Sunday, August 6, 2017

10 Years of This

This past Friday marked my 10-year Bloggiversary... ten years since I started this blog back in 2007. Ten years of this! I lost 103 pounds and gained most of it back, and last year I swore up and down that I was so done messing around with this and was DETERMINED to get the weight back off by my ten year blog anniversary, or quit blogging.

Obviously I have not gotten the weight back off. I hit 260 pounds at the start of this year, and have only lost about ten pounds since then. I also made a goal last year to finish my "Fat Mom Across America" biking journey by my ten year anniversary. That didn't happen either.

Well, enough with the talk and no action. So I won't be posting again until I am under 240 pounds. If I never get under 240 pounds, I won't be posting again. At all.

Hope to "talk" with you again soon. But if not, it's been a good run. I loved the wonderful highs of seeing my body getting smaller and healthier, reaching new goals, seeing the difference in photos every ten pounds. I so enjoyed the great community that blogging created. Getting to experience the rewards of all my hard work was worth it, and a blessing. Thank you for being here along the way.

Thursday, July 20, 2017

Oh, the Food!

I am really hopeful that this time is the last time I have to lose this weight. I very much want to succeed at this once and for all, even though I know maintenance is the next phase in this journey... a phase that never ends. So far I feel good, I am tracking my calories and biking every day. All I need to do is continue. Sounds pretty simple, but I know there will be hurdles along the way. 

Today I enjoyed
Breakfast: Egg beater omelet with bacon, spinach, avocado, and olives and iced coffee with sugar free syrup and half and half
Snack: protein shake
Lunch: light string cheese, ham, and a peach
Snack: Moon Cheese, pretty good stuff and no carbs in most flavors!! Was out and about and grabbed this on the go. Crunchy and yummy.
Dinner: the last of the calabacita (beef, tomatoes, onions, summer squash, and corn) with a bit of sour cream
Snack: chocolate protein bar

So this was a more processed day because I was busy. I have had a lot going on the last few days. Another day this week:

Breakfast: protein shake, coffee with cream
Lunch at a restaurant: grilled chicken breast over a Romaine salad with Parmesan, bacon, and Caesar dressing. Side cup of chicken enchilada soup. Plain iced tea with lemon.
Snack: sugar free pudding
Dinner (potluck): shredded pork, one deviled egg, spinach salad with berries and red onions in vinaigrette, cabbage slaw in a not-creamy dressing, pickles, asparagus, watermelon, and a Clementine.

Even on days that I am eating out, I am estimating my portions and tracking everything. I stay as low carb as I can while still enjoying every bite!

Tomorrow I only have one appointment so will be preparing all my meals at home, including chicken breasts, salad, and sauteed vegetables. Some cucumber slices with hummus will also be on the menu.

Can I just say that I really enjoy cheese, bacon, avocado and chocolate? I am never going to eliminate those foods completely. I am going to fit them in and lose weight while I eat them. Of these, the most problematic is cheese because I could eat it all day! It's too high in fat (even lower fat versions), sodium, and calories, So I do limit it and watch for weight loss stalls when I am eating it too often. But don't hate on my bacon, avocado, chocolate and cheese! You can hate on my Doritos, but not my fab four.

Hoping the scale continues the trend downward at my weigh in this weekend. I am not feeling restricted or deprived AT ALL and think this has been pretty fun so far! I will enjoy the easier times while I can.

Tuesday, July 18, 2017

Weigh In

Thank you for all the comments on my Update Photo post the other day. Now I have a non-photo update to make.

Last week I tracked my calories 1 day and biked 1.7 miles. I did not lose any weight.

This week I tracked my calories 5 days and biked 7.3 miles (through Sunday 7/16). I lost 2 pounds.

This is progress. Someone had made a comment on one of my posts last week saying that I don't even have a plan or any goals, like how many pounds to lose each week , losing 10 pounds as a mini goal, or a set calorie and macronutrients goal. So I wanted to clarify that I do have goals! My goals are to not look like this anymore, and not feel like this anymore. In the years of weight loss efforts I have discovered that setting something like "lose 2 pounds a week" always results in my feeling like a failure. There are going to be weeks that, even though I stay totally on track, my body hangs onto weight for whatever reason: PMS, water retention, natural weight loss cycles, sodium, etc. And if I set a pounds-per-week goal for myself, I am going to "fail" that goal at least once a month. I would rather focus, not on the numbers, but on the behaviors. Then the pounds-per-week takes care of itself! I love to look at numbers as data once the weight loss or gain has happened; I always keep track of what I lose or gain each week, month, year. But no, there is no number goal right now. My "behavior" goal this last 2 weeks has been to get used to tracking again, be accurate in my measurements, start using more time and energy towards buying, prepping, and eating healthy options and smaller portions, and getting back into the habit of biking. I'm accomplishing that, and am proud of the progress! Biking almost every day, even if it is just one or two miles, is going to take me in the right direction and help build the habit and endurance to go longer and farther.

