Friday, August 10, 2007

The Sugar Fog

Well after a week (almost) of eating mostly healthy stuff, I am FINALLY starting to feel better. I always feel like I am in a sugar-induced depression/fog when I am eating junk. It takes days of eating right for it to lift. Then I feel clear headed, and I actually care more about myself. Do I still want junk? Absolutely! I have been craving hot dogs like you would not believe. It's the salt/fat combo that I love. I just love a Hebrew National or Nathan's hot dog on a toasted bun with ketchup and/or French's Spicy Brown mustard! Problem is, I cannot eat ONE hot dog. I usually (when I get in a hot dog mood) will eat 4 or 5 hot dogs in one sitting, and my favorite accompaniment is crunchy Cheetos and Coke. Mmmm, I am salivating at the thought of it! But then I look at my big belly and thighs and think, "I have about 400 hot dogs stored ON my body. I certainly do not need more." And I hate how I feel after I eat them.

Which brings up the point: why do people go off their healthy eating plan if it only makes them feel bad, go into a fog of depression, and get fatter?? What could possibly make a person do such a thing? Well, maybe we MISS the fog. It is easier to go through life (in a warped sort of way) when you don't have to feel anything, don't have to face anything, just sit in a fog and whine to ourselves about how bad we have it. It is harder to LIVE. But better. Of that I am sure.

And so, I am out of the fog, and although I still have this nagging voice in my head, I am ignoring it. It says to me, "You REALLY want those hot dogs. You are already fat. You are not losing weight very fast. Go ahead, have the hot dogs. Get it all over with in one day. Have the 4 or 5 or 6 hot dogs, a bag of Cheetoes and a coke. And since you are going off, have some Reece's cups too. Oh and maybe some cheesecake, and some chocolate ice cream. Just one day can't hurt THAT much. It will taste SO good. Go on. Have it! No one will care." But guess what? I CARE. And for that reason I am NOT listening to that lame voice in my head. Listening to that voice has gotten me where I am right now: MORBIDLY obese!! I must not forget that. If there is a devil, this is him. So shut up, devil, I am going to take care of ME.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Your writing is really inspiring.
congratulations for loosing so much.
You write really well.

safi

Katschi said...

I'm in awe at how similar we are with our eating.
That's my holy grail...what exactly makes me eat that first, crappy thing that leads me to go right off eating well and staying there for months at a time, getting fatter and more miserable with an even longer way to go to get to a reasonable weight.
I'm enjoying reading your posts alot...I can relate to almost everything you're saying.