Saturday, November 10, 2007

Epiphany

I have to say I had a little victory over myself today. I was sitting here feeling like hibernating, fighting major urges to eat, feeling bored yet not wanting to do anything. I sent my oldest outside with the toddler to play in the leaves since it is nice out today. I walked out on the deck to check on them, and it was just glorious... the sun on my skin, the golden leaves on the trees, a cool fresh breeze on my face. The leaves were gently fluttering down like huge yellow snowflakes, falling so gently and almost silently around me. I looked down off the deck and saw my little girl running around in the leaves. I could smell them as they crunched under her tiny feet, and the sound mingled with her laughter as her older brother piled leaves over her little slide and buried himself in them, popping out to yell "Boo!" every so often. Life! I had almost forgotten. I get so used to sitting inside, wasting my time with endless television drama and the infinity of the World Wide Web. I had no energy. I wanted to sleep. Or eat. Or just sit. Somehow the very effort of trying to walk outside and join in the *life* seemed too hard.

So I walked back inside, and sat down at the computer. I felt sluggish... I felt like it was cold and gloomy and grey outside. But it wasn't. I walked back out on the deck to the scene I had left before. There it was, real as day, *life.* "I should rake some leaves," I thought, "but I don't want to. I am too tired. I think I will go make a blog about how nice it is outside but how all I want to do is sit inside and veg all day, doing nothing. I think I will blog about how I need to find some motivation to stop messing around doing nothing online, and start living." Then, with the sun on my face and leaves falling around me, with my daughter's laughter in the background, I had an epiphany. This is the same as *dieting* or the process of losing weight. You NEVER really *feel* like doing it. I spent ten years waiting for "motivation" to come and bite me in the butt, and it never came. Sometimes, instead of trying to "get motivated," what we really need to do is just do it. Take action. Sometimes, the action has to come first, and the feelings/desire later.

So I plopped down the stairs, grabbed my work gloves and shoes, and headed out the back door. I grabbed a rake and a trash can and got to work. I immersed myself in fall... in *life.* And 45 minutes later, sweat dripping off my brow, I had 5 huge bags of leaves filled, a raked yard, and a new outlook on life. It felt GOOD. My arms and middle feel *Alive* for the first time in ages. I cannot remember the last time I broke a sweat from activity, and it was very invigorating. And I am so glad I took the plunge. I would have missed out on so much if I had waited for the motivation to come.

Don't let life pass you by. Don't sit around waiting for motivation before you change your life. You don't want to wake up, like me, and find that ten years of obesity has passed. It does go so fast, if you're not paying attention. So do it now... whether it be eating right, getting outside in nature, or playing with your child. Because you will never have another *today.*

15 comments:

Leigh said...

I had some very similar thoughts today! Too funny- because I got out and raked leaves too, lol! My daughter thought it was great, and it is a good workout!!!
I struggle with lack of energy/motivation all the time. There are so many things I wish I felt like doing... but I never do. Just doing it is the answer... but it is still hard. Hopefully it gets easier as we keep on trying!

Dominique said...

Such a great blog! very proud of you!

~ Curvyjones

Anonymous said...

Wow..this is an entry that I've got to go back to reread over and over again whenever I feel unmotivated...you're really my motivation...thank you...& keep going, I think you got a great chance of making it!

Alexis said...

I think this is my favorite post of yours so far. :)))

hanlie said...

Thanks so much for that!

~W~ said...

Beautifully written. You are so right. Time just passes by ever so quickly. I was telling myself, time will fly whether I am living healthy or not, so instead of next year having the same problems with obesity , I can be healthy and energetic.

What a wonderful feeling of accomplishment!

Heather said...

That sounds wonderful!! we all need to do that, just stop and enjoy life. Its nice too to not be constnatly thinking about the scale, weight, a number. sometimes its nice to just enjoy life and immerse youself in it. Today I cleaned for 2 hrs and enjoyed making my home shine. I didnt think about weight the whole time and its nice. Im glad you had a great day!

MB said...

Great post. You are absolutely right. I got out and did yard work this weekend too when I really wanted to take a nap.

Twix said...

Exactly! You nailed it! I have done the same thing. Lived within these walls for way to long. Making it my own prison. Not going outside for weeks at a time. This epiphany is great! I had it too! Now I am out walking as much as I can. I started roller skating. And I am playing at the park with my kids. It has been a struggle. Because I didn't want to at first. You're right some times you have to put the action first! I am getting those awesome feelings for being out in "life". I am even seeing glimmers of the honest to goodness desire to go out and not have to force myself. Isn't it AWESOME when you experience this! So COOL!! I'm so proud of you for getting out and raking up all those leaves! Keep it up! Enjoy each and every day you are given. Each is a true gift! Enjoy them!

honib1 said...

BRAVO for that EPIPHANY .. excellent post.. I think sometimes just pushing ourselves makes us realize that we feel better living than waiting.. pushing can be really hard.. but well worth it ...

Teale said...

I have to take action first EVERY time I go to the gym. If I didn't take action & just waited to feel like going, I would NEVER get there.... you do what you gotta do, I suppose!

iCANdothis said...

I just read your entire blog (forgive me for sounding like a stalker... but I dont do anything at work and needed some motivation) and you have been such an inspiration to me. i am so encouraged by your words, and no matter how often you could have just said, "Screw it" you gave reasons why you should keep going... the reasons I often ignore myself. thank you!!!

Sandy said...

Thank you! Very well said, I think we all feel that way sometimes and I must say reading this makes me a little more serious about what I'm doing.

Weigh to go..lets see said...

HI My name is Jennifer and I am in the same struggle as yourself...Losing weight, reading your blog was interesting as it sounded alot like me..I just wanted to tell you it sound slike your taking a step in the right direction, :) If we keep taking them we will be there :)

bonnie said...

thank you for this --for sharing.
you have inspired me.
i am inspired.