Tuesday, August 7, 2007

SO Tired

Imagine being so exhausted you would prefer to sit on the couch or lie in bed all day because moving is just too tiring. Imagine that every time you wanted to go outside to play with your child, you had to strap an extra 130 pounds to your back, go down a flight of stairs with bad knees, endure extreme joint pain, take a few steps out the door and find a lawn chair that can hold 300 pounds and plop yourself down in it because you were so wiped out and in pain you could not stand a second longer. Imagine doing that, sitting in the chair watching your child play because you are too exhausted and in pain to play WITH them. If the child decides to run off out of the yard, you have to pry your wide load out of the lawn chair, and hobble in pain after them crying, "come back! come back!" and praying they will stop because you know your 2 year old can outrun you. And then when "playtime" is over you have to haul BACK up that flight of stairs with your extra 130 pounds on bad knees. Do you think you would go out much?

I know it is a vicious cycle. No activity makes me fatter, being fatter means less activity. I have to be more active to lose the weight, but it is so exhausting. Perhaps I can lose a significant amount through changing my eating alone. If I were only 50 pounds lighter I could play with my child again. I could fit in chairs again. I would feel human again.

Good news: today I am 273 pounds. Five pounds gone. What I am doing is working, but it is slow going. I am convinced that is why so many people stay fat: they get impatient. They work so hard, restrict their eating, and only lose a pound or two a week (which is the safest way to lose). But when you have over 100 pounds to lose, it seems like it takes FOREVER! I only hope I can continue and persevere until I reach my goal.

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