Here are some of the highly requested, much awaited "After" pictures I have been promising you! Granted, I am not done losing weight yet, so they are not FINAL afters, but they are "after 30 pounds lost."
Let me begin with a photo I took back in August, about 3 months ago. Remember when I posted that I used my belly as a mouse pad, mousing across it when I typed on my laptop? Well, here is the mouse pad belly.... before.... and after (now):
Not bad!!! And now, some "after" shots in the style of the lovely "before" pictures I have posted at the top left hand side of my page. Same clothes:
Side view before.......and after:
What do ya think? See a difference?
An interesting phenomenon has accompanied my weight gain over the last ten years. I have fewer and fewer photos of myself. Back in the early 90's, I have lots of photos of myself: getting married, having fun, holding my new babies, playing with my children. There are family shots, group shots, shots with my friends, holiday shots. But then, suddenly, when my weight shot up to 227 in 1998, the pictures started to dwindle. And when I got up to 245, I deliberately avoided the camera. Fast forward to 278, and something dramatic but sad happens. The family album is full of photos of my kids... but no Mom. No family pictures. No holiday shots. None of me playing with my kids. Partly because it wasn't happening, and partly because I knew how bad I looked. Years go by in the albums and there is no evidence my kids even HAD a mother. How very sad. No family portraits for the walls, and no candid happy family shots. I feel cheated.
By late 1998, I weighed 245 pounds. I have stayed above that weight consistently for nine years, except for a few months when I got down in the high 230's doing South Beach Diet in 2003. So 245 is a major milestone for me. Funny thing, though. In 1998, I remarried. I thought I looked pretty nice in my wedding dress. Nothing like the dress I wore the first time, when I weighed 140, but still nice. And then someone sent me a snapshot they took of me after my wedding. I was sitting in a chair, stuffing cake into my face. When I saw that picture, I was MORTIFIED. I cried. I plastered it on the refrigerator so I would stop eating. Obviously, it didn't work. Recently I found that old picture again. On the back is the date, and the words, "245 pounds." Yes, I looked horrid, but gaining 33 pounds MORE did nothing for my self image or my looks. So, for quite some time, one of my goals has been to get back down to 245. To weigh 244, LESS than I weighed in that picture. And now I am getting so close! I was down to 246 before Thanksgiving and the flu, but I gained 4 pounds and am now 250. I think it will come off quickly... but my point is, it will be truly freeing when I weigh less than I do in that picture. (I think I look better than that picture now, even though I weigh about the same...) It's an emotional thing. And why do I block out the face in every picture? Why am I, as my friend put it, "the headless dieter"? Because I am embarrassed. I am humiliated. I would just die if someone I used to know when I was thin and hot stumbled across this site and recognized me. And so, I remain faceless. I want to end this era of obesity, indulgence, immobility and sadness. It's time to break free. I am on my way.
50 Shades Of Tan
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