Saturday, December 8, 2007

Crazy Lady on a Binge Rampage

The other day, I was PMSing bad. I mean BAD. I had seen this online ad for Dale and Thomas popcorn. Evil, fattening, diabetic coma inducing, chocolate-and-peanut-butter-covered popcorn. (Who thought of this?? The same person who deep fries Twinkies and Snicker bars??) It's something I had a long time ago when they were offering free sample bags for shipping and handling. And in my PMS stupor, I WANTED some. NOW. I was determined to fight the craving but I ended up pacing the house like a madwoman, thinking about baking a pan of brownies and smearing an entire jar of peanut butter on top and eating them all by myself. So I gave up and went on a popcorn run.

Dale and Thomas is hard to find. (If it isn't, please don't tell me!) But I knew I had seen it at Target once. There's a Target just a couple miles from my house, so off I went to quench my chocolate-and-peanut-butter-covered-popcorn craving (along with my Starbucks craving and my cheese popcorn craving. You know, that cheap no-name cheese popcorn you get in gas stations that turns your fingers orange?) There's a Starbucks in the Target! So I started off with a Tall (smallest available) Nonfat No-Whip Orange Mocha from Starbucks, about 200 calories (I didn't totally finish it). Mmmm, it was gooood. It was my midday snack, I told myself. Easy to justify an Orange Mocha when you have a 200 calorie snack planned anyway, right? Then I spent 45 minutes scouring Target for Dale and Thomas popcorn. And... horror of horrors... THEY DIDN'T HAVE ANY!!!!!! NONE!!! I would have settled for plain chocolate covered. But no. Nothing. So I looked at the Target brand popcorn and the Moose Munch, but it was all icky looking and none of it had peanut butter and all of it had caramel in it, yuck!! I eyeballed all the different Christmas candies, truffles, chocolates etc, but they were not REALLY what I wanted. So I left.

"Bravo!" you're crying. I can hear it. But wait. You don't really think a crazy PMSing obese woman on a binge rampage stopped there, do you? No. Like an elephant who's caught the scent of a roasted peanut stand 6 miles away, I stampeded out of that store and headed to the next Target over, in the neighboring town. I drove in the sleet and freezing rain, mumbling to myself, "stupid Target, ruining my life..." Then I arrived at the other Target and made a beeline to the candy aisle. NnnnnnnnnoooOOOOOoooooOOOOOO!!!!!!! They didn't have it either!!!! What is wrong with these people????? I was getting desperate. I rooted around in the candy aisle looking for something... anything remotely like chocolate-and-peanut-butter-covered-popcorn. Nothing!! Just the nasty caramel corn!! Then I saw these big ol' vats of chocolate dipped pretzel rods! AHA! That would do. I dug through 3 displays looking for what the shelf tag called "chocolate peanut butter drizzle pretzel rods" but they were OUT of that kind!!! Oh the pain, the agony.... so I looked at the calories on the dark chocolate covered pretzel rods (a flash of sanity in a whirlwind of craziness): 160 calories each. I could have ONE and give the rest to my kids for Christmas. I hurtled through the checkout, wild-eyed and drooling, and got to my car. I tore into that vat and got out my ONE pretzel rod, throwing the rest into the way-back of the car. I munched into it and felt the relief coming over me. It was close enough. I wonder what one would taste like with peanut butter all over it?

With only ten minutes to spare until my kids got home from school, I started to hit the gas stations for the cheese popcorn. I started with the first 7-11 I saw. Nada. NO cheese popcorn. Okay, I had to go to a seedier gas station to find the no-name bag of orange sin. I stopped at a junky dirty looking gas station: no luck. Then the Chevron Food Mart: all they had was that ridiculous white cheddar Smart Pop, a blasphemy and a mockery of the "real" fake orange cheese popcorn. So on the another 7-11. After coming up empty handed at FIVE gas stations, I stopped at one last store and settled for a 99 cent small bag of Smart Pop, grumbling, "stupid gas stations and their dumb white popcorn," paid, and sat in the car eating half the bag.

I went home. I didn't finish the popcorn; I gave it to my son. I did have two more pretzel rods (one smeared with peanut butter), but then I stopped. I turned human again. I realized I had almost gone off the edge with my eating, but I had really done okay. And instead of a full dinner, I had a very small serving. And I still weigh 245 today.

Disaster averted... I did make some good choices. I avoided brownies. I didn't buy a bunch of candy, and I still had reasonable portions. This is as reasonable a binge as I have ever had. I think I have come a long, long way from the insanity I blogged about back in August. I hope someday food won't make me nuts like this, but for now, at least I have it under control.


Lauren said...

good for you girly., I am also in the pms insanity right now. I went to baskin robbins today.

Cynthia in NW Arkansas said...

I can soooo relate to this post.
I am proud that you were able to stay in control...major accomplishment for us binge-eaters.
YAY 4 U,
P.S. you'll never guess what I did last night....I HAD A REAL DATE. This gentleman is so sweet...and we had a 3 hour conversation about many things, including weight...his and mine.
That was so have honest, open communication with a guy....about things of substance....and the date was so wholesome and refreshing!!!!
We've got a 2nd date planned for next weekend...wish me luck.

Anonymous said...

It's great that you decided to do whatever it takes to get what you really wanted instead of settling for brownies or candies...I would've gone for the brownies and then regret afterward. Good job!

Heather said...

well good for you for stopping before your binge got any worse. I really dont think it was that bad. And it really is intersting that you were unable to find what you wanted because I would have probably taken it as a sign that I wasnt supposed to be eating any of that and given up. Its probably a good thing you couldnt find exactly what you wanted and all your running around to different places got you up off your butt and moving around and that isnt a bad thing either!