Monday, August 20, 2007

Losing Isn't a Race

I have to keep telling myself that losing weight isn't a race. It is not about how fast it comes off, or who I lose faster than. Sometimes I feel like I am getting left behind. Lots of my obese friends are also trying to lose weight. It seems like they are all succeeding faster than I am. I feel like I am being left in the dust while everyone else gets thin, get praise, gets attention, gets the body *I* want. I am working hard. I want it, too. It is discouraging not being able to "keep up" with my friends' losses. Don't get me wrong, I am thrilled for them all. I want them to lose weight. But I don't want to stay "the fat one." I want to lose weight, too.

It feels like it is so slow. But, you may ask, didn't I just lose ten pounds in a week and a half?? Well, yes, but then I have sat at that weight for a few days. (Now, in print, that sounds laughable. Being upset that I am not losing for a few days). But last night I finally went and had pizza with my kids. It was SO salty. After 2 weeks of all natural foods, it affected me greatly. I gained 3 pounds literally overnight. Yes, I KNOW it is water weight. I KNOW the extreme sodium content of my meal is what made me bloated. But it is depressing!! I don't want to GAIN weight! Ugh! I want the weight to come off faster. But what can I do? It is healthier to lose more slowly anyway. I know all this in my head, but my heart just aches because I am so tired of being fat. I don't want to be fat ONE MORE DAY. But I have to be. However I DO NOT have to be fat one more YEAR. Well, maybe fat, but not morbidly obese! Surely I can lose another 15 or 20 pounds in the next few months! Surely I can escape these bars of fat I have surrounding my soul. I have to have hope.

2 comments:

Chubby Chick said...

Hi, Lyn. I know exactly how you feel! I need to lose 200 pounds. I've only been on my diet for a week, and I feel like I should already be thin! Isn't that crazy? I know this is going to take time. It takes time for everyone. But I do get impatient sometimes. I think that one week should undo a lifetime of pigging out, and it just doesn't work that way. But I've decided that's OK. We just need to take this one day at a time and do the best that we can each day. The weight WILL fall off. Don't be discouraged. Just keep up the good work! We can do this together, girlfriend! :)

Caroline said...

Hi, I am here via 3FC and I just wanted to say that after reading through your entire blog (I'm at work, I have a lot of time on my hands!) I think you are tremendously brave. You've disclosed a lot of the struggle of being obese that most of us don't talk about out of shame, and I could really relate to what you said. I'll look forward to reading more!