Ending this post with a couple things I enjoyed this week:

Spinach, onion, avocado, bacon, and olive omelet with fresh berries (a great breakfast!)

low carb avocado bacon omelet

Calabacita with fresh corn off the cob added (this was so good, I ate it for dinner for 3 days!)

calabacita recipe

I also enjoyed plenty of peaches, berries, a Wendy's Queso bacon cheeseburger with no bun, and one donut. Pretty much everything else was vegetables, beef, chicken, eggs, and the occasional protein bar or shake. I also bought an Instant Pot this week and will be cooking some chicken breasts to add to salads. I plan to eat fish this week too, along with the veggies I'll pick up at the farmer's market.

Here's to another good... even better week!

Sunday, July 16, 2017

Who's That in the Mirror? Update Photo

The other day, I took my daughter shopping to pick out some clothes.  It was going great and I was feeling quite good about myself and healthy because I am back on track with the eating and exercise. When she went into the dressing room to try on a few things, I sat down in a chair close by. While I waited, another girl came out of a different dressing room and left the door open. The entire inside of that door was a giant mirror... and the way it was left open, it was angled directly at me. And WHOA. Who is that person in the mirror???

I am not generally inclined to be critical of my body, and I know I am morbidly obese again and look really fat when I see myself standing in the full length mirror in my bedroom. But this was too much!! I cannot even state how I looked sitting there with my fat all bunched up around my middle, hips flowing to the sides of the chair, stomach on my lap. What is it about sitting that makes everything look SO much worse? When I stand all the fat is stretched out over my body and yeah it looks bad but still like a human. I still have a waist and obviously feminine shape and I don't look for TOO long and I am sure my brain edits the image a little bit so I think I look fat, but okay. But that image of me sitting in the chair looked like a huge formless blob with a head and legs. I was so shocked it took me a moment to recognize myself. And then I thought, oh my god, this has to stop! I was so astounded that after a moment letting it register, I grabbed my phone. I wanted to snap a picture of that reflection and keep it as motivation NOT to eat junk, and to exercise and eat better and get back into human shape. But just then, someone went into the dressing room and shut the door. And I was left sitting there with that image of myself stuck in my head, and a sense of shame and embarrassment hanging over me.

I had to erase that and let it go. I had to because if I think of myself that way, and dwell on how heartsick I am over letting myself regain over 80 pounds and becoming *this* again, I would probably drown my sorrows in ice cream and chips and waste my life buried in self-loathing. And there's no point in that. I need to focus on getting better again, on fixing this for the last time, on getting it done and then learning how to maintain. I have already been doing that this week... eating better, tracking calories and carbs and protein, getting on the bike again. So I am proud of myself for that.

But I did come home and take a photo of me sitting on my bed. I want to remember this light bulb moment that motivated me to turn things around before it's too late.

July 2017: 253 pounds

Saturday, July 15, 2017

Feeling Great!

Wow, I am feeling really good today! I'm even enjoying the tracking, which used to stress me out and trigger me to obsess about food. Now, after such a looong break from weighing, measuring, tracking and dieting, it feels good! I actually think this might be "the start that takes," if you know what I mean.

I think it is fun to share what I am eating and hear what you all think about it in the comments. I get some good information and suggestions that way, even if I don't implement them all. But after just a short time *really* focusing on getting less junk, more produce, and daily exercise, I just have such great energy. I don't plan to share what I eat in every post forever, but I do like putting it out there right now.

So far today I have eaten:

Breakfast: 2 bacon, a peach, and some avocado. Coffee with half and half and sugar free syrup
Snack: another peach
Lunch: an ear of corn on the cob with butter and salt, and a big bowl of salad containing lettuce, onion, cherry tomatoes, crumbled bacon, Gorgonzola cheese, and light blue cheese dressing.

I feel amazing eating this way and not as hungry as I was before. I also biked a mile this morning and will do another ride this evening. Right now it is easier to do short rides because I haven't ridden much lately. I'm sure my strength and endurance will build up just like it did when I first started biking.

My dinner plan is calabacitas made from calabacita summer squash, zucchini, ground beef, onions, tomatoes, garlic, and seasonings. I think I'll just have it in a bowl, maybe with some sour cream. I might also have some baby carrots, berries, maybe a protein bar too.

Enjoy your weekend!