Saturday, March 15, 2008

Hangin' In

Sometimes I get really frustrated that I am not losing weight any faster. I read about other people losing ten or fifteen pounds a month. It seems like others are just whizzing past me on the weight-loss scale. At times, I feel like I am standing still... but my standing still is taking a monumental effort.

I have posted about this before... mainly because it seems to happen that once a month I have a span of about a week and a half where I lose NO weight no matter how closely I stay on plan. If you look back in my blog you'll see this same lament once or twice before. Right now I am mid-cycle, and I generally go along eating right and exercising but losing no weight for 10 or 12 days and then WHOOSH! I drop a couple of pounds in just a couple of days. It' just how my body seems to work. I have weighed 238 for NINE days now, so I start to get frustrated. In the past, I would have whined:

"I am eating all these vegetables and stuff, and riding that dumb bike and for what?? I am staying the same weight! I work so hard for nothing! I could just eat fried cheese and lasagna instead if I didn't want to lose weight! This is stupid!"

And then I would go binge. That kind of rebellion is what got me to 278 pounds.

Look at the picture of me at 278. Just LOOK at it. When I took those pictures, I thought, "yeah, whatever, I don't look so bad." But now? Oh my gosh. I was huge. My eyes are opened. I looked like a stuffed sausage. I looked like I was about to burst open my skin and spill my insides all over the carpet. I was really hurting myself, and I didn't see it! I DO NOT want to go back there... not for fried cheese and lasagna, not for anything.

So now my response to a stalled scale is one of two things:

"This is annoying and really ticks me off. I want to lose weight faster. This isn't fair." grumble grumble....


"Oh well, I am sure it will come off eventually."

Either way, I don't go eat my frustrations away. I stick to the plan and wait and see what happens. And I always do lose some pounds eventually. Yes, it seems to be coming off slowly... but it is coming off, and that's what matters to me. I look at my 40 pounds gone pictures and at first, I couldn't see a difference. But after reading all the comments from readers, and staring at that picture awhile, I DO see a huge difference. I DO look better, and more importantly, I feel better. I am healthier. So whether it comes off 10 pounds a month or 1 pound a month, I will keep on doing this because either way I am going to be lighter and healthier at the end of a year.

The other day, I decided to let my kids have a special treat. I don't keep junk in the house anymore, so I went to the grocery store to choose one donut for each of them. (This was a big deal. Their eyes popped out of their heads when they saw them. I haven't gotten donuts in many, many months). As I was standing at the counter choosing one donut for each of my kids, a lady came up behind me on one of those ride-on scooter carts. She was obviously on it because of her very extreme obesity, which was limiting her movement greatly. She had been scootering along towards the bread aisle but when I opened the glass door to the donuts, her head whipped around in my direction and she nearly had a rollover accident as she steered that cart into a sharp turn to the donut counter. She parked up behind me and her eyes were almost falling out of her head as she watched me taking 4 donuts. I glanced over and smiled, but she was intently focused on the donuts, her jaw slacked, her eyes darting from the cream-filled to the chocolate-frosted. As I finished and stepped aside, she hauled her very large, very encumbered frame off that cart and hobbled the few steps over to the donut counter. I didn't watch to see how many she took, but I knew... I just KNEW from the look on her face that these were not for her family. These were for HER. I know, because I have had that look on my face many times in the past. The crazed, insane, gotta-have-donuts look. I knew that she would be sitting in her car in the parking lot in about 3 minutes, inhaling all the donuts she bought in a mad frenzy of delight and disgust. It made me really sad for her. I wanted to stand in front of her and cry, "No! Don't do it! It isn't worth it!" But I knew it had to be her decision.

I am never going back there, to that crazy place that I lived for ten years. I am going to hang in there, and if it means I maintain for a couple weeks each month, so be it. I will get to my goal. I am going to make it this time.


Heather said...

I am the same way...last month I lost like 2 pounds. Definitely not the weight I was losing. but as our bodies are losing weight, we need less and less food and more and more exercise to keep it moving. so its hard, but I am so glad to hear that you never want to go back to that. I have had experiences like you have had with the woman with the donuts that make me stop and think, wow I have come so far and I dont ever want to go back. you watn to just shake those people because youve been tehre and know that its not worth it, but I know it would never matter to them.

Anonymous said...

lyn, thanks for all the posts. when you start to get impatient, just remember, it's gonna come off. you've used food to stuff your feelings for 10 years, so to finally decide to stop like you have and change your lifestyle so food doesn't dominate it, IS A VERY BIG DEAL. You did it all by yourself. I can see you're starting to think of food differently. Remember, you're not missing out on anything when you don't eat donuts or lasagna or whatever. Remind yourself, and really remind yourself that you are NOT. You have to kick those old habits.

I'm starting to see how I would eat food when I was bored, sad, happy, again bored, whatever. Thankyou so much, because I realize this could have gone a lot longer.

On a different blog (Is it too late to lsoe those pounds), I like how he says eat less food, because it's so true. We eat WAY more than our body really needs. You're on your way, Lyn, b/c you're dealing with the emotional side, which is the most important. Drink water. When you drink throughout the day, you see you're not as hungry as you thought. Keep training yourself to separate your emotions from what your body needs to live. You are doing a DAMN good job and you're worth it. Respect yourself and treat your body right.


Donna B said...

I recently learned that it is safer and stays off if you don't lose more than around 2#'s a week. Some weeks you might not lose anything, and then the next week you drop more than the 2#'s. Limited yourself too much food wise just makes you want what you are keeping out too much. Balance is the key. The pounds eill add before you know it! Good Luck!

Donna said...

I used to be like that lady with the doughnuts. I would order 6-8, and hope the people didn't think they were all for me. But they were! I'm glad I'm not in that place any more.

Hanlie said...

I was also like that, not with donuts and sweet stuff, but with food. I'd buy two take-out meals for myself.

Good for you for recognizing your body's pattern. Someone else recently discovered her pattern recently by weighing in daily over the period of a few months and then plotting a graph. The monthly pattern was a clear as daylight!

Sybil said...

You speak my language, Lyn. You tell my stories. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.

brusk said...

the first time i cought myself eating hidden in a supermarket or bakery parking lot, i knew i had a problem.

it`s really sad

Phat Teacher said...

Wow- your attitude is GREAT! I understand completely where you are coming from: it's tough to work very hard and to not see the results you expect. The only thing we can do is just KEEP GOING and never looking back! YOu're going to make it girl!!!!!!
Phat Teacher

Cammy said...

You've got your mind on the right track. Do the things that are right for you, regardless of the scale. It will catch up. Last fall I went through a -1,+0.5,-1,+1, etc. pattern until I thought I would scream. I *did* scream the day I got on the scale and it read -6!

I think the pounds have been with us so long that they are reluctant to let go. Every now and then a group gets together, realizes you mean business, and jumps ship. :)

Hang in there!

Ryry the Adventurous said...

Like most of the above posters said... the rate you are losing is how it WILL stay off, for sure. 10-15lbs a month, sure, I'd love that too, but that will come right back on because either A: they are not nourishing themselves correctly or B: will not be able to retain the lifestyle they are currently in (weight loss reality shows remind me of this). You rock. Keep up the good work!!

Ready to Shrink said...

I was doing 10-15 lbs a month...and ya know what I was being a FOOD NAZI to myself. NOt eating with my hubby. Doing all JC foods and not enjoying any of it. Recently I changed some stuff. I eat my own breakfast (cereal which I love) and do some dinners with my hubby and when we go to the family for dinners. I am losing about 2#s a week now, yeah I want to lose more but I don't think I can keep up that pace I was going. I was not happy doing it that way...that can't be good. right?

Dottie said...

this is a very positive post and I really enjoyed it. I'm so proud of you. This is it. We're going to do this. We need each other for support, but we do not need to compare our losses. We are all different and will lose at different rates. In the end, I'm happy to say we'll all be losers! Yeah!!

Zentient said...

I have struggled with seeing other people do what I am working on stopping. How do I really feel about the woman who I pulled up next to in a parking lot, who was eating that huge burger combo meal, cramming it down as fast as she could? She seemed taken aback when she realized someone was seeing her, and she shot me a hostile look. For the rest of the day, I processed this incident, somehow knowing that I had to have kindness and compassion for her, because she is me! I was worthy of compassion when I was eating fast food in my car. Total accepting loving compassion, as I was, eating the whopper and fries. I was stunned how easy it was for me to be arrogant and condemning. How often did others do that to me? Now I try to remember to say in my thoughts, "I love you as you are" when I see others overeating or who are also greatly overweight. In doing so, I'm helping myself, too.