Monday, February 25, 2008

1/3 Way to Goal

The other day, I realized that I am 1/3 way to my goal of 168 pounds. Yes, I have lost just over a THIRD of ONE HUNDRED AND TEN POUNDS. That's really something. What an accomplishment! I am pretty proud of myself. I weigh 241 right now.

Sometimes it just seems so overwhelming. When I started this journey of "escaping from obesity," I wasn't sure I could do it. A hundred and ten pounds?? And even then, in reality, I would still be overweight. I really want to lose more than that if I can, but 110 seemed like a lofty enough goal for now. Only a person who has been obese knows how absolutely overwhelming it is to stand at the bottom of that mountain, look up and the summit, and think, "how am I going to do this? There is no way I can scale this mountain. It's too huge. It's too hard. I will just sit here at the base and cry and eat cheesecake because there is no way I can do it." Only a really fat person knows how it feels to get all geared up, tell everyone you are going to climb that mountain, and take a few steps upward, only to find your knees aching and your feet failing from under you. You fall in the dirt, you slip on the rocks. You struggle and sweat and all you have done is get 10 feet up the mountain. It's so, so easy to just roll right back down. But if you keep getting up, moving ahead, pulling and clawing your way towards to top, eventually you'll make it. It ain't easy. Sometimes you sit down in the dirt and cry, but you get back up and push some more. And now I am standing up and looking back down that mountain to see that I am a third the way up. The view is amazing, and I feel stronger than I ever have. When I turn my eyes back to my goal, it is not so far anymore. I know I am going to make it. You will look someday and see me standing right up there, on the very tippy top of that mountain, pumping my fist in the air and shouting, "I DID IT!!!" Won't you come along?

I have had some small victories as I have dropped the weight. The other day, I was trying on some of my clothes from last summer. They just HANG on me now. There is this one green shirt I had. It's just a t-shirt, but I remember one day when I was 278 pounds I went to put it on and I could no longer fit into it. It was so tight across my belly and around my arms that I looked like a stuffed sausage in it. It was a 3x. I cried when I took it off and hung it back up. Not long ago, I tried it on again. It is loose... even baggy. The belly area hangs on me. The arm holes are loose. Not only does it fit, but it's almost too big. I cried about that, too.

There used to be about an inch, or maybe less, between my belly and my steering wheel. When I wore a coat, the steering wheel rubbed against me when I turned it. The seat was as far back as possible. I was terribly embarrassed and distraught about my size, but didn't think there was much I could do about it. I used to wake up every morning after a night of heartburn and extreme discomfort from my fat suffocating me as I tried to sleep, and think, "I can't live like this anymore. I have to lose weight. There has to be a way." I woke up like that for YEARS. I tried. I'd lose and gain. But I always rolled back down the mountain.

Now I wake up in the mornings and feel good. I think, "I am living. I am doing right by my body now. I am happy." When I get into the car there are inches to spare between me and that steering wheel. And I know the best is yet to come. Do you realize that when I lose just 18 more pounds, I will be halfway to goal? Yes... this is possible. This is happening. If it can happen for me I truly believe it can happen for you too. Never stop fighting your way up that mountain. It will be so worth it when you are at the top, shouting with joy, a hundred pounds lighter.

20 comments:

Kathy said...

I totally understand. I've lost a lot but still have a way to go. But I found out a long time ago that I don't have to get to goal to feel better both physically and emotionally. The rewards are found all along the weight loss path. Good for you!

Anonymous said...

Lynn,

You are on your way. Thank you for being so inspirational and writing here. YOU (and PastaQueen & Dietgirl) have truly helped ME eat healthier. Thank you so much and I am rooting for you. I TRULY KNOW you can do this. Be patient and eat healthy. Don't forget the exercise. YOU GO GIRL!!!

-Cindy

Anonymous said...

Wow the steering wheel comment got me. When I was at my heaviest, I couldn't buckle my seatbelt when I had on a coat. I would have to not wear a coat in the middle of a MINNESOTA winter in order to obey the seatbelt laws.

Just this morning, it dawned on me that my seatbelt can be pulled way out and go beyond the steering wheel, even with my heavy winter coat!

You can do it. Celebrate each and every success!

Paula

Heather said...

wow congrats! you hae acheived so much! I completely understand..sometimes it feels so overwhelming..but you are doing it! also, congrats on your summer clothes being too big..complete proof of your accomplishments and hard work.

Katschi said...

I've quit drinking & smoking both of which were huge problems for me at one time. Weight loss is much harder.
You quit drinking -- the results are instant. You quit smoking ciggies -- the results are instant.
You work on losing weight -- results usually take months upon months and for some it takes years.
You can do everything right day after day after day and still it doesn't mean you'll see or even feel results for a long time. It can almost make you crazy. There are days I just want to throw the f***ing scale right through the wall and say f*** IT!!! This is too hard...my fat, grotesque,unco-operative body is a useless piece of s***!!!! And then I want to give up and eat and eat and eat.
So, honey, my hat is off to you...this isn't for wimps. This takes every bit of strength, persistence, patience & guts to do
and bloody hell, you're doing it, Lyn!!! Good on ya, girl, I'm rooting for you to reach the summit! I hope to plant my flag along side yours. I hope we all do.

Karen said...

So profound...and exactly how I feel about my 120 pound mountain. But as always, Lyn, you show us all that it CAN be done!!!

Karen

teenage girl said...

holy smokes! congrats!!
thats amazing =]

Chubby Chick said...

Keep up the good work! You are doing great!!! :)

Hanlie said...

This post made me cry. You are so right. And everytime we roll down that mountain we lose even more self-respect, especially since we've told everyone that we're going to do this! There is nothing wrong with sitting tight on the mountain for a while if you run out of steam, as long as you don't roll back... I really love this post and would like to quote you on this, if that's all right with you... (I'll link back to you too, of course!)

Manuela said...

Congrats!

There is no better feeling than to put something on and have it hang off you.

Keep up the fantastic work--you'll get to the top of that mountain. Just don't run up it, take your time and enjoy the trip!

Ready to Shrink said...

I am in the same boat. After reading your post I checked my own percentage progress to find I am almost exactly 1/3 of the way to my goal as well (how funny is that - 34%)

Way 2 Go! :) Excellent and INSPIRING post!

Lynne said...

You better bookmark this entry so that you remember HOW GOOD IT FEELS when you are having a bad day (and you will have them). My heaviest weight was 213 and I remember how SICK I felt when I finally got the courage to weigh myself. 6 Months later, I remember putting on a pair of pants and thinking I couldn't wear them b/c they were SO big. It is AWESOME!! But then there is today, I am in the 190s, where I have pretty much lived for the last 8 years. Who camps out on a plateau for EIGHT YEARS!! I am DONE living here. I am feeling positive (I feed off your energy) and I KNOW that I will break through this MENTAL WALL and get into the 180s, and downward. Save some room for me at the top of your mountain!

Ryry the Adventurous said...

CONGRATS!!! That is such a fantastic milestone.

Lyn said...

Quote away, Hanlie! Glad you enjoyed this post :)

barbra brusk said...

lyn,

i don't even know how i ended up in this URL for the first time (i am not even an enlgish speaker properly - but i can read well).

i don't think this blog is ABOUT weigh loss, obesity, escaping from something... i think this is about LIFE in general (and it HAS to be about life to last longer, because you are not gonna be obese for a long time. so, we will have many things to know and read about YOU when you get your goal. i like everything you write here. it's so profound and beautiful the way you put in words what you feel.
yesterday i had finally time to read everything you wrote since august. the way you write is awesome. (and a big sticky - i could not do anything but read you between 9 and 11 pm).

you must know that, really far from you (i live in brazil!) there is a person supporting you and hoping you get to win.

congratulations.
and the is no secret: be pacient - keep walking.

katie said...

I just found your blog and let me say, it is so powerful and well written. I may not be looking to lose weight, but that doesn't mean your blog isn't inspirational and meaningful to me as well.
I love the insight into your life and the honesty with which you deal with your problems. I wish I had the same honesty with my own problems (whatever they may be). Thank you, and I wish you the best.
Katie

Teale said...

You never fail to amaze me with your inspiring posts! This is a great one:)

Ms Ingrid said...

I just love how you compare the journey to climbing on top of the mountain.
I am pretty much /qoute/ "on the very tippy top of that mountain" and there is no better feeling than that.

Too bad I cannot write about it as well as you can, <- not good at creative writing.

Me Inside said...

This is a great blog; very inspiring!

Laura said...

Beautifully expressed! Not only was this post inspiring to me but look at all these responses! You really touched some souls! When you reach the mountain top you will have to rename your blog "Escaped From Obesity!" Yahoo!! LawRaw