKE THAT!!" I cover her 526 different ways but it is always, "NOT LIKE THAT!!!" Then she says "there's something wrong" and takes off all her clothes every 15 minutes. Hm. Yeah, a naked, potty training toddler racing around yelling "where's my dress up shoes" is not conducive to salad making. But she is cute. Now she has on a dress and snow boots and a sun hat, holding a cup over her ear and singing the ABC song.

And then there's the other kids. One of my sons has a sore throat and is coughing. The other one came home from baseball practice yesterday with a giant cleat hole in his leg. Yeah, 14 year olds really need metal cleats @@. Anyway, apparently someone slid into him, cleat first, resulting in a metal cleat about an inch and a quarter wide and a third of an inch deep going entirely into my son's shin. And what did his coach do? Oh, he put a band aid on it and told him to keep playing. And what happened next? My son got hit in the back of the SAME leg with a baseball, bruising the muscle. My son came home limping. He could barely walk. Yeah, great.

Add in the stress of my health insurance ending, along with my writing an appeal letter and trying to fit in every single doctor appointment possible before April 1, and you have a recipe for a major binge.

I held it together all day long. I ate right. At dinnertime, I ordered pizza. I ate a *lot* of pizza. I felt sick from it. (However, I could not eat nearly as much pizza as I used to eat... at least that's a positive?) I also bought cookies (not the greatest move, but in the back of my head I was just dying for a sugar fix to "help" me through the day) and ate 3. I even drank some Coke with the pizza. My first Coke in months.

Now that it's over, I regret it. I see that FOOD was the way I always used to cope with stress. It is crystal clear to me that I used the food as an escape mechanism to distract me from the stress I was feeling. I haven't done that in quite some time. I really never want to do it again.

I feel ok today. Still a bit stressed, with the sick and injured children and the husband coming home in a couple of hours. But I am very clear with myself that I am NOT interested in continuing that pattern of behavior. I am making sure I stay within my calories today, and I will be upping my bike ride to 18 minutes as well. And now it is time to plan out my strength training routine.

On a happy note, I hit a new low of 237 yesterday! Hopefully, it will stick.


Anonymous said...

Of course the 237 will stick, it might go up a little (w/ the pizza, etc.) but DO NOT beat yourself up over it. Most everyone eats junk food once in a while. You're not a bad person for going back to your old habit this one time. You have to move on and you've learned something from it. Man, Lynn, you've come a long way, you're learning. Just keep developing better habits. When you get stressed, think about it and if you feel like eating, eat slowly, think about what you're eating and why. Don't beat yourself up.

Chubby Chick said...

Hang in there. It really is frustrating at times. Dealing with stress is something that I really need to work on, too.

Just writing this post was a positive step though. You fully recognize what happened. And this is a learning process. You're learning as you go, and you're moving forward. You are SO going to do this! :)

Karen aka Deadbudgee said...

This was one of the best entries ever. You are such a good person and a great Mommy. I was ROFL imagining your toddler in full sick toddler mode.

Anonymous said...

thanks lynn, i have enjoyed your blog but must confess that i have felt like you confessed to having felt; why is it easy for everyone but me? hearing that you struggle really helps me feel like even if it isn't easy, a person can still make progress. sometimes it seems like the only people losing weight make it seem so easy and the people who say they are struggling are not losing anything. anyway, it was such a relief, somehow, to know that you struggle, cause it is clear how far you have come and how far you will make it! thanks again.

Lynne said...

So, you fell off the horse --- BUT you got right back on. Half the battle is in recognizing what you are doing(i.e. eating a pizza b/c you are stressed out)and making the committment to stopping the behavior thus not not giving up or declaring diet failure.

We ALL have those days. The trick is to let them be ONE day and not a STRING of them.

AND husbands have NO clue when it comes to giving us a time when they are coming home. Will it be dinner or midnight, today or Friday?? They have NO idea how we structure our time, and how difficult it is when our schedule is out of kilter. I don't know about you, but that can be the BIGGEST STRESSOR of ALL!

Dottie said...

I so understand these types of days. I'm glad that you were able to identify that you did and feel a bit guilty about it. That means you have the right attitude. Keep on keepin on. We can do this!

Heather said...

yes I definitely get tempted to turn to food like I used to, but somehow I get better and better at it, and you will too. congrats on your weigh in, and hang in there!

Ryry the Adventurous said...

Oh I'm sure the 237 -wont- stick, because you're going to be 236 and 235 before you know it! :)

Best way I found to combat a pizza binge is to down the water the next day, bottle after bottle, because the majority of weight gained is water from all that salt. Feh! Keep up the awesome work!!!