Saturday, August 25, 2007


Don't ya sometimes wish there was a pill you could take that would block food from your system? Heck, I guess lots of people wish that, because the diet pill industry is a multi-billion-dollar industry. I wish I could eat a pint of Ben & Jerry's and half a pan of brownies right now, and then take a pill and *zoop* it would disappear and I would still lose weight. I sorta miss eating all that junk sometimes. There is something reassuring and transcendental about a sheet of hot, sticky homemade chocolate chip cookies fresh out of the oven. That has got to be my main downfall right there. I have the perfect recipe for chocolate chip cookies. When I make them, I feel almost like I am praying. Or seeing God. I look into that magic bowl and see the piles of white and brown sugar creaming into the soft butter and I think I have gone to heaven. I smell the vanilla and close my eyes and am in paradise. Lastly I fold in those deceptively tiny, innocent looking semi-sweet chips, and then... I taste it. In goes the finger, out it comes, covered with a cookie's worth of dough, and then before I know it, the heavenly concoction is melting down my throat and into my bloodstream and all over my thighs. Oh yeah, I forgot. That is how I got this way. That is what formed my hell. Because, as most fatties know, I did not stop with a taste of dough. I ate at least a CUP of dough, and then, as soon as I got that first sheet of cookies out of the oven, I burned the hell out of my fingers and lips trying to eat every single hot cookie before my kids noticed they were done. The crisp edges... the soft melty centers... the gooey chips.... oh Lord. That and a glass of milk, and I was set. Set at nearly 300 pounds.

So here I am now, fantasizing about food the way normal women fantasize about hot men. I *want* 3 dozen hot chocolate chip cookies. I *want* a pan of brownies. I *want*.... more than any of that... to be thin, and healthy. I want not to wear my pants out between the legs within a month of buying them. I want to not need a crowbar to haul myself up off my couch. I want to be normal. And so, since there really is no pill to make the goodies disappear after I eat them, I have to stop eating them. I mean, sure, you can take that new, over-the-counter pill we all know about, that will block fat, but you just can't eat 3 dozen cookies and take that pill. Even eating some buttered toast while taking that pill can result in "oily anal leakage" (shudder). Can you IMAGINE what would happen if you ate 3 dozen cookies??? (double shudder). No, I think I will keep my un-leaking anus, thanks, and learn to control my mouth instead.


Peggy said...

I know exactly how you feel, Lyn!
If wishes came true, I would be thin and I would suppose happy. But you know, as I think about it more, I believe that I need to be happy AS I get thin. I've spent the last 20 years wishing I was thin, and as I've yoyo'ed up and down the scale, I think have put my faith in the wrong thing. It's not in the number that's on the scale that I need to focus on to make me happy. I need to make myself think about the blessings that I've been given every day. I think I need to quit wishing on a number, and wish instead for the grace to be content AS I lose weight. To be content whether or not the scale number moves or stays put. To be content with good healthy food instead of processed junk that may satisfy for a moment, but will make me feel worse right after I eat it. I think I've been wishing on the wrong things.
I'm determined that this is the LAST time I'm losing the 13 lbs I've lost..and I'm going to add more to it. It's so great that you've lost 11!!! That's wonderful!!! You can do it...I know. As for the cravings...they stink don't they? I make myself look away from the commercials, because they bother me so much at times. But, it's getting a little better. I hope it is for you, too.
Take care and God Bless,
PeggyP 3FC

The Lassie said...

Amen, Sister. ;)

That's just what we had in mind when we named our blog. Cause there just bloody isn't a pill like that if you want to get really healthy and stay that way, sad though it may be. ;)

I absolutely feel the same way about a lot of dishes still, but I am hoping that eventually my cravings will lose their edge and that I won't have to force myself to skirt around the munchie aisles in the shops any more.

You go, girl!

Chubby Chick said...

I'll take an un-leaking anus over a magic diet pill any day of the week! lol

And I'll take being thin and healthy over a batch of choc. chip cookies, too! It's nice to know that I'm not the only one who craves those little devils! I always made my cookies even MORE fattening by taking an extra half a bag of chips and grinding them up in my food processor, and then adding that to the dough.

I actually found a free healthy snack giveaway at I selected a chocolate chip oatmeal cookie. Can't wait 'til that baby gets here! lol