Wednesday, August 8, 2007

Update, and Binge Confessions

Well, I am down to 271 as of this morning. So all the weight I gained on vacation is now gone.

I am tired of all the yo-yoing up and down. I have worked on my eating habits and exercise for years. In December I set goals for myself, started eating 1800 calories a day (tracked on ) and was walking every day. I have terrible knee problems, so my walks started out as about a 1 minute walk across the street to check the mail, and back home. I worked up to walking to the end of a long block (might be 2 blocks) and back home in about 15 minutes. I was also doing some hand weights and stretches 3 times a week. And what did all that hard work and dedication get me? A 12 pound loss. Yes, 12 pounds is good. But I mean, I WORKED so hard. I never missed a day. I drank tons of water. Yet it took me many months, and by summer I was 266 pounds. Then I got frutrated and gained some of that back.

It kills me that it takes months of hard work to lose 12 pounds but only 2 weeks to gain it all back. That is probably why I am so fat. I can eat everything under the sun: cakes, cookies, ice cream, chips... and gain so fast it makes your head spin.

Now let me make a confession. This is a confession that no fat person wants to make (especially me). I never tell anyone how much I eat, and I almost never overeat in front of anyone. But when the kids are in school, and husband is out, look out! (Also when I was single I could probably outbinge anyone, and often did). It was nothing for me to eat a whole bag of chips or cheetos AND 4 or 5 hot dogs on buns at one sitting, WITH a can or two of Coke. And an hour later I could eat a pint of Haagen Daz ice cream and a half pack of Oreos. I have eaten an entire package of Dove ice cream bars in one sitting. I have eaten an entire pizza by myself. Granted, I have not done this kind of binging in months, maybe even years but the effects are still hanging off my body. And I never got sick from binging. Sure, I felt sickly full and disgusted and uncomfortable, but I never threw up or stayed up sick all night. I can eat an incredible amount of food and not feel stuffed or "too full."
A typical binge day might be:
Breakfast: 4 slices of cold pizza (leftover) and a Coke
an hour later: 2 candy bars and milk
another hour later: bag of chips with onion dip and a coke
one more hour later: 2 more slices of cold pizza
Lunch: whole box of macaroni and cheese, AND a few Kraft Singles as well, and a homemade milkshake, and some donuts.
2:30 before picking kids up from school: Big Mac Value Meal (Supersize) with fries and coke and of course 3 to 6 of those yummy chocolate chip cookies, or sometimes a brownie sundae.
4pm half bag of oreos and milk
5pm crackers, cheese, summer sausage while preparing dinner
Dinner: 3 plates FULL of fettucine alfredo, 6 slices of garlic bread, 2 cokes.
Dessert (funny huh?): 3 slices of cheesecake from a bakery cheesecake, and a hershey bar and milk
After kids were in bed: 1 more slice of cheesecake and milk

Yes, that is how I would eat on a binge day. I am not exaggerating. I never used laxatives or threw up. Just ate and ate. Notice I drank NO water and NO fruits or veggies (usually for days or weeks on end). Sometimes I would eat like this for weeks at a stretch. It is amazing I am not 500 pounds.

I have eaten 12 boxes of peanut butter and chocolate Tastycakes in one day. I was under extreme emotional distress at the time and it was my "coping mechanism."

Do you think it is unhealthy to eat an entire can of biscuits? You know, the kind in the refigerated can that you pop open and bake? Well, how about this: I would take that can of dough and flatten each biscuit and DEEP FRY those babies in hot oil, and then roll them in sugar and eat them all!

Onion rings are bad, right? Well how about dipping them in full fat tartar sauce?? I would eat a huge thing of onion rings and half a jar of tartar sauce. Pizza? Not unhealthy enough... I would dip my pizza in full fat Ranch dressing. I bet I had a good 8oz of Ranch with every pizza I snarfed down.

Bad to eat a Hershey bar? I would slather on a quarter cup of peanut butter and eat it like that.

Sometimes I wonder if I was trying to hurt myself.

Anyway, all that is behind me. Now my very worst binges consist of eating half of an 8 by 8 pan of brownies but eating healthy the rest of the day. Still bad, yes, but considerably better than before. If I can control my binging to just once a week or once a month, I am on my way to eliminating them altogether.


WaistingAweigh said...

Oh my gosh! I might be your twin only shorter! I can so relate to days and weeks of binging, eating just as you wrote. I'm still having problems with that, but you are giving me hope that things can get better. Congratulations on finding a plan that is working for you!

MB said...

I told you I'd be back.

What an honest post. It is so true.

I could have written a similar post myself. The only difference would be the types of food but the volume was the same. I would eat bags of choc covered pretzels, pizza, bread, pasta, rice, sugar, flour, basically a carboholic.

I know the only thing we can do is keep trying. Never give up. You're worth it.

Katschi said...

Are you me? We're cut from the same cookie cutter that's for sure!I'm reading your entire blog right now (it's Feb. 2008 when I first visited) I'm just an inch taller and started off at 280.8 lbs so just a tad different. weight loss isn't fast for me...I'm looking forward to seeing your progress...mine too!

Anonymous said...

I just found your blog today nearly five years later. Your honesty i admire. I am currently over 450 pounds ( i don't have a scale that goes over 440) and I am 51 years old. I am trapped in my house now. I know the painful knees. I know the embarrassment of going out seeing people who have seen me thin......I am going to continue to read your blog. Thank you for your honesty in posting